I was awakened in the middle of the night with a phrase ringing in my mind – “Supercharged on Superficial.” I wrote it down and went back to sleep.

I looked at the scribbling when I awoke this morning and it made no sense. Then I had a cup of tea and as it warmed me the concept became clear in the tea leaves, so to speak.

How do you know when you are in a conversation that is supercharged on superficial? It’s a conversation where one, both or all of the participants don’t ask questions.

It’s one train of thought passing another train of thought blowing their whistles that only dogs can hear.

There is no communication taking place only mouths moving saying nothing.

To insure that a bit more substantive communication takes place, questions are necessary. They slow down the train of thought and get it focused in a particular area rather than being all over the rail yard.

If someone is just talking to you and not asking any questions, they are really throwing up on you with big chunks of superficial.

I request that you monitor your communications today and notice how long a particular back and forth goes on before someone asks a question. This conversation can be with anyone – your boss, your employee, a spouse, a family member, friend or foe.

The longer it goes on without a question, the shorter it will be on substance.

If you just want to pass gas in each others’ direction, don’t ask any questions and you’ll leave the interaction feeling like you’ve only consumed cotton candy.

If you want to go past superficial, ask questions.

All the best,

John

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I love birthdays. I love remembering them and celebrating them, especially the ones of people close to me. I will admit that I even get a warm fuzzy when the waiters and waitresses sing happy birthday to a total stranger in a restaurant.

I’m sure I’ve explained it before but birthdays seem to be a day to celebrate the uniqueness you or someone else has developed in this lifetime – your special brand of light.

Am I alone in remembering birthdays? Reminds me of a story . . .

About 20 years ago, my friend, Paul was interviewing 50s-60s teen idol, Bobby Rydell. I forget how it came up but Bobby was talking about a kid he knew in high school who had a knack for remembering his classmates’ birthdays. The amusing part of the story is that’s how this fellow would greet you. He would say, “Hi 9-28” or “Good morning 4-16.” That’s when I knew I wasn’t alone.

Birthdays are a celebration of the first time we were treated to you. They point to a special day where someone fresh and new came into our world. Celebrate that freshness as often as you can, and certainly on your or someone else’s special day.

Today is my youngest son’s birthday. Although, as my mother would have lovingly said, “He’s big and ugly now,” his birthday reminds me of the special light he brought into this world with him. It’s such a pleasure and joy to watch that light shine.

I invite you to investigate a new angle of view about birthdays. Remember to celebrate the special brand of light shone by the birthday boy or girl, no matter what their age. Allow the candles on the cake to remind you of the special brand of light that’s always present within them and you.

Happy Birthday 9-28. My birthday wish for you is that you get to see the same light as I do in you.

All the best,

John

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“If you’re in court, answer the objection; if you’re in your head, don’t.” – So said The Grasshopper the other day.

I wrote it down but I had no clue as to its value. It sat for a couple of days and this is what came to me:

When an objection arises inside of our head, it’s in opposition to another piece of “evidence” that’s been presented in there. In other words, we’re talking to ourselves and going back and forth about an issue that internal debate will never solve.

As long as you’re debating, you’re not acting. And if you’re anything like me, the debates have become marathons, and the only reason they end is not because anyone won; it’s because we got tired of debating.

Anytime there is a “should” and “shouldn’t” going on in your head, you’re in for an all-nighter.

The key to suspending the debate is to observe the debate rather than participate.

That means to sit as an observer of the points and counterpoints and notice how they take on a life of their own. Notice how each point is clamoring for attention and how each successive counterpoint gets greater emphasis. It’s quite the show. It’s absolutely pure entertainment when you sit on the sidelines and watch. It’s your own top-rated sitcom and you’ll be entertained by every episode if you just observe.

The minute you choose to participate, the entertainment value goes away and you return to the tongue lashing treadmill that will tire you out and take you nowhere.

The way to end the debate is to observe it in action. Noticing without participation shortens the internal gas-fest and allows space for an actionable idea to pop in.

The minute you notice yourself objecting to a thought in your head, you have been handed the keys to the kingdom. You can choose to unlock the door by continuing to observe, or you can argue about whose going to unlock the door, which is participating.

