Like speed in football, you can’t teach common sense.

“The Greatest Generation,” that Tom Brokaw refers to in his book, grew up in the Great Depression and fought World War II. They had little education and tons of common sense. These people sent their children to college, often with less than a high school education themselves.

It seems we have gotten away from using that which we were born with and are attempting to substitute knowledge for knowhow.

For the record, I not only think higher education is great, but also a necessity in today’s employment climate. Reminds me of a story . . .

The first civilian police force my son joined required a college education for all police officers. According to the Captain, part of the reason it was required was to get policemen with a higher maturity level and ones who demonstrated the ability to start and complete something.

But you can’t teach common sense. For example, if you were a parking checker (Meter Maid), would you ticket a hearse in a no parking zone during a funeral? Such was the case yesterday in Milwaukee. (Read Here)

Common sense has taken a back seat. We all have it but it’s being used less frequently.

Common sense has gotten edged out by our conditioned notion that others know better because they are more learned than we. These are the people who argue which college is better. Here’s the rub: Harvard and (insert your community college here) both graduate educated morons – ones who forget they have common sense.

There is a candidate for the U.S. Senate who has fudged her educational credentials. In this age of fact checking and a 24/7 news cycle, it appears she didn’t use her common sense when padding her educational resume.

Often, we want to appear to be who we are not. We add layers and layers to ourselves in order to impress others. My mother and father, part of the greatest generation, never had a problem saying what they did. My father said, “I’m a bricklayer” and my mother said, “I’m a waitress” and they said it with pride and no sense of being less than.

Common sense will never have you feel inferior; only a conditioned sense can do that.

I would recommend that you get all the education you can afford, but less than you need to forget that you have common sense.

All the best,

John

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What we want is often counterbalanced by what we don’t want. As long as the dichotomy exists, we are at the mercy of the middle.

You can mix oil and water together for a time but, given time, they go back to their respective corners.

Anytime there is an elongated debate between “want” and “don’t want,” you are in for a protracted stall.

One of them has to win in order for you to move forward.

Listing the pros and cons of something may help clarify your thinking, but when that practice becomes an everyday event, you are practicing staying stuck.

It’s a crude, old expression but its wisdom is timeless: “Shit or get off the pot.” (For our younger readers, it has nothing to do with marijuana).

“I would take my husband back if I knew he would remain faithful” is a want/don’t want statement. It’s a conditional desire.

The conditions have to be removed to remove the inertia from “want” and “don’t want.”

Until you are ready to go for what you want without conditions, you will remain a member of the world’s most popular dance club – Two steps forward, one step back.

There will be consequences in going for what you want; there always are, but if they are everlastingly considered, you will never get what you want.

The ancient Persian Poet, Rumi gives some perspective on wanting.

Don’t grieve for what doesn’t come.
Some things that don’t happen
keep disasters from happening.

There comes a time to choose between “want’ and “don’t want.”

You have to want one more than the other, otherwise your peace will be subjected to a lifetime of tug of war.

I wish I could tell you that one is better than the other, but only you can decide.

Decide means taking sides. It’s the action that removes the shadow from doubt.

There’s a reason “Just Contemplate It” never caught on.

All the best,

John

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A.S.K. is an acronym I came up with years ago that capsulizes the biblical guidepost that reads, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

I was going to write a book about “A.S.K.-ing” but was too lazy. I did write a blog post on GIVING & RECEIVING last October which contained ASKING, but it didn’t go far enough.

Ask yourself this: “As an adult, how much manna has fallen out of the sky into your life?” If you’re anything like me, those feedings have been few.

I’m embarrassed to admit that there is a part of me still waiting for someone to knock on my door and hand me a basket full of fruition. That’s the part I have labeled as “Delusional.”

What you receive in life really boils down to this – ASKING!

What keeps us from asking others for what we want?

Fear that they won’t give it to us seems to be the #1 answer.

We not only fear not getting what we want, but also what others will think of us for asking for it. Perhaps they’ll think we’re pushy, selfish, high maintenance, imposing, not entitled or not worthy.

Here’s the secret: Asking has far little to do with being selfish and much more to do with survival.

