Even atheists have religion; they just don’t call it that.

If you have a belief system about something, and you do, you have a religion.

You may not go to a church, temple or mosque but you are a firm believer.

Here’s the difficulty I have with “Capital R” Religion: It’s exclusionary.

Just as an example, I passed a Christian Church the other day and the words they had on the billboard viewable from the highway read: “The only Messiah with an empty grave.”

I have no quibble with someone believing what they can’t prove because everyone does it. My sense is that this sign could have easily read: “My God’s better than your God.”

The implication is that their version of God is superior. It’s exclusionary. It’s not the least bit ecumenical. It sets up an argument, not a “let’s sit down and pray” together invitation.

All brands of organized religion exclude. My sense is they would be much more inclusive if there was no competition when it came to God.

I would never attempt to talk anyone out of a strongly held belief; I would merely point out that we weren’t born with any of them. They were all acquired.

We acquired most of our beliefs, religious and otherwise, through conditioning. We didn’t have any say in many of the beliefs we acquired.

Look at racial prejudice as an example. You weren’t born with it, you acquired it and, sadly, for some people it’s a religion.

The point isn’t to pick on any one specific belief or religion, but an attempt to take a closer look at the exclusionary nature of our beliefs.

If we believe something and someone else doesn’t, they can’t be in our club, or if they are a member, they aren’t a member in good standing. Political parties (religions) are also a hotbed of exclusion. Listen to politicians religiously argue for everyone to adopt their point of view, and if they don’t, castigate them and call them a name.

All religions talk about love; they just don’t practice it when they exclude.

There are a lot of ways to get to heaven but the trip will be much smoother if we remove the roadblock known as exclusion.

All the best,

John

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You don’t need a Ouija Board to know customer service is at an all time low.

What’s amazing to me is that in this challenging employment climate, businesses didn’t seem to keep the best people.

I just had the pleasure of reading an advanced copy of “Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose” by Tony Hsieh (pronounced SHAY). In this book, you will discover an instant way to do more business and build relationships without making an additional sale.

The book details the rise of Zappos.com and how it was built on customer service. Zappos.com did over a BILLION dollars in sales last year.

This isn’t a recommendation to buy the book, (although it’s a fun read with lots of great insight); it’s more of a wake-up call to pay more attention to the people you interact with whether they are customers or not.

The lack of respect for, and acknowledgement of, other people has hit a new high, and it looks like the sky’s the limit.

You may not start a billion dollar company by being more respectful but the dividends it pays in peace of mind and improved human relations are priceless.

The main problem I see in customer service and human interaction is the tendency to make the other person wrong. It’s not a battle about who’s right; it’s more about right action.

You will not satisfy every customer, nor will you convince everyone to come over to your way of thinking. That doesn’t mean they are wrong. They just have a different point of view. Regardless of whether you think they are obtuse, they deserve your respect.

If someone becomes insulting or belligerent, you can end the interaction on a polite note and say you decline to interact with someone who’s resorted to name calling.

I believe that we have forgotten that other people are people. We’ve reduced them to things. We try and bang them into place with a hammer and wind up sticking out like a sore thumb.

For many, it’s hard not to engage when you are under assault. In the past, I found myself at the top of that list.

What I’ve found is that strategy has poor performance. Being right at all costs is filled with instant gratification. The difficulty is it’s a sugar high and you wind up needing another quick fix. You may need an intervention.

The intervention that works is recognition. Recognize that other people are you in another suit of clothes. They have the same basic wants, needs and desires as you, and didn’t wake up today intending to make your life miserable. They just have a different point of view.

Take note how you are treating others. Is it the way you want to be treated? If not, an adjustment is necessary on your part.

Improved human relations begin with you. Here’s a starting point: Just remember what it feels like to be acknowledged and respected and then convey that feeling to others.

All the best,

John

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In sports, there’s a term known as “Homer.” No, not the poet, or a four bagger known as a “Home run.”

