If you didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas, there’s still time to give yourself the gift that keeps on giving – Giving!

Give yourself permission to give. Give what, you ask? Give what it is that you have, not what you’ve accumulated.

Yes, it’s helpful to share knowledge and resources with others and that is considered generous. The giving I’m referring to comes from you – not from what you have, but from who you are, well past the role you play.

Give away your light. Let it shine on everyone you encounter. It begins by giving everyone you interact with your attention.

Attention without agenda. Just keep an open space in you for them as you interact. That means to be with them rather than with your thoughts about them or what they are saying. When you open a space for someone, you’re not interfering with what they are communicating by keeping your attention on you. When you open, you can take them all in, and what comes back out is your light, not your opinion.

Giving your light will always be welcome; your opinion may not.

Giving is really win-win because giving your light feels good and it’s always appropriate because it’s a one-size-fits-all gift.

If you’re searching for a New Year’s Resolution that will succeed, consider adding the gift of giving to you list. It’s the light that will make your New Year bright.

All the best & Happy New Year,

John

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The Grasshopper was long-winded the other day when he needed two breaths to utter this: “Scapegoats are the sacrificial lambs we send out to avoid responsibility for our feelings.”

Once you add “because” to the sentence, “I feel this way” you are offering up a sacrificial lamb as the cause of your feelings.

The sentence structure goes something like this: “I feel this way because you or someone did X.” Whatever “X” is becomes the scapegoat for our feelings.

When you can just express “I feel this way,” and put a period after the word “way,” you are on your way to owning your own feelings.

Ownership of our feelings brings us back to the moment; assigning them to someone or something else, takes us away.

“I’m feeling sad” is being in touch with your sadness. “I’m feeling sad because . . .” attempts to make the feeling belong somewhere else. Each time we negate responsibility for how we are feeling, we keep that feeling knocking on our door until we let it in and give it the attention it requires.

Each time you scapegoat a feeling, it gets stronger and becomes harder to deal with.

It’s worth practicing some new grammar by putting periods after stating how you feel. It keeps the feeling close to home where it can be acknowledged and metabolized, not continually kicking in the door attempting to terrorize.

Try it on for size. “I feel (fill in the blank).” There are no additional words needed after the period. Just sit with your feeling and let it be there as long as it needs. My experience is that it lessens in intensity when acknowledged in this way rather than coming back stronger another day.

When you get more proficient with this practice, the phrase “In like a lion, out like a lamb” will take on a whole new meaning for you.

All the best,

John

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If you’ve ever been on a theatre stage in front of a large crowd, you can appreciate how blinding lights can be. You really can’t see out.

The same can be true in life. The outer lights that surround us can’t be our guides because we can’t see through them. That keeps us trapped by the light, like a moth on a back porch bulb.

The light that shines on us keeps us playing a role – one that doesn’t change because we’re trapped by a script and can’t see a way out.

There is a way to dim the lights so you can see more options. It begins by turning down the dialogue in your head and freeing your inner light which shines outward. It’s the most powerful light you’ll ever experience and it’s free. All you have to do is get quiet and let it shine.

This process begins by knowing this light exists. Knowing allows us to stop searching outward and turn our attention quietly inward. We become less distracted by the outer lights and start to feel the glow of our own light source. Like all feelings, it doesn’t need words to describe it; words initially point us in its direction, but once we discover our light, words are no longer necessary.

Your inner light illuminates everything so that you can see in all directions. Your choices multiply and life starts to add up.

“Blinded by the Light” is more than a song; for some, it’s an everyday occurrence. If you’ve fallen into the trap, stop reciting your lines and seeking applause, and let your light shine by putting your thoughts on pause.

Trapped? If you’re searching for a way out, go in.

All the best,

John

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Stating the obvious, Christmas is a religious as well as a secular holiday. Some celebrate both and others celebrate neither.

What’s understated is the quality we see in children this time of year – Wonderment. It’s worth noting that we all have that quality; it wasn’t stowed away in an old photo album.

My request is simple: Find your wonderment this Christmas whether you celebrate the holiday or not. It’s a priceless gift that brings out the boundless spirit of the child within you.

Merry Christmas,

John

Dear Santa,

These are the presents I would like to see under my tree:

More of this and less of that.

Thank you,

LJ (Little Johnny)

It seems that’s what we’re all looking for – more of something or less of something.

More health, less sickness

More wealth, less money worries

More joy, less sadness

More love, less hate

The list goes on and on.

There is one gift that covers all the bases – More presence.

When you are present, you’re not focused on the concepts of more or less, you’re focused on what can’t be quantified but qualifies you for the peace that passes all understanding – The Present Moment.

The Present Moment is an experience that’s outside your head. If you’re commenting on it, it’s already in the past. Presence is being in the moment without commentary. You’re in the flow of life when you are present.

When you are attempting to arrange your moments, you’re like the cruise director on The Titanic; you’re headed for disaster. They will never be like what you painstakingly planned, so stop insisting on how it has to be and take advantage of the only thing you can count on – how it is.

Being part of the moment is being immersed in the moment. Take the time to let the moment wash over you rather than attempting to change the course of mighty rivers.

The current is going in your direction when you go in the direction of the current. Each moment has its own current; be a part of it or struggle against it.

There will be plenty of time for planning in many of the moments we’re not present, so don’t worry. There’s no risk of our attempts to control the universe going away. This is just a reminder to occasionally step away from the daunting task of reeling in reality and just be part of it.

Stepping away is the gift of awareness which leads us to presence where the clarity of mental silence leads us naturally to more of this and less of that.

I hope there is lots of presence under your tree.

All the best,

John

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Have you ever stopped to consider what makes you feel alive? I know most of us have strategies for deadening feelings, but it’s those feelings that we’re trying to kill off that let us know we’re alive.

