One of the buzzwords from the last couple of years that’s come from the economic challenges our country faces is “Transparency.”

Transparency’s objective is to shine a light on that which is done in private so that people cannot clandestinely weave wool to pull over our eyes. A noble endeavor.

Here is what’s really been hidden from us – our ability to see through people.

I’ve quoted him before but cowboy clad attorney, Gerry Spence‘s words bear repeating. He says that we all have a “BS detector.”

Dr. Dave Dobson not only claimed the same thing but taught a strategy on how to validate it. He called it “Other Than Conscious Communication.”

Both of these gentlemen are wizards in their own right and we may never rise to their level of sensory acuity, but that doesn’t mean we cannot corner a bit of their teachings and apply it to our own lives.

The process begins with the knowledge that there is a part of you that knows “what’s what.” We have learned to ignore that part of us and have given preference to our sophisticated intellect when making assessments and decisions about others.

Here’s an exercise to calibrate your acuity: Record and watch any TV talk show with the sound turned down for about 5 minutes. Then cue the recording up to the beginning and view it again, only this time with the sound turned up. Then notice how much of the communication you gleaned before hearing any words. You will surprise yourself.

We are all transparent. Having this knowledge pays more dividends if you pay attention to more than the words.

We get caught up in how logical words sound rather than how congruent they feel. That’s because we have been conditioned to ignore the sensations we feel. Those sensations are there for our reason. They serve as evidence when we get to the reasoning stage.

If you ignore these sensations, you’re heading into court without all the facts and your case will be “trying.”

Don’t try and outsmart people; “out-sense” them. The former strategy leads to back and forth one-upmanship and little communication; the latter opens your eyes to see through more than you’ll ever hear.

All the best,

John

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There are many answers to the question, “What Stops Me?” but one of the most significant answers is rarely explored.

Many people have taken multiple rides on the Self Improvement Train and have never reached their destination. Not only is this frustrating but, oftentimes, self defeating because, unbeknown to them, they have boarded the wrong train first.

There’s nothing wrong with self Improvement; it just doesn’t go to the destination they want, even though others have taken this same train to that desired destination.

Sounds like an episode of “The Twilight Zone.”

What stops me from getting to my destination? We rationalize it in many ways: “Stinky train,” “I didn’t try hard enough,” “I’m Lazy,” “I’m hopeless” or “my mother loved my sister more”” are just some of the answers we come up with.

It never occurs to us that this vehicle of self improvement will run out of steam quickly for us if we don’t first ride the “Train of Self Acceptance.”

A few years back it occurred to me that the often overlooked train of self acceptance is the vehicle necessary to ride before you transfer over to the train of self-improvement. It was that inspiration that caused me to release my “I Love My Body” CD set.

What I discovered was that it really doesn’t matter how much willpower you own; you’ll be stopped in your efforts to improve until you take a look at yourself, warts and all, and accept that reality.

Self acceptance is the ride you need to take before transferring over to self improvement.

The ride we normally take first is self deception. We refuse to wash the mirror and take an un-obscured look at who we need to accept – ourselves.

You can only be who you are and where you are right now. Once we accept that reality, we are then ready for a transfer to the Train of Self Improvement.

Self Deception will stop self improvement in its tracks every time.

What stops me is not accepting me. It’s only from a place of acceptance that the proper transfers are handed out. All aboard!

All the best,

John

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When is hatred useful?

The knee-jerk reaction is “Never!”

I believe I have found an exception. No, it’s not against Osama bin Laden or BP.

It’s useful towards our unwillingness to accept.

I’ve written before that we really don’t have a choice when it comes to accepting, and it bears repetition now. When something happens, it happens. If you say you don’t accept it, you have just denied reality. You may not like it, you may make efforts to change it, but you cannot not accept it.

I hate that I can’t accept.

My mission is to take the energy that fuels hatred and direct it towards acceptance.

Admitting that you hate something just shows that you are human. We, as a species, are pretty adept at hating. We just aim our hatred in the wrong direction. We rage against reality instead of against our unwillingness to accept.

