My friend Pablo claims that people don’t change. I agree with his assertion with one caveat: Some people do evolve.

I know I’ve evolved on many viewpoints and actions that I’ve held or engaged in in the past, so it’s not hard for me to believe evolvement has happened to others as well.

I’ve come to believe that the evolvement is different for men and women. In general, women have been described as having Yin (feminine) energy; Men have been described as have Yang (masculine) energy.

The evolvement has men adopt more feminine energy and women to take on more masculine energy. Each becomes more balanced in the process. And one thing the yin and yang symbol does represent is balance.

I’ve witnessed too many women of a certain age declare (verbally or by their actions) that “I’m not going to take it any more.” That’s evolving towards masculine energy.

Men get in less bar fights after a certain age. Call it common sense or adopting feminine energy. Either description works for me.

My sense is this: To evolve we have to entertain viewpoints and actions that don’t match up with the energy we’ve pledged allegiance to in the past.

You can practice on your own before taking your new energy out into the big world. Try on the opposite energy and see what it feels like. It may be uncomfortable at first but gets easier with each fitting.

After a while, the new energy seems natural to you and not a departure from who you are. You’re just more inclusive now and that seems to be the prescription for evolving.

All the best,

John

As we head into a new year, here’s a posting from an old year about something that never goes out of style: GRATITUDE.

I was meditating on the word GRATITUDE this morning and here’s what came up:

G. Give thanks daily. There is always something to be thankful for.

R. Respond with kindness.

A. Ask for what you want. Beating around the bush can get you poison ivy.

T. Treat others to your attention. It’s the biggest commodity you have to offer.

I. Immerse yourself in solitude daily.

T. “Thank you” will always get you more than “know you in the biblical sense.”

U. Uncover your hidden treasures. You may have to dig a little.

D. Discover others; it’s a great way to find out about yourself.

E. Empathize and you’ll never feel empty.

All the best,

John

Dear Ho, Ho!

This year I’m going for the brass ring and asking for what I really do want.

Will you bring me the will to turn off political, TV talk shows? They’re like car wrecks to me, I just have to stop and gawk.

Speaking of political, TV talk shows, please bring the hosts a dictionary so they can learn how to pronounce “forward.” How educated broadcasters can say “foe-ward” years on end is worse than stocking coal.

Santa, I have been good this year and was wondering if you could bring me something that helps me turn off my bullshit detector. When I watch the aforementioned shows, it goes off constantly when they have on an elected official as their guest. It’s quite bothersome.

And finally Santa, perhaps you can eradicate what I saw in my crossword puzzle this morning: redundant phrases like: “VIN Number” and “ATM Machine” and, of course, George Carlin’s favorite oddities: “Jumbo Shrimp” and “Plastic Glass.”

I’ve purposely left my list shorter this year to lighten the load on you and the reindeer.

Hope you and Mrs. Claus (nee Mary Christmas) have a great vacation in the Bahamas after the holidays.

Love & Hugs,

LJ (Little Johnny)

While doing my swimming workout yesterday, I was struck with this thought: Tension is caused by physically wanting to be where you aren’t.

While I was doing my laps, my thoughts went to all the last minute things I wanted to do before Christmas. My mind wanted to be doing those errands now but my body was immersed in swimming.

I started to notice tension in my shoulders and neck. There was a direct correlation between me wanting to be where I wasn’t and the tension forming in my body. It was a revelation.

I was causing my own tension by impossibly wanting to be in two places at once.

Once I had the realization, the tension eased and the rest of my workout went smoothly.

Begin to notice how often you want to be where you’re not and notice the tension that forms in your body. Just noticing the tension and its causative thought pattern steps you in the direction of letting that tension melt and fade away.

Tense? Start noticing where you actually are and then watch the other destination and the tension disappear from your thoughts and your body.

All the best,

John

Got this notion the other day after having a conversation with my son: Dreaming is Brainstorming.

Not the dreams you dream at night but the ones you engage in during your waking hours.

I’m also not referring to daydreams – they’re dreams that dream you. They just pop up without conscious volition.

The dreams that I’m addressing are the ones where you consciously dream about how things could be. These dream sessions serve as a catalyst for new ideas to pop up – just like brainstorming.

If you’re the type that doesn’t brainstorm very well (I’m included in that list), then dreaming can act as your catalyst. The reason I’m not very good at brainstorming is my mind immediately generates all the reasons why the idea presented won’t work. Brainstorming is like improv: you take what’s given to you and run with it. That’s how you get to the idea that could work.

But dreaming is free-form. You don’t come up with reasons why the dream won’t work because you say, “It’s only a dream.”

Reminds me of a story . . . many years ago I was on the phone with a friend and we were bitching and moaning about life. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation the following came to me: I said, “Do you know what our problem is? We’ve stopped dreaming.”

We were so locked in to the notion that life wasn’t working that we were blinded to options that dreaming could provide.

Your next brainstorm can come out of a dream. Make some time in your day to consciously dream. It just may be the catalyst to wake you up from your nightmare.