You have to ask for what you want in life or you will spend a lifetime wanting.

There are only three possible answers to asking – Yes, No or Maybe. (Note: the “Maybe” answer is mostly “No.”)

We have a phobic fear of “No.” Most of that can probably be traced back to it being a major conditioning word we received as a child. “No” means something “Bad.”

We’ll do anything to avoid hearing “No,” which is a major contributor to us not asking.

Not asking for what we want is an epidemic. Taking what we want without permission is not the answer. That always leads to conflict.

We do so many things to avoid asking; the least effective being “Hinting.”

The answer to getting what you want is to ask and ask specifically. Also, get in the habit of asking the people that can help you, not the ones who will only commiserate with you.

You can live your life with a bruised ego but it’s more difficult living a life where you don’t get what you want.

I’m asking you to ask because receiving begins with asking.

All the best,

John

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I was not a big fan of Bob Dylan but I did like the lyrics to many of his early songs.

Yesterday, I was trimming a Scotts Pine tree in my front yard and a phrase from Dylan’s “The Times They Are A Changing“ kept repeating in my head – “Don’t criticize what you can’t understand.”

It got me to thinking what I was critical of, about which I lacked understanding.

I don’t understand politics – never have. I have an appreciation for the process but I’m far from understanding how it works, thus I’m critical.

My sense is that I’m not alone. Criticism of politicians is at a high point. My guess is the elected officials rely on our ignorance to keep what they have going in place. It’s kind of like the law. They write it in such un-understandable lingo, that we cannot possibly comprehend it. It’s by design to keep us reliant upon them.

Yet the wave of criticism keeps building. Again, the long ago lyrics of Bob Dylan provide an appropriate warning.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don’t stand in the doorway
Don’t block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There’s a battle outside ragin’.
It’ll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin’.

My brother-in-law was fond of saying, “If you’re smart enough to understand something, you should be smart enough to explain it to me so that I can understand.”

I don’t think politicians have believed, until now, that they have to explain themselves in understandable terms. It’s new territory for most of them because they are so adept at not answering questions.

I really do want to understand and not criticize my elected officials. I wonder how soon they’ll figure out that they have to explain themselves to us in understandable terms or bear the consequences.

And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You’ll be drenched to the bone.

Bob Dylan’s message hasn’t changed – “The Times They Are A Changing.”

All the best,

John

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“It’s tough to help someone if you think they need fixing.” So said The Grasshopper even before the sun came up this morning.

Sometimes we get so focused on the flaw that we ignore the fact that people aren’t broken, just conditioned.

When the flaw is our only focus, we blind ourselves to peoples’ vast reservoir of resources that will help them recondition themselves.

It’s not our job to point out the obvious; it’s better to point someone in the direction of noticing what they haven’t noticed – their ability to retool on their own.

My mentor, Dr. Dave Dobson often said, “People are their own best therapists.” They just need a helping hand to find what’s hidden in plain sight.

The notion of being broken is something we borrow from Newtonian Physics (mechanical view) and the medical model. Everything is treated like a broken leg – set it and forget it.

We use a one size fits all formula that misses the mark all too often.

We all serve as people helpers whether it’s our occupation or not. Where we drop the ball is focusing on flaws rather than on resources.

The thinking goes like this: Flaws suggest imperfections and imperfections need fixing. When we let our prejudice of what their perceived flaw is be our guide, we negate our ability to lead them where they need to go because, at that point, we are both in the dark.

When we reframe our view of flaws as just being off course, we remove our bias and blinders about the person, and can see clearly in which direction to point them.

You can’t help a flawed person because the flaw is s concrete block in your mind and it stands in the way of you being helpful.

The more disdain you have for the “flaw,” the less likely you are to help.

Moon rockets are off course 90% of the time. They are not flawed; they are self correcting – just as we are.

Point people to their perfection and they’ll solve their own problems.

Here’s a big secret: People already know what’s wrong with them. They don’t need our help in pointing out the obvious. What they need from us is a willingness not to judge their off course conditioning. This willingness opens our eyes to previously unlighted paths to suggest they walk down.

Remember this: A fly in the ointment is still a fly, not a remedy.

People don’t need fixing; they need finding.