If we took the energy that fuels hatred and directed it towards acceptance we would have a more peaceful life.

We misuse our hatred. We direct it at things we wish didn’t happen instead of using it to get us to the neutral position of acceptance.

From the vantage point of acceptance, the way forward becomes clearer, not obscured by the blindness hatred causes.

Repeat after me: “It’s OK to hate” as long as that hatred is towards the one thing that stands in the way of your peace – the unwillingness to accept.

The founder of “Radical Forgiveness,” Colin Tipping offers a brilliant strategy that can get you on the path to accepting. When you say that you cannot accept something, he doesn’t quibble with that. He merely requests that you accept that you cannot accept something. By doing so, you allow acceptance in the back door giving it shelter and room to grow.

The fact is we do have the ability to accept, we just don’t use it. Don’t you just hate that?

All the best,

John

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Every once in awhile you have to run a Stop sign. “Officer, my wife’s water just broke” or “I was rushing home to see the season finale of The Biggest Loser.”

We all go a little haywire sometimes.

It’s ignoring that internal stop signal on a regular basis that will keep you in opposition to most others, and you’ll cause more than your share of “accidents.”

People who are oppositional believe in the illusion of control, and they are on a mission to get some.

They know they’re constantly going against the flow, but they keep on going because they’re looking for the upper hand they think was dealt to others.

Reminds me of a story . . .

I used to work with a guy who was the text book example of oppositional. It was his default position. You said, “Black” and he would say “White.” He was looking to control every situation. He was skilled at what he did but was entirely annoying to everyone.

The sadder part of the story was that he was executing this automatic behavior in order to procure that which cannot be had – Control.

Anyone who is highly oppositional may politely listen to this observation and may even intellectually grasp it, but part of them keeps searching for the Holy Grail filled with the quaff that won’t let them fail.

My experience is that oppositional people, no matter how successful, feel they have failed. They have convinced themselves that the remedy for failure is control.

Oftentimes, the reason they believe so much in this illusion is because they were superbly conditioned by someone exerting highly controlling behavior.

Ah-ha, that’s why I am the way I am. Don’t get stuck there because that will keep you searching backwards.

The way forward is to recognize that your religion isn’t working. Make no mistake; if opposition is your first response, you worship at the altar of control.

You will continue to fail because the god you seek doesn’t exist. It’s a marketing fairy tale that you continue to buy into even though you have ample evidence the miracle isn’t going to happen.

Once you are belted in for the roller coaster ride of life, there is no control of the twists and bends or the fellow riders you encounter. The people who handle life’s loopty loops the best don’t waste their time trying to control them. They choose a response to what’s offered them rather than automatically cruising through the Stop sign again.

All the best,

John

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I asked myself the question: “What get’s in the way of communication?” and the answer I received was “Pre-disposition.”

It’s next to impossible not to bring your conditioning to an interaction, but that’s no excuse not to recognize that you’re doing it.

When you bring your preconceived notions into a communication, they are going to bump up against another’s predetermined notions and soon there will be sparks.

Preconceived notions are prejudices, principles, preferences, positions and a whole host of other words not beginning with “P.”

Pre-disposition sits on the foundation known as “Right.” When we are right about something, any opposing viewpoint is wrong.

Very little gets communicated when you believe the other person is wrong. Notice the hostility that enters the communication when you believe the other is wrong.

What if, just for a moment, you suspended right and wrong and just labeled their position as “Is.”

We have now inserted a new variable into the right-wrong dichotomy. It’s called “Is.”

What you are noticing is, that it “Is” their position.

Once you recognize a person’s position as not right or wrong, you enter the world of “Is.”

“Is” is the tiny shift in focus that serves as the wedge to put between right and wrong and takes us off automatic pilot. The result of this wedge will prevent the sparks from blinding your vision.

If the objective is to communicate, “Is” is the most efficient catalyst. It allows the most information to flow back and forth unfiltered by right and wrong.

