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May 29, 2013

The Burden

Filed under: Uncategorized — John Morgan @ 6:47 am

C274398 m How many times have you said “I was wrong about that”? If you’re anything like me, that phrase sits in a crawl space gathering dust.

But it is springtime and it may be time to inspect rarely used areas and give them a once-over.

We all carry a giant burden that we can lighten. It just takes a little noticing – a mental feather duster if you will. What’s the burden?

Well, if there is a God and he opines to the ethers, I’m certain this would be his lament: “Oh, the burden of always being right.”

Have you ever noticed the weight that attaches itself to being right? If, as they say, the camera adds 10 pounds, being right buckles our knees.

How often do you wait for your moment to say “I told you so”? While you sit waiting for the evidence of your prediction to mount, countless possibilities pass you by. Our investment in being right drains our creativity to find out what’s possible. That’s because we are continually focused on being right and we miss what’s on the other side of our blinders.

Being right is attempting to be God. I’m not suggesting we give up our opinions; I’m simply requesting that we remove the burden of being right from them.

It has an immediate effect. We become lighter. That’s because we don’t have to carry around all the evidence that being right requires. Being right is like keeping track of our lies. We have to remember all the things and circumstances that support our position. It’s like being on the witness stand every day of our life.

We are quick to point out our “rights” and slow on the draw to reveal our wrongs. Reminds me of a story . . .

My step-father used this expression quite often when looking to my mother for confirmation of his prognostications: “Didn’t I call that shot, Lil?”

There were a thousand shots that he took but he only touted the rare hit. We are all a bit like that when we burden ourselves with being right.

What the remedy? Take the right out of your opinions. Right is a deterrent because if you’re right, someone has to be wrong. No one likes being wrong, so when you hold right up in their face, you set the stage for them to be wrong.

Here’s a magic phrase to remove right from an opinion: “Time will tell.”

“Time will tell if that strategy will work or not.”

“I’m not sure that’s the best way to go, but time will tell.”

“I think this new band called ‘The Beatles’ will be a flash in the pan, but time will tell.” (I actually claimed to be right about this one).

When we remove right from our opinions, we open ourselves up to other possibilities – someone else’s right. We don’t have to defend an opinion; but notice that we have to bring out the big guns to protect right. That’s a lot of heavy lifting.

Do a little light housekeeping today and dust off the right from your opinions, and then feel the weight dissipate.

All the best,

John

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May 22, 2013

It Can’t Be Done

Filed under: Uncategorized — John Morgan @ 5:58 am

C505585 m Perhaps I have learned this lesson later in life than most, but a recent discovery for me is that when someone says, “It can’t be done,” quite often they mean, “I don’t want to do it.”

I used to go polar on someone who told me something couldn’t be done, especially if I knew it could. By polar, I mean I immediately jumped to the position of “yes, it can be done” and would get caught up in the argument rather than getting to a solution.

I had an interaction yesterday with an electrician called in to consult on a wiring situation at my house. He told me that what I wanted done couldn’t be done. “I’ve been doing this work for 25 years and you can’t do what you want to do.” I immediately requested that he present me with an alternate solution to my situation. He reached back again for the very comfortable “it can’t be done” line. I knew we were done at that point but . . .

Just for fun and to test my theory, I probed further. After a bit more questioning, he came around to, “I’m not comfortable doing that.” I thanked him for his time and went on to looking for another electrician.

In the interest of honesty and not to waste anyone’s time, consider telling someone that you don’t want to do something vs. making up a dismissive response like “it can’t be done.” People will respect you more and will be able to go on to another solution without engaging in the sideshow of an argument.

“It can’t be done” may be the correct answer, but you would do well to temper it with something like, “In my opinion, it can’t be done” or “Based on my experience, it can’t be done. Maybe someone else can help you accomplish that.”

I now have another response to choose from when someone says, “It can’t be done.” My new response is to avoid the sidetracking argument and to recognize they don’t want to do it and move on.