They need to find the resources they already have, not another version of what’s wrong with them.

All the best,

John

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One of the things that we humans spend the most time doing doesn’t matter – thinking!

We attach so much importance to that which doesn’t matter and so little to that which does – acting!

Think about it: We spend most of our time thinking about acting. It doesn’t matter!

The only things that have external consequences are our actions.

It doesn’t take 1000 parts thinking per action.

The more you think the less action you take.

When you catch yourself thinking about the same exact thing you’ve thought about a thousand times before, here is a thought that will stop your thinking in its tracks and make room for action: IT DOESN’T MATTER.

“It doesn’t matter” is a trigger phrase that puts your thoughts in perspective and calms your mental meanderings so you have room for an action thought to pop in.

“It doesn’t matter” takes some practice but the peace of mind that it produces is well worth your effort.

Here is the exercise:

1. Notice yourself in the process of thinking (talking to yourself in your head).
2. Interrupt that process by bringing to mind this phrase: IT DOESN’T MATTER.

What you will find after a little bit of rehearsal is that you begin thinking less and acting more.

This isn’t a suggestion not to look before you leap; it’s more of a way out of a thought process you’ve leapt into a thousand times before without results.

“It doesn’t matter” is a reminder of what little importance repetitive thinking is. It’s a mantra that will suspend thinking and launch action.

You will train yourself to easily transition out of thoughts that don’t matter into a calmer frame of mind that produces results.

What you will learn is, no matter how “serious” your repetitive thoughts are, they don’t matter. Thinking things over for the 1001 time doesn’t matter; freeing up your mental real estate does.

The next time you catch yourself thinking about the same thing again, throw in the clutch by deliberately thinking, “It doesn’t matter.”

When it comes to getting results, thinking doesn’t matter.

All the best,

John

“You can’t live on leftovers” opined The Grasshopper.

Eventually you have to cook a new meal in order to supply more leftovers.

Those who attempt to live on leftovers alone, have a crook in their neck from looking backwards.

Memories do live on and are a wonderful thing to look back on, but they can’t provide enough sustenance to live on.

My mother often said about her mother-in-law, my grandmother, that she could make a banquet out of leftovers. That is an admirable skill to have, but if you try and make a living at it, you will starve.

An anachronist is really a taxidermist attempting to stuff life into that which is dead. It’s a great parlor trick until you notice that you can’t live on the meat of a stuffed deer.

Leftovers have a short lifespan and eventually spoil if you attempt to use them as your only food source.

Your memories are the spice in life, never the meal.

When you confuse the two, you get the condition known as the heartburn of heartache. And like most heartburn, it’s self induced.

There’s a reason they only hold class reunions once in awhile. That’s because you run out of things to chew on when “Remember when” is the only thing on the bill of fare.

Cherish your memories and sprinkle them in whenever appropriate. It adds a nice dash to the meal.

When they are the sole ingredient, you leave your soul hungry – hungry for something new on the menu.

Here is today’s suggestion: Let’s try a new restaurant.

All the best,

John

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What’s expected of you?

There are so many answers to that question depending on who is doing the expecting.

If it’s you, chances are you’re in the deepest do-do.

Personal expectation is often a false god.

Expectation would be helpful if it was only a measurement between where you are and where you want to be. Where expectation gets in the way is when you curse yourself for where you currently are.

There is nothing wrong with setting a goal unless it makes you feel less than you are.

Browbeating may get you to an expectation but the victory will be short-lived and hollow. Suppose someone beats themselves into submission that they should be 50 pounds lighter. If they go on a monastic diet (think Oprah in 1986), they exalt and then expand again.

It’s tough enough attempting to live up to the expectations of others, but they pale in comparison to the harm we do when we torture ourselves with our own.

Here is the flawed logic we use. We think a flawed person can craft a strategy to be an unflawed person. The flaw in that argument is that we’re flawed at all.

It’s the perceived flaw that keeps us from reaching our expectations.

Yes, it’s sound benchmarking to do periodic comparisons between where we are and where we want to be, but it becomes pure theatre when we act as if we are flawed.

A flawed person cannot get to where they want to go until they rid themselves of the notion they are flawed.