A homer is someone who believes their home team does nothing wrong. They will justify anything a home team member does as long as they are part of the team. All bets are off if they get traded. Then the homer will then go on the attack about anything the player does when playing the former home team.

This phenomenon is not isolated to sports.

Have you noticed you will justify just about anything that one of your home members does? Logic flies out the window when it’s a member of our home team.

It’s quite natural to want to protect your own; it’s also delusional when you ignore the facts.

All families are faced with issues regarding their members. The teacher couldn’t possibly have a point about Johnny being disruptive in class. “She’s just high strung and doesn’t know how to deal with boys” is just an example of the type of justification we concoct.

The excuses pile up quicker than lawn care flyers in our mailbox in spring.

The more excuses you make for one of your members, the weaker you make them. We all become enablers when we turn our head away from the elephant in the room.

What have you been defending that’s indefensible? What are you supporting that will eventually fall on top of you and crush you?

It may be that the “member” you are blindly supporting is a pattern of behavior you have that you’ve been explaining away for years. Somewhere along the way we begin to believe our own lies. Then one day the mirror gets unfogged and shows us our true reflection, warts and all. This is a choice point.

We can crank up the steam machine again or we can finally address what makes us a mess.

You’re not going to find the following phrase on a Successories poster, but it is useful: “Listen to your horseshit.”

Listen to the “fun house mirror” logic you use. It’s the first base you have to reach before you have a chance of making it home.

Noticing our justifications puts them in a new light. I don’t have research to back this up but it seems accurate to me – 99 times out of 100, a justification is a lie.

Who are you kidding when you cheat at Solitaire? Who do you keep in the dark when you lie to yourself?

The Odyssey known as life becomes a much clearer path to walk when we don’t keep it strewn with the self imposed obstacles we generate when we argue for our limitations.

Have you noticed that the air always smells better after a thunderstorm? No justification will make that dark cloud over your head go away. We are better served when we experience the storm rather than hide under the bed with the elephant.

Become the unbiased referee of your life and be unafraid to call a foul on the home team. Your honesty may save a life – Yours!

All the best,

John

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Planning is a wonderful tool to have in your bag, but for many, it’s the only tool they use.

Planning is always foundational. If you have a solid plan, you can build something of worth on top of it.

My Dad was a construction foreman and always had plans in his car. He called them drawings. These would guide him on how to build the building the architect envisioned when he or she drew up the plans.

I remember many a night when my father would be looking over the drawings after dinner and saying stuff like, “This guy (architect) must have a hole in his head, this will never work.” The next day there would be a big confab with the architect and they would get things worked out.

Perhaps it’s never occurred to you that you are the architect of your life. It’s foundational in getting what you want.

The rub comes along when we plan and don’t inspect or review our plan or, worse yet, expect the plan to take care of everything.

Let’s look at both scenarios:

Have you noticed your plan isn’t working? This is accurate for the majority of us. Even if you don’t have a formal plan, you got to where you are by following a formula. The question is: “Is it working?”

The answer is usually, “No.” That’s OK because 100% of the people planned on having their marriage work out. Sometimes plans don’t work. They aren’t means tested along the way. Many don’t have a common sense foreman double checking on them. We set them and forget them and then the cracks show up in the foundation.

You cannot set and forget your life. You gotta’ get the plans out from time to time and spread them across the dining room table and have a look-see how well you are doing. You may need to make some adjustments to keep whatever you are building on solid ground.

But the biggest misuse of planning is having no action attached to whatever you are planning. This is mostly done by the “Dreamers.” This would not be a flattering use of the term “Dreamers.”

Dreamers are always planning. They have plans for more things than you can think of. They may even have a place where they store all these dreamy plans. You will easily notice a dreamer when their plan is absent of action. If it ever occurs to the dreamer that sustained action is necessary to get what they want, it only comes to them in a nightmare.

Dreaming is a wonderful gift, but when it’s the only one that you open, you miss a lot. Dreaming, without action, is just plain wishing. The question we rarely ask is: “How’s that working for you?”