All the best,

John

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May 17, 2013

Cockamamies

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 7:02 am

Birdman When I was a kid, there were things inside of bubblegum wrappers that were called cockamamies. They were pictures you could transfer to your body by wetting your skin and pressing and holding the picture for a few seconds and then peeling away the cockamamie. It was an early form of temporary tattoos.

I loved them and affixed them all over my arms. They would fade in a day and easily wash off with soap and water. Which reminds me of a story . . .

Years ago, I was working out next to a younger guy at the gym and noticed his tattoo. I asked him, “What did your mother say when you came home with that?” “She didn’t say anything,” he said, “but my father exclaimed in Italian, ‘Wash it off.'”

I am not yet a fan of permanent tattoos; call me middle-fashioned. Middle because the generation before me was into them and the generation today is as well. My generation, not so much.

I will admit that I am a product of my conditioning regarding tattoos and I will also offer this observation: Getting tattoos doesn’t make you less of a person, but if you think of yourself as less than a person, you are more likely to get a tattoo.

Think of the time frame that most tattoos are gotten – teens to early 20s. This is also the age range that military recruitment and girls wearing excessive makeup is at an all time high, not to mention piercings. Coincidence? Not at all.

When you don’t think a lot of yourself, you make additions. The purpose of the addition is to make you the person who you think you’re not. “The military will make a man out of you” is the enticement of the recruiter. They know you are feeling “less than” and use that as an edge. The same is true for cigarette and makeup manufacturers. They target an age group that’s susceptible.

There is a basketball player for the Miami Heat named Chris Andersen, known as “Birdman.” His picture, above, is from Inked Magazine. He, unintentionally, serves as the “bad boy” role model for young boys who are basketball fans. His personal decoration style will cause some young admirers to emulate his lead. There is nothing that can be done about that nor should there be.

Even though this blogpost reveals my current prejudice about tattooing, it’s more about being cautious as an adult when contemplating additions when you’re feeling “less than.”

The promise is that the addition will make you feel more like you want to feel. The feeling will be temporary; the addition may be permanent.

There is nothing “out there” that will make you “more than.” It’s the feeling on the inside that you seek. When you find it, you’ll want to tattoo it to your soul and never want it to wash away.

All the best,

John

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May 16, 2013

Vantage Points

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 8:32 am

C109106 m An argument can be made that god and reality are one and the same. Both show up everywhere.

God and reality share another thing in common – Vantage points. The Grasshopper shared this yesterday: “God’s vantage point is all vantage points.” Let me give you an example.

Pretend you are on the rooftop of a 15 story building which is situated on the corner of a major intersection. As you look down from the corner position you see a car on each street speeding towards the intersection and you deduce that neither is going to stop. You can see that an accident is about to happen. You have a vantage point that’s not available to either driver. In this limited scenario, you have all vantage points and are godlike. But suddenly, something tells you to throw a trash can off the roof into the path of one of the oncoming cars. This causes the driver to slam on his brakes and, unbeknowns to him, prevents a major collision.

Not only did you have a reality/godlike vantage point but you had free will as well. Free will allows us to intervene. Think of it as god whispering to us and giving us a heads-up as to what we can do. We are the instruments of change. We can change potential reality before it becomes real.

My point isn’t theological; it’s a reminder to all of us to use our free will and move off our point and explore another’s point of view before we condone, condemn, or counteract it. It’s sticking with our one vantage point that allows accidents to happen.

Which animal would you like to be like, a lion, an elephant or a bear? How quickly did you answer? Did you take time to consider all the choices or did you preferentially select one? If you didn’t consider all the options (vantage points), you are not using your free will, but rather your conditioned will.

If you continually act out of conditioning, you are at the mercy of reality. Free will expands your options, but you have to use it to gain additional vantage points.

Free will isn’t free. You have to “pay” attention that you’re about to offer a conditioned reaction and use your free will to choose a different response.