All the best,

John

The holidays are here or soon coming, and coming for some will be the holiday blues. Below is a Grasshopper message about unhappiness from Christmas Past. I hope you take the time to get a feel for it.

Speaking from personal as well as professional experience, we wage a war against unhappiness and lose every battle.

The problem is the declaration of war. It would be much more healthy and productive if we learned to peacefully co-exist with unhappiness. It’s like dog poop; it’s everywhere and it will always be around.

Reminds me of a story . . . about 20 years ago I took training in the martial art of Aikido. After being instructed in the basic movements, holds and falls, the most counter-intuitive thing to learn was to step into an attack. Every natural instinct seems to want us to move back and away from our attacker. The objective is to move in smaller circles than your attacker. When you enter their larger circle with a smaller one, you control where the action flows. It’s a simple principle to understand but harder to put into action due to our conditioning.

Our conditioning is to traditionally fight with unhappiness. We have plenty of help. Our entire advertising culture preys upon the conditioning that there is something wrong with being unhappy and offers us a quick fix. The medical and psychological community follows suit with prescriptions and remedies to chase away the blues.

Unhappy does not feel good and who in their right mind would want it to hang around?

We would be better served as human beings to let unhappiness have a time share unit within us. When it shows up, treat it with respect and spend time with it. It is a powerful emotion that can be a driving force to what’s next. But you have to let it take a seat and be with it in order to benefit by the energy it brings.

If you fight it, you are negating its energy field and you never get the upside from the downside. That’s because you are taking sides and making unhappiness be your enemy. Unhappiness is relentless and will keep battering the castle door until it gets in.

Fighting with unhappiness is more destructive and painful than letting it in. You make unhappiness an enemy by resisting it. “Make Unhappiness your Friend” is a book title that probably wouldn’t sell and a practice that wouldn’t catch on, but making it an acquaintance delivers benefits.

When you accept the unhappiness within, you give it free reign to roam around your body where it eventually tires out and takes a rest. If you keep resisting it in your mind, it will tire you out with countless weary battles.

There is something on the other side of unhappiness but you’ll never get there unless you allow it to naturally move through you.

Again, like Aikido, this is counter-intuitive and highly effective. It takes practice and the rewards of peace outweigh the spoils of war.

All the best,

John

Have you ever experienced a wave? I’m not referencing the one in the ocean but, rather, a cultural phenomenon.

Reminds me of a story . . .

I used to be a radio broadcaster – a DJ. I moved to Kansas City for a radio job that looked quite promising. The station I worked for was a 50,000 Watt AM Powerhouse. I made more money than I ever had up to that point. Life was good.

What was going on below decks was the wave I was unaware of. I wasn’t alone. The wave was the tipping point of FM radio. Listeners went away in waves, almost overnight, from AM to FM and the station I worked for sank rapidly.

If we had been paying attention rather than pooh-poohing the upstart FMs, we would have left AM radio before it left us.

There is a wave going on in our country right now. It’s not a fad, nor is it something we can ignore. We do so at our own peril.

I don’t talk politics. It’s folly to do so. I talk more about patterns and change. The wave (change) that’s happening now is about women. More specifically, women, seemingly overnight, have found their collective voice and no one will be able to shout them down.

This women’s wave has been building for quite some time and most didn’t see it coming. And those most threatened by it continue to ignore the wave and pretend it’s a fancy that will pass. They will be swallowed up by its sheer force.

Wave goodbye to things the way they were. They will have their place in history but they will have no place in our current society.

We’ve entered a new era and those who ignore it will be ignored. It’s no wonder that “Wonder Woman” is one of the most successful movies of 2017.

To put a fine point on my point, I will leave you with lyrics from a Beach Boys Song I used to play on the radio: “Catch a wave and you’re sitting on top of the world.”

All the best,

John

Below is a post from long ago designed to make you uncomfortable.

“Success Lies Outside Your Comfort Zone.”

It’s my experience that marginal results come from staying inside our zone of comfort. If you claim you want success, you can’t refrain from moving towards the edge.

Many years ago, my hypnosis teacher, Dr. Dave Dobson use to say, “The luscious, ripe fruit is out on the skinny branches.” That picture he painted stays with me ’til this day and serves as a reminder that risk is a necessary part of reward.

The sales profession comes to mind. I’m sure there are some people who are very successful selling merchandise at parties out of their home – Tupperware, jewelry, makeup, etc. I’m also certain the successful ones are the exception rather than the rule. The bulk of the unsuccessful ones think they are professional sales people. They’re not. They are presenters and order takers. The successful sellers know the “dog and pony” show is only part of the skill set. They also know that future business isn’t going to come to them; they are going to have to seek it out.

That requires getting out of your comfort zone and making requests of “strangers.”

The life insurance industry knows they are going to have a large washout rate with beginning insurance sales people. They provide them training and then send them out to sell. Once these people pitch all their relatives and the neighbors they are “comfortable” with, their sales come to a standstill.

They all have a product to sell but most can’t sell it because they refuse to move out of their comfort zone. Here’s the ever-present excuse for failure to sell: “Oh, I’m just not a sales person.” Sorry, everyone is a sales person. The reason they’re not successful is because they won’t do what’s necessary – move out of their comfort zone.