Fighting with yourself inside your head is sillier than cheating at Solitaire. Both may make you feel superior for the moment, but you know you really haven’t won anything.

An internal fight cannot continue when the objections cease. The way to object less is to observe more.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper was up before the sun this morning and had this to say: “Bliss has no prejudice.”

I don’t know about you, but I could use more bliss in my life. I find that when I enter a state of bliss, there is no room for anything else but the feeling itself. It’s an all encompassing sensation that lets me know that everything is taken care of.

When you’re in a state of bliss, there is no room for any of this:

Preferences, prejudices, judgements, hatreds, worries, fears, the need to be right or the need to win. This is only a partial list of things that disappear when we are in a state of bliss.

Notice, however, how quickly our list of items comes back when we are not in a state of bliss.

Our list is what keeps us from entering a state of bliss more often. We are so busy occupying our mind with our positions that we position ourselves on the outskirts of bliss.

The things that go away when we are there are the things that keep us from getting there. It appears to be a Catch 22 about which there is nothing you can do.

My experience is that we can enter a state of bliss on purpose. We do that by recognizing our thought process at work. I am eternally grateful to Jerry Stocking for discovering how going past your first response to a stimulus moves you closer to bliss. A fuller explanation of the process is available in his free e-book The Mind Relief Manuscript that you can sign up for by clicking here.

In short, we have a first response to every stimulus, whether we’re aware of it or not. A stimulus comes along and our conditioned response is right there in a split second. The key to moving towards bliss on purpose is to notice that you also have a second response to the stimulus and a third, a fourth and a 25^th response. It’s the pursuit of those responses further down the list that produces bliss.

This is not a quick fix; it’s a discipline – a way of doing things differently that produces different results. Your first response always produces the same results – your list of items that keeps you from bliss.

What I find as I move further down my list of responses and choose one as my new response, I become more peaceful. I notice that I notice more. I become more observant. I also notice that my field of vision becomes wider, almost panoramic and the thought process in my head calms down, making room for bliss.

We can continue to respond with our first response to a stimulus and we now know exactly what that will get us – a defense of our rigid positions that keeps us from bliss.

It takes effort to remember to move past our first response, but the more often we do, the solidness of our positions loses its glue and the prospect of bliss comes into view.

All the best,

John

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Devotion and Passion had a race. Who won? It depends if it’s a sprint or a marathon.

It seems that Passion wins most all of the sprints and Devotion wins all of the marathons.

Is your life a sprint or is it a marathon? That determination will indicate to you what you need more of in your life.

Passion is a prime ingredient in life. It makes life zesty. The difficulty with passion is that it wanes for most and you can’t always depend on it to take you across the finish line.

Devotion runs a slow but steady race and you can count on it to be there at the finish line.

I tearfully watched the Medal of Honor ceremony at the White House last week. Marine Sgt. Dakota Meyer received the nation’s highest military honor for his bravery in Afghanistan where he rescued 36 U.S. and Afghan troops while being under heavy fire and while being wounded himself. It wasn’t passion that kept him going back time after time to rescue more people; it was his devotion.

He was devoted to his fellow Marines and those fighting alongside of them. It was devotion that allowed him to finish his mission.

What are you devoted to? It’s an exploration worth your time.

We generally know what we’re passionate about but I’m not sure we’ve given as much consideration to what we’re devoted to.

For example, I’m passionate about photography but I’m not devoted to it.

Devotion is an unwavering commitment that won’t take a backseat to anything.

If you haven’t devoted yourself to something or someone yet, you are missing out on much of the fullness life has to offer.

Is there someone you know who will be there for you no matter what? That’s devotion.

Who or what will you stand tall with? Who or what is worthy of your devotion?

If you don’t know, make the effort to find out. It will keep you in the race ’til the finish.

All the best,

John

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A big part of the game of football is turnovers. That’s when the ball unexpectedly gets turned over to the other team, usually due to an error on one player’s part. It’s often the deciding play as to who wins the game.

It seems to me that life is filled with turnovers – times when we drop the ball and lose.

It’s tempting to look around and