Think of it this way: Using free will turns vantage points into advantage points.

All the best,

John

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May 14, 2013

Clinging to the Surface

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 6:41 am

C483339 m It seems to me that our default reaction is to cling to what we know even though there is a preponderance of evidence that it’s not working. This has a new name for me – “Clinging to the Surface.”

We get lots of invitations during our life but none more valuable than the invitation to go deeper. We scratch and claw to stay on the surface and the feeling we come away with after ignoring the invitation is empty.

Going deeper isn’t talking about or contemplating “deep” topics; it’s more about digging deeper than your conditioned reactions. When you are involved in an interaction with someone clinging to the surface, you are at a “Pat Answer Party.” It’s a conversation that goes nowhere new. You can predict what the other person is going to say, so nothing new or deeper comes from that encounter.

You spent your time reading a rehearsed script rather than engaging in improv. It’s the reason that most sales people are seen in a less than flattering light. The ones who toss the script away and take the time to respond vs. react to you go deeper with you, and as a result have “deeper pockets,” meaning they make more money.

Just gauge your feelings the next time you get a recorded phone call or one from a telemarketer reading a script. It’s a surface clinging experience with no opportunity to go deeper.

You can attempt to go deeper with everyone you meet. Just toss away your rehearsed reactions and dig deeper for a response that takes you somewhere new. It can be a learning experience for both of you.

Many people won’t accept your invitation. They’ll cling to the surface for dear life, never realizing that they’re going around in circles. You’ll eventually find yourself avoiding these people. The term “shallow” comes to mind.

I occasionally taste and enjoy the empty calories of cotton candy at the fairgrounds, but a steady diet of interacting with a “circus barker” leaves me feeling empty.

We can only offer an invitation. It starts by you coming off of automatic pilot and watching where it goes. The benefit to going deeper is that you learn something new, not only about them, but about you.

All the best,

John

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May 10, 2013

Trash Day

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 6:54 am

C117806 m Today is trash collection day in our neighborhood. It’s the day to get unwanted things curbside.

It occurred to me that we may want to set aside a mental trash day as well. Perhaps it can coincide with the day your physical trash gets picked up.

It’s an easy exercise. Just dedicate the time you are hauling your trash to the pick-up point to also be the time that you empty your mental waste basket.

Take a moment to collect some thoughts that would serve you better if they were hauled away in a big truck. Mentally put them in a container that you will physically take to the curb. See how easy that is to imagine?

Then after pick-up, when you see the empty container, just notice how much lighter you feel. Each time you do this exercise, you get better at it and then rubbish reduction becomes second nature.

You automatically take the garbage that has been mentally piling up and put it out for collection on trash day.

It’s an exercise worth your practice and you don’t have to limit yourself to one pick-up day. Everyday can be trash day if you choose. Every time you find yourself emptying a receptacle, allow your mind to select some accumulated garbage and put it in a container for collection.

There are lots of side benefits besides feeling lighter – one being that your thoughts will be fresher and smell better.

You’ll never look at a garbage truck the same way again after automating this exercise.

Trash day may not become a national holiday but it can be one you celebrate every time you kick some garbage to the curb.

All the best,

John

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May 8, 2013

Next Step

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 7:07 am

C93016 m It occurred to me that thinking has gotten a bad rap, mainly from me, so I want to go on record and give thinking its proper due.

There is a big difference between run-of-the-mill thinking (talking to yourself inside your head) and thinking things through.

Most of the thinking we do is without objective. It’s just blathering commentary without purpose and it’s exceedingly repetitive.

Thinking things through has you methodically consider steps that need to be taken in order to accomplish something. It has a purpose. “What’s my next step?”is the operative question you want to be asking during purposeful thinking.

We’ve all been in situations where we haven’t thought things through. We blew ourselves up like Wile E. Coyote because we didn’t consider a step that needed to be taken in our haste to get to our objective.