When you attempt to numb a feeling, that’s an insurance policy that it will come back stronger the next time. That’s why deadening strategies escalate over time.

Here is a question that will point out if you are heavily involved in deadening: Are you (action verb of choice) more now and enjoying it less?

What you fill in the blank with is your deadening strategy.

I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes we all need something to deaden the pain to get us over a hump, but when that something becomes your go-to strategy, you are existing without feeling alive.

Noticing and then feeling the sensations that your body delivers are the first steps to feeling alive. Our initial conditioned reaction is to chase the feeling away. The internal comment that goes along with this is: “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I don’t want to feel this way.” Here’s the reality we miss: You do feel that way! Notice it and feel it as fully as possible. It’s nature’s way for metabolizing those sensations.

The home brew remedy for deadening isn’t working and it’s robbing you of feeling alive.

It takes some practice, but allowing your sensations to move through you will make you feel more alive and less dead to the world.

All the best,

John

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If you haven’t written to Santa yet, time is whittling away. And here is something you may not immediately think to ask for – Flexibility. But if you do, more gifts will come to you.

Flexibility often feels like giving in when it’s really giving out. You’re giving out a piece of yourself that rarely sees the light of day. And as we learned from the Hare Krishna practitioners giving out flowers at the airport years ago, when you give something out, something comes back to you.

Giving out may feel uncomfortable at first because we have been so rigid in our position for such a long time. Stretching feels foreign at first, but then gives way to flexibility which adds dimension to our capability.

When you are more flexible, you can move in more directions and see more vantage points. This opens you up to more opportunities. It’s pure arithmetic.

You can certainly stay steadfast in your position, but take a moment to notice it hasn’t helped you to make the transition – from hard as a month old fruitcake to being in position – to see more avenues for fruition.

Flexibility adds to your agility to give out, and isn’t that what the holiday spirit is all about?

All the best,

John

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Even though time doesn’t exist, except as a mental construct, the phrase “time marches on” is spot on.

Nature doesn’t move backward; it’s always on the move – forward.

As much as we may want to dig in our heels and hold onto our precious past, it slips from our grasp with each tick of the clock. “Time and tide wait for no man.”

If you are mentally moving backwards, your forward progress will be halted.

There is nothing wrong with reminiscing unless you make it into a permanent practice of ghost kissing.

Here’s something we all have in common: We have a past. In order to have a future, we have to get past our past.

Keeping the past on life support is the best known way to stay stuck.

The holidays are here for some and approaching for others. Holidays are filled with traditions and that helps make them special. But if they’re all tradition with nothing new, “It’s A Wonderful Life” will be just an old movie for you.

Please give yourself permission to feel sad. It’s part of being human. Be sad until you’re not. Just don’t get fixated on the good old days as a salve, because that will insure that old memories are all that you have.

Christmas Past is gone forever

and Christmas Future is not in view

Make Christmas Present your main focus

and avoid a Christmas of Blue.

Now is the only time you can make a new memory. Here’s wishing you a holiday season filled with present moments that become time honored traditions.

All the best,

John

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Pardon the Interruption is a popular cable TV sports show that has nothing to do with today’s post other than the title.

Actually, a more accurate heading would have been: The Interruption is Your Pardon, but that isn’t as familiar a phrase or as catchy.

The Grasshopper had this to offer a few weeks ago: “Interruption is the key to growth.”

You get a pardon or reprieve on automatic behavior when you interrupt it while it’s happening. It’s the opportunity you offer yourself to go in another direction – one towards growth.

Repeating the same old pattern takes you down the same old roads; interruption offers you a new map. Your programmed GPS can only take you to the programmed location; interruption opens you to new directions.

The break in the chain of events is interruption. It is a catalyst for growth. Just about any behavior can be interrupted and each time you do so, you help yourself grow.

Growth is a process, not a one-time thing. That’s why I’m not a fan of the term, “breaking patterns.” The break is the initial step, not the complete solution. In order to grow, you must outgrow, and that takes repeated interruption. Each time you interrupt a pattern of behavior, you grow a little bit. String a series of interruptions together and they begin to take on a life of their own heading you down new paths to growth.

It’s easier to be pardoned for your behavior if it doesn’t happen. The key to keep it from happening is interruption.

If you’re serious about growing, here’s an easy mantra to remember: Be abrupt and interrupt!

All the best,

John

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I believe we all have the innate ability to spot the smartest person in the room. In fact, it may have been you a time or two.

But do you have the ability to spot the person who “thinks” he/she’s the smartest person in the room? I believe we do.

This isn’t anything I can validate with facts and figures, only feelings, but the older I get, the more I trust the signals my body sends me.

Based on my experience, the smartest person in the room generally doesn’t tout that fact. The person who “thinks” they are can’t help themselves. They spray around superiority like a garden hose. The smartest person in the room knows how and when to self-deprecate; the one who thinks they are knows how to spell “deprecate” but it’s not in their vocabulary.

Additionally, my experience is that someone who thinks they are the smartest person in the room makes no room for you because they take up all the space with their assumed intellectual largess.

I will offer you a public person I have deemed as the poster child for thinking and acting like the SPITR (Smartest Person in the Room). I don’t know too much about this person’s background or their education or their judicial pronouncements, but their demeanor sets off my all my alarms.

His name is Antonin Scalia and he is an Associate Justice on the United States Supreme Court.

I have no doubt that he’s smarter than me and, perhaps, you. My only question is: Does he have to always let it show through?

Justice Scalia may in fact be the smartest person in the room, after all, someone always is. But to know for sure, here’s a suggestion: Open up the room to others and let them have their say, rather than occupy the whole space and hold sway.

All the best,

John

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