This in no way suggests for you to give up your principles – just check them at the door so they don’t take up space in the meeting room.

You can reclaim your positions on the way out. What you may find by entering the world of “Is” is that you may not want all your old positions back. “Is” is the proverbial and elusive “Open Mind.”

Your mind cannot be wedged open with right and wrong. It takes “Is” to do that.

If your communications are suffering and spiraling down to hiss and scratch fests, it may be time to enter the world of “Is.”

All the best,

John

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Here’s a little “Pie in the Sky” question. What would you like to see in tomorrow’s headlines?

Now, that you’ve considered an answer to that question, here’s another: What would you like to see in tomorrow’s headlines concerning you?

These sorts of questions can produce daydreams that are fun to entertain.

What’s one thing that most of us never consider that’s necessary to make either of these daydreams a reality?

Answer: The action that must happen now.

Now is the only time you have the ability to take action. Yesterday’s gone and tomorrow’s not here yet. The action point is always now. Now is the time to make headlines.

If you take more time to ponder what you want the headline to be, you have delayed action again and tomorrow’s headline will be the same as it is today.

If you remain scared of your own shadow and delay action again, you’ll be stuck reading the “Groundhog Times” – a newspaper or blog whose headline never changes.

You can wait for the winds of circumstance to change and blow something new in your direction, but if you chart out the frequency of the favorable wind gusts that have blown your way in the past, the statistics indicate it will be a long wait.

You can wait for a headline or you can cause a headline. The catalyst of causation is always action.

What action can you take now that will cause tomorrow’s headline?

Daydreaming can bring the headline into focus; action will get it on the front page.

I don’t think the disconnect between daydreaming and action has gotten enough press. It’s the linking of the two that produces tomorrow’s headlines.

What will Clark Kent or Lois Lane be writing about tomorrow? You, if you put a dash of action in your daydream.

What action can you take today that will make them say, “Stop the presses!”?

All the best,

John

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An old expression states, “You have to give a little to get a little.”

It more than suggests that “Give and Take” is a two-way street.

Some of us may have gotten spoiled in certain areas of our lives by certain people who gave and didn’t take. That sets up a level of false expectation in us that “it’s supposed to be that way.” It’s not.

What we’ve done is taken a rare set of facts and attempted to make them fit all whom we encounter. It leads to lots disappointment.

Those who only give cheat themselves out of taking and it leads to unspoken resentment that eventually shows up as uncharacteristic behavior. Those who only take eventually run out of free lunches and hunger for more.

Takers are some of the most difficult people you will ever encounter. Their level of entitlement fuels their hunger and they become indiscriminate as to whom they will take from. Most often it is attention they seek, but it can spill over into other forms of taking – shoplifting, stealing, Ponzi schemes.

Both givers and takers are out of balance.

Mother Teresa was more than a giver. She got a feeling of satisfaction from her altruism. She got something from her giving. When you only give out of a sense that you are supposed to, you will wind up on the doorstep of resentment. That resentment will be directed at those to whom you gave.

When you only take, even the people who love you get to the point where they can take you or leave you.

The givers will recognize themselves in this blog post; the takers won’t.

Both givers and takers have poor self-images. Neither one likes themselves very much.

Both are caught up in a false sense of self. They believe their own bullshit.

There’s not a 12-step program for givers and takers because it only takes one step – Recognition!

Before you can change anything, you need to recognize it in yourself.

Givers will recognize themselves more quickly than takers because, generally, they aren’t as opinionated and don’t have that many levels of denial to work through.

Takers need all facts with no room for opinion to get to recognition. The operative phrase that takers need to hear over and over again is, “You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own set of facts.”

Takers’ opinions are that they are entitled; givers don’t believe they deserve anything.

Here’s the conundrum: You cannot get something you are unwilling to give or receive. You can’t display the feeling until you are capable of feeling it.

Givers and takers are like any fringe movement – they have extreme positions. Walking them back to the middle may be more than you can handle or are capable of. The road back to balance starts with recognition. All you can do is hold up a mirror and show them themselves. If they don’t see their image, you may have a vampire in your midst. Stock up on garlic and save you rhetoric. It won’t change them.