Are you setting and forgetting or are you dreaming?

They are useful questions to ask. The useful answer is not an opinion; it’s fact based.

Are you willing to take a look at the plans, and even more importantly, are you ready to take action?

If not, plan on getting what you already have.

All the best,

John

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Upon awakening this morning, it occurred to me where the concept of being haunted came from – Dreaming.

I don’t believe in being haunted in the everyday definition of the term because I’ve never seen evidence of it; I have only heard stories.

I have had haunting dreams though.

I’m imagining back on primitive civilizations, sitting around the campfire where one person tells a story of being haunted. Others, who also had that strange experience (dream), began to tell their story. Not long after this gathering, the concept of being haunted became a reality and took on a life of its own.

I can’t prove or disprove haunting, but I can validate dreaming.

My sense is that most dreams are nonsense. They seem to be a piecing together of a collection of unconscious, unassociated impressions that we’ve taken in during the course of our day, week, life and they form a mosaic in our mind.

But then there are the dreams that hit closer to home and have some cohesion with something going on in our life. These are the dreams that seem to repeat themselves with slightly different surroundings each time, but the players and the theme are the same.

These are the dreams it makes sense to pay attention to.

My experience is that they highlight an area where we are stuck in life.

You’re not being haunted; you’re getting a glimpse of where you are hemmed in.

It’s not like the dream shows you how to get unstuck, although I’ve had a few of those, but rather it puts a spotlight on where we need work.

I know there are dream books that offer specifics as to what dream content means, but they’re a bit too generic for me – kinda’ like horoscopes. That doesn’t mean that once in a blue, astrological moon that one won’t hit home, but the misses exponentially outweigh the hits.

But the same dream that keeps coming back in a different suit of clothes accents an area of our life that needs attention.

“Unfinished business” is the term that pops into my mind about these dreams.

Are you being haunted by unfinished business or is it just a dream?

Here’s what I know for sure: The dream is coming back as long as the situation remains as it is.

What small step can you take today to put some finishing touches on a haunting situation that needs attention?

All the best,

John

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I, like most people, would rather have friends than foes.

It’s easy enough to tell the difference between the two, in most cases.

You probably spend more time with friends than you do foes, but how well does that serve you?

The Grasshopper was up at the crack of dawn this morning and said this: “A foe will help you grow.”

We can easily see in a competitive sports environment, that an opponent will test your skills. A friend may not.

For example, hearing them reminisce about their storied, basketball careers, arch rivals, Magic Johnson and Larry Bird both underscored the fact that each brought out the best in each other.

It may not be immediately apparent, but habit patterns become our friends. Some of them are wonderful, but many of them keep us marching in place.

I’ve had close to a half million people come to my smoking cessation seminar and the number of smokers who consider cigarettes as their friend would make you gasp. Male smokers keep their cigarettes in their top shirt pocket, next to their heart – a friend, a buddy, a pal.

Women smokers are no different. Regarding cigarettes, many women have actually told me, “They were there for me when he wasn’t.”

With friends like these . . . (you know the rest).

An enemy may be the idea that keeps nagging at you, prodding you, challenging you to do something new.

Ancient Chinese General, Sun-tzu was on to something when he said, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”

It may be time to bring your foe in closer. It may be the only thing that’s going to test you. Your friends may accept you and enable you, but your foe has no such agenda. Your foe is like the sand in the oyster shell – annoying, yet gritty enough to make you shine.

The ancient proverb, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” also encourages us take another look at our foes.

Is there a foe taunting you? Perhaps this time you will listen. You may not like what they have to say, but ignoring them again keeps growth at bay.

All the best,

John

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While photographing my neighbor’s flowers yesterday, I was struck with the notion that one of our missions while we’re here is to stand out.

You weren’t given all the skills you have so that you could blend in. Your mission is to use those skills to stand out.