We’re always selling something to somebody; it’s the give and take of life. That’s sales. To get better at sales, we need to make more requests. It’s really that simple. The first step to making a sale is making a request.

Want to get more sales in life? Make more requests. “But I’m not comfortable asking people for things,” you say. Then get used to not having what you want. I, again, for the zillionth time quote my 4th grade teacher, Miss Wagner: “You can either have what you want or your reasons why not.” Comfort is the reason you’re not successful.

You can either stay in your comfort zone (rut) or you can ask for what you want. Those are the plain and simple choices.

If you’re not in the habit of making requests, start. You can begin small and work your way up. But start now. When you branch out of your comfort zone, you start gathering in the fruits of your labor.

All the best,

John

I was visited by this blogpost from Christmas Past and thought the message would make the upcoming holidays more inclusive.

Seems just about everyone has a favorite Christmas movie – It’s a Wonderful Life, Elf, The Polar Express, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Christmas Vacation, etc.

The one that sticks with me most is Miracle on 34th Street (The Original). It stars a young Natalie Wood beginning to doubt the existence of Santa Claus. It’s a delightful film about believing and doubt.

Beliefs are something we all share in common. If you mentally exist, you believe.

Beliefs, by their nature, are exclusionary. The minute you commit to one, all the others on the same topic are on the outside looking in.

The stickiest of wickets is believing that your belief is right. “Right” is a word that has wronged for centuries. It’s also exclusionary. It makes anyone who believes differently from you on the other side of the fence.

The reason I like the little girl in “Miracle on 34th Street” so much is because she has doubts about her beliefs. It’s a childlike quality we can all aspire to because, by adulthood, our beliefs are more solid than month old fruitcake – no room for doubt.

Just like we bring out the holiday decorations once a year, it would serve us well to plug in an old belief and test it once a season to see if it still lights up – meaning, “Is it useful?”

Is there a long held belief you own that’s worthy of some doubt?

Doubt is the catalyst that makes you look in more than one direction.

Is this the season to dust off your doubt and bring it out?

Who purposely decorates their tree with burned out lights? – You and me when we refuse to use doubt to help us see.

Beliefs get re-gifted from one generation to the next never being questioned for their truth. Sadly, when we get to this true believer stage, there’s little room for doubt.

If no one else gets it for you this holiday season, you can give yourself the gift of doubt. It lights up the dark corners of Christmases past to see if their gifts are bright enough to light the way to a less rigid future.

This Christmas make sure the most enlightening gift is on your wish list. It’s the “Talking Thomas” doll – You just pull a string and he says, “I doubt it!”

All the best,

John

As we approach Christmas and the holiday season, I found an old post that addresses spirit and how it never gets old.

Old, as we have discussed before, lives somewhere on a continuum that’s older than you are. The old axiom, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” underscores that our spirit remains the same. It’s vibrant and unchangeable.

My grandmother, whom I’ve also mentioned before, had a response to the question of “How are you doing?” She would say, “I’m getting old.” She never admitted to being old, only getting there. My mother was less delicate. She would respond to the same question by saying, “Not bad for an old broad.”

These people were in tune with their ageless spirit until their dying day. They recognized that old really is a mindset.

I have always had a great rapport with older women. I think it stems from a suggestion I got from my father in the 4th grade. Perhaps a story would be helpful . . .

The school I attended had a raffle each Fall and each student was required to sell tickets. After you sold your mother, father, aunts, uncles, grandparents and nearby neighbors, you had to find new customers. I was a little hesitant going out and asking strangers if they wanted to buy raffle tickets.

My father gave me the strategy that proved quite effective. Before I tell you his suggestion, I will remind you that at that time, most women did not work outside of the home. They were known as homemakers or referred to as a term that I’ve come to despise, “housewives.”

My father said it was most likely that a woman would answer the door. He said the first question I should ask them is not, “Do you want to buy a raffle ticket for my school?” He said to ask, “Is your mother home?” He said no matter how old the woman answering the door; I was to ask that question first. I sold the most raffle tickets in my class.

I was addressing the ageless spirit in each of those women by using that piece of stealth flattery I got from my father.

It grew into more than flattery for me as I grew older. I found that I began talking with older women and men the same way I would talk to people my age. I never made them feel old. I never presupposed that because they were older, they wouldn’t get what I was talking about or be offended by something I would readily say to someone of my generation.

Older people don’t need to be protected. They have lived longer than you and have survived more than you can imagine. To treat them as less of a citizen because of their age is demeaning.

Also, I have come to ask older people their opinions on decisions I have been contemplating. The wisdom that pours out is priceless.

Yes, you will find older people that only want to talk about their health and prescriptions and how it used to be, but you will also find those people in any adult age group. Once you’ve weeded out the chronic complainers, you will find a treasure of perception that may not be readily apparent to you.

If you assume they don’t know, you’ll never ask and remain impoverished.

Find your version of “Is your mother home?” and discover a mother lode from someone in their “Golden Years.”

All the best,

John