Like most behavior, it’s easier to recognize it in another than it is for us to see it in ourselves. If you recognize a part of you in here, congratulations, it’s a start.

If this strikes you as blather, there won’t be any room for give and take.

All the best,

John

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Seems everyone has their favorite season. Mine is summer.

I love the warm weather along with the summer outdoor activities – beach, golf, exercise, barbeques, etc.

For me, spring is when things come alive; summer is when you fully enjoy them.

Sun made iced tea with a wedge of lemon and I’m happy as a clam. Oh yea, and I love seafood even more in the summer.

Today is the first day of summer. Let it serve as a reminder of the things you love and are grateful for, and take time to celebrate them.

Happy Summer Solstice!

John

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The Grasshopper woke me up way too early this morning with a turn of a phrase. He chirped, “All the glitters isn’t sold.”

We were all up late watching Game 7 of the NBA
Finals and I wasn’t too anxious to join the world of the wide awake.

I kept falling back to sleep but that phrase kept waking me up. I knew there was something to it or it wouldn’t keep nudging me to flesh it out.

Once I pushed the cobwebs aside, the word “Packaging” came into view.

In my mind’s eye, I saw a bar with peanut shells scattered all across the floor and it became clear where all packaging winds up.

We keep attempting to sell ourselves as our packaging when time after time it gets cracked and tossed aside.

I’m reminded of the words of the famous American Psychiatrist, Dr. Milton Erickson. He was describing two other notable men, Richard Bandler and John Grinder who were studying and categorizing his highly successful methods. He roughly said of them, “They have the shell but they don’t have the nut.”

How much time do we have to spend shining up a car that we can’t sell before we figure out that we have to get it to run first?

Reminds me of a quick story . . . I used to work with a guy who never combed the back of his hair. My guess about his habit was: If he didn’t see it, it must not be visible.

How often do we miss seeing our essence that’s hidden inside of our shell by spending time, as the old expression goes, “polishing a turd”? Ewwwww!

If all you have to sell is packaging, it won’t be too long before you have nothing to sell. It may be time to invest in some personal research and development and start glittering from the inside out.

It’s really a matter of shifting focus. You can continue making efforts to have your house have “curbside appeal,” but until you get rid of the termites you have nothing you can sell.

If you haven’t yet taken the time to spend some regular quiet time, I highly recommend it. It’s here that you will discover your marketable talent which is simply, letting what’s on the inside out. No polishing necessary.

All the best,

John

P.S. Happy Father’s Day to all the deserving Dads.

P.P.S. Our HERE COMES SUMMER HALF PRICE SALE at http://johnmorganseminars.com ends Sunday at Midnight.

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How many exclamation points do you use?

No one can cite the correct amount but everyone is turned off by too many.

Exclamations are generally used as an emphasis or to indicate excitement. Wow!

When there is too much emphasis or too much excitement, they lose their impact.

How often do we abuse another, rhyming E-word – Explanation?

When you explain yourself too often, your explanations become devoid of oomph.

The real question is: How often do you explain yourself?

When you discover that you are forever explaining yourself, you can begin the self correcting of your own personal grammar. This causes you to look over your exclaiming and stop doing the things you find yourself continually explaining.

Too much explaining/exclaiming is the telltale sign of denial. What are you denying with such emphasis?

Whenever I see lots of exclamation points in an ad, I know the writer is either a novice or doesn’t believe in the product. Whenever I hear lots of explanations from people, I know they are denying and lying.

Shakespeare was onto this practice many moons ago when he penned this line in Hamlet: “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

Some will explain themselves until they can no longer draw breath to do so. There is no help for them. They are so immersed in who they believe themselves to be, they will lie and deny, and never let that part of them die. They’ll think this blog post is for someone else.

This observation is for all of us. You aren’t going to change something unless you’re aware of it. Become aware of your explanations and exclamations and see if you are offering too much punctuation.

All the best,

John

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