When you accept who you are and where you are, you increase your odds for reaching your expectations.

Back to the weight loss example: If you came to the realization that you are 50 pound heavier than you would like to be and crafted a sound plan to get there, that’s a step in the right direction. Here’s how that plan gets thwarted:

“I am a fat, lazy slob that needs to lose 50 pounds. I’m going to go on a diet and get to where I expect to be.”

Your expectation is filled with poisonous energy. There is no hint of acceptance in your plan. You are doomed to repeat your failures.

Try this on for size. “According to the height, weight and age charts, I’m 50 pounds overweight. I’m going to seek out a plan that helps me reach that goal.”

The goal is the same in both cases; the methods for getting there are vastly different. The difference that makes a difference is acceptance.

When you accept where you are without all the personal invective and then execute a plan, your expectation has a far greater chance of materializing.

Great expectations can happen but not if you remained flawed.

Start your journey with acceptance and expect to do much better.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper visited yesterday afternoon and delivered this: “Defining happiness is an impediment to happiness.”

It felt like a revealing statement but I had no logic to go with it, until now.

Happiness is a feeling accompanied by a quiet frame of mind.

Defining happiness is a drawn out, noisy state of affairs.

Defining happiness goes something like this: “I’ll be happy when . . .”

The “. . .” represents the noise in your mind.

When you keep the definition carrot in the forefront of your mind, you define happiness as a future event that remains elusive. That noise distracts you from being happy now.

The question most of us rarely ask is: “How can I be happy now?”

If there is an opportunity to feel happiness, that question will short circuit all the noise about its future arrival, and focus you on your ability to feel that feeling now.

Happiness isn’t a planned event. Planning on being happy is creating noise that keeps its arrival at arm’s length.

There is no harm in thinking about the things that make you happy. That bit of reverie actually produces wonderful feelings in your body. It’s when you concoct a precise course for its arrival that you crank up the noise machine that keeps you unhappy.

When you ask, “How can I be happy now?” you are presented with current options versus potential pleasure.

Statements like, “When I get married, then I’ll be happy” or “When we have money, then we’ll be happy” keep the focus on your current unhappiness.

Unhappiness is noisy and happiness isn’t.

The quickest way to find the serenity of happiness is to find out how you can be happy now. It may not be the ultimate happiness that’s in your grand plan, but it conditions you to feel happiness in the moment. This practice of feeling happy now gets you into the habit of doing so, and it builds happiness without a defined diagram.

Planning for future happiness is a guaranteed way to miss the happiness that’s present now.

When you catch yourself caught up in crafting plans for future happiness, bring yourself back to the moment and ask, “How Can I be happy now?”

All the best,

John

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I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but my guess is that low information voters make up about 85 to 90% of the electorate.

Low information voters are like the first O.J. Simpson jury – easily pandered to.

Who is a low information voter? – Anyone who considers only one point of view.

Whether you are an exclusive, dyed-in-the-wool viewer of either Fox News or MSNBC, you do yourself a disservice by not looking at what the other side is presenting.

Even if you are intelligent enough to read the articles in either the National Review or Mother Jones Magazine, you remain a low information voter if you refuse to entertain what the other is saying.

If you vote a straight ticket, you are a low information voter. “My father was a Whig, therefore I’m a Whig.”

They say that people vote their pocketbook in an election, but the low information voter is having their pocket picked when they vote their prejudices.

Low information voters are being used by the high priced, media message shapers to get their candidate elected. They pander to your prejudice. They find out what you hate and make the opposing candidate responsible for it.

Politics is a dirty business but it is the only system we have, and it beats chaos.

Here’s the rub: Low information voters determine who gets elected in every election.

I only have one request. If you participate in the voting process, find out what the other candidate really stands for before casting your vote, not what your candidate’s ads say about them.

The truth is we are all easily led and someone else is making our choice for us. So to make sure you have a real choice when it comes to voting, set your prejudices aside for a moment and look at things from the other side of the fence.

It accomplishes two things.

1. It keeps you from being a low information voter.
2. It helps you reclaim your freedom of choice.

Odds are if you don’t think this blog post refers to you, you are a low information voter with no choice.

All the best,

John

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