Just so we’re clear, standing out is not dying your hair purple, getting a tattoo, buying the most expensive car or watch so you can appear different or get noticed. That’s just an indicator that you have a poor self-image.

Standing out is growing what was given to you.

The parable of the talents is one of my favorite bible stories. The abbreviated version has a rich man putting his servants in charge of his resources while he is away. He gives one servant 5 talents, another 2, and the third one, 1. The servant given 5 invests them and turns them into 10. The servant given 2 talents also doubles his seed and turns it into 4. The third servant hid his talent in a hole in the ground.

When the rich man returns, he rewards servants one and two for investing wisely and takes back the 1 talent from the third servant who hid it in the ground and gives it to the servant who made him the most return on his investment. The lesson as scribed by Matthew in 25:13-30 is this:

“For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

You’ll grind your teeth if you hide your talents.

What are you hiding from the world?

What is your gift?

What are you sitting on that can enrich you and others?

There is nothing braggadocios about letting what’s inside out. That’s your contribution. Your genie wants to be freed so that it can stand out.

Again, standing out is not about being noticed, although you will be when you free your gifts. Standing out is more about making a natural contribution by using what you got.

As the parable notes, some are given more than others. That in no way relinquishes those who get less from the responsibility of standing out.

Standing out is always a two-way street. By unleashing your talents, you benefit yourself as well as others. When you keep them hidden, everyone goes into a recession. As the old saying goes, “A rising tide lifts all boats.”

“But I don’t have any gifts” is a statement that reports more on your self-image than it does on your reservoir of gifts. Everyone is good at something. We just may not put a high value on that something. Ask yourself, “What do I do better than most?” It’s not an ego aggrandizing question; it’s an assessment.

The next question is: “How can I use that talent to better serve myself and others?”

There is an answer. You just need to ask the questions and pay attention to what comes back.

If you’re not already standing out, there’s still time but the clock is ticking. The longer you wait determines whether you’ll fish or cut bait.

The time to begin is always NOW.

What are you hiding from the world? It needs to stand out.

All the best,

John

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Happiness does not exist. You can stop buying maps looking for this mythical place.

Happiness as a noun or a location is a fairy tale – one we continue to believe in and get disappointed when we can’t find it.

Looking for happiness is like looking for infinity. It’s illusive and it keeps you searching.

There are billions of people on our planet and each of us has a different criterion for happiness, yet we talk about it as though it is a one-size-fits-all, concrete thing.

Happiness is a distinct feeling within you. Your feeling of happiness is unlike any other person’s feeling of happiness. Feelings are as individual as snowflakes – no two people get hit with the same snowball.

Everyone knows a happy feeling when it arrives. It’s to be cherished and enjoyed. If you try and capture it in a jar like a lightning bug, its light will fade more quickly.

There are countless books and methods selling you their brand of happiness. Most of them attempt to tell you how you should feel. Only they can feel that way. Your happiness feels different and can’t be found in a book or a 3-step process. Happiness is not a set of circumstances; it’s a feeling.

This is not to say you cannot lay the framework to feel more happy moments – you can.

It’s a lot easier to feel your version of happiness when you are in a less cluttered frame of mind and are engaged in activities that don’t go against your core values.

Yet, happy feelings are so strong that they can interrupt a cluttered mind and wash over you without warning. I just had one of those unexpected, wonderful feelings moments ago. I walked into my son’s room and there was Snuffy, the black nosed beagle cozily curled up in a blanket on the floor. I felt happiness. It lasted but a moment or two but there was no mistaking the feeling.

Now suppose you’re not a dog lover and I try and sell you on what makes me feel happy, it’s going to be an unhappy moment for both of us.

So rather than chase after someone else’s version of happiness, take time to appreciate your happy sensations when they happen and enjoy the moment for as long as it lasts. Just by taking the time to catalogue and fully feel that feeling, you set up an invitation for it to visit more often.

Basically, you are noticing and feeling more things to be happy about and that sets the stage for more happy feelings to revisit.