This is quite prevalent when driving a highway route that’s unfamiliar to us. If you are following a printed Google map or even if you have GPS, you’ll want to know the next step. This is so you can prepare for it and not wait for it to “all of a sudden” come upon you and have to make a tricky maneuver to take the next turn.

“What’s my next step?” is the first question you should be asking yourself once you’ve completed the step before it. Reminds me of a story . . .

I’ve known media consultant, Holland Cooke
for over 30 years. He has lots of pithy sayings and has a boatload of useful suggestions when it comes to preparing. One of his suggestions is to rewrite your resume the day you get a new job. Most of us are caught up in the euphoria of the new gig and that has us put off the next step. Chances are, there’s going to be another job in your future, so get in the proper lane now so you can make your turn with as little last minute maneuvering as possible.

Are you just thinking or are you thinking things through? If you’re not thinking “What’s my next step?”, you’re walking around with gum on your shoe.

All the best,

John

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May 7, 2013

The Well

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 6:31 am

C495153 m How often do you go to the well? It will determine how much well being you experience.

Too often we go to the depth of conditioned reaction. That’s shallow. Going to the well is going deep and it doesn’t take a trip to the Himalayas or even a 15-minute meditation to get there.

Going to the well takes just a moment of noticing. Notice yourself about to give a conditioned reaction to a stimulus and don’t give it. Wait for a deeper response before you respond.

We are so conditioned to react that we forget that we have the ability to respond. Waiting for a response will take you deeper and add depth to your answer.

When your response comes from a place of depth, it’s authentic and here’s the bonus: Notice how much better you feel when offering something real.

Well being is a by-product of going to the well. It has you sidestep the role you play and adds authenticity to your day.

We’re not going to remember to do this all the time but when we do, we become refreshed from our depth. Remember to take a pause from time to time and drink from the well; it can be the difference between heaven and hell.

All the best,

John

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May 2, 2013

The Unknown

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 6:27 am

C575364 m Everyone is afraid of something and it seems that “The Unknown” is at the top of the list.

Topping the list of unknown fears is the fear of death. There are lots of books and opinions about death but no one really knows what happens afterward because it’s truly unknown.

I’ve had my share of fearful feelings about death over the years and this I can say with certainty: Hypochondria is the main symptom of the person who fears death the most.

The hypochondriac is a person who believes they are their thoughts. They haven’t been able to yet notice that who they are, and their thoughts about who they are, are separate and distinct. The people who fear death the most are the ones who haven’t yet made that distinction.

Their thoughts make up their image of themselves – a false image. We are not who we think we are. When the image we have of ourselves begins to break apart, we begin to fall apart and believe we are dying. This is when the symptoms of hypochondria begin to show.

If you run to the doctor with every ache and pain or you lie awake wondering if your latest physical concern will be the death of you, you have not made the discovery that “you” don’t exist.

This “you” is a collection of thoughts about who you think you are. If your image is that of young and dashing but the photographs show you are aging out of your image, this causes the image that you hold to start cracking. This can cause physical creakings to become “bumps in the night” and disturb your night’s sleep. The awake hours are just as bad when we have some alone time – alone with our fearful thoughts.

I have no idea what happens after we die; I only know that living with thoughts of death can be curtailed greatly by recognizing that we aren’t our thoughts. Our thoughts take on a life of their own and pretend to be us. We have allowed who we are to be commandeered by a tape recorder that plays the same loops over and over again, year after year.

When we discover that who we really are is the observer of our thoughts, rather than the thoughts themselves, we get to distance ourselves from the drama that thoughts bring. We get to observe our thoughts attempting to scare us to death. It’s sort of like being on the set of a horror movie. When you get to see the scenes being set up and filmed, they just aren’t as scary when they get on the big screen.

We’re all going to die and that’s a scary thought. But even scarier is dying everyday you live. Living every day of your life starts by noticing that you aren’t your thoughts about yourself. This frees us up to live more life and fear death less.

All the best,

John