How much happiness goes unfelt because you don’t stop and take time to notice and sense the feeling?

You can continue your search for highly advertised, elusive, airbrushed happiness out there somewhere, or you can begin to notice and feel what’s already here and real.

All the best,

John

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Most folks don’t get eulogized until they’re dead. Pity.

One of the exceptions to this practice is being remembered when you are alive. It usually happens in abbreviated form once, twice or maybe three times a year for most – birthdays, holidays, etc.

This remembrance usually comes in the form of greeting cards, or now, electronic wishes, gifts, phone calls, and sometimes, Skype.

As I get older, I wonder why we don’t fully eulogize people while they’re living, at least once. Embarrassment comes to mind, for them or for us.

How did we get so insulated that we can’t bring ourselves to tell people what they mean or meant to us while they are here to appreciate it?

How many people utter the regretful words, “I should have told them while they were living”?

What words or sentiments are you saving for when someone dies? Here’s a novel idea: Let them know before they go.

Reminds me of a story . . . My father was not a hugger for the most part – I am. Somewhere in my 30’s, I took the initiative and began to hug him and give him a kiss the few times a year we saw each other. Although it was his conditioning not to show that kind of affection, he truly enjoyed it and eventually initiated the embrace.

I remember driving to my uncle’s funeral and having a couple of hours of alone time with my Dad. I got to hear many stories about things I never knew about him. They shed a lot of light on some of the behaviors and attitudes I had that were just like my father’s. As I was leaving to drive back home, my Dad walked me out to my car. It was there and then that I decided to tell him what he meant to me.

I told him lots of things that he did for me growing up that I would never forget and ended it with telling him that he was my hero. He dismissed the compliment and then gave me the best hug I ever got from him.

My Dad is gone now but I got to remember him while he was living. It was one of my favorite moments and, I suspect, one of his as well.

Special people come in and out of our lives and we don’t think to fully remember them until they move on or are gone.

I’ll admit, it takes a certain amount of courage to initiate this type of living eulogy but the rewards last a lifetime.

All the best,

John

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Has your life been commandeered by routine?

That’s really a loaded question. What specifically is meant by “routine”?

Here’s my limited definition: Stuff you do that you don’t want to do.

There are many things that most all people do that they don’t want to do. The real question is: Do those things make up most of your routine?

If that’s the case, it’s time for, as the comedians’ say, “a new act.”

I am a big fan of routine (for me). It sets a framework for getting things accomplished. I’m a list person; I keep electronic sticky notes on my computer and regular ones in other places as reminders of things I want or need to do.

The part where it seems as though someone else has taken over my life is when all those sticky notes contain things I don’t want to do. That’s when the uprising begins. It seems as though part of me goes on a sit-down strike. I don’t do anything.

I want to do things but become temporarily paralyzed by the daunting list of things to do. I don’t believe I’m alone.

The good news is I have found a remedy to keep this from happening.

If you’re anything like me, your list, written down or not, contains tasks. Where is it written that the only thing you can write down is a task?

How many people put “take a warm bath” or “take a nap” on their list? No, the list is filled with chores.

When you are listing the things that you want to accomplish, make sure to include things that are pleasurable and assign them a high priority.

I’m a tea drinker. One of the things on my list is take a break and enjoy a cup of tea. If it’s nice outdoors, I’ll brew a cup and take the time to sit out in the fresh air and enjoy it. When I worked for others, I would routinely go sit outdoors for about 15 minutes and breathe in the fresh air. It was a coffee break without coffee. It was pleasurable and cleared my head for other things I wanted to accomplish.

Too many keep these practices as rewards when they are all done their tasks. I’m suggesting that it take on the same importance as “clean the bathroom” or “get this proposal to so and so.” Make pleasure a planned part of your routine.

It’s a tiny shift in focus but can really pay dividends in helping you move through your list. It will make your day anything but routine.

All the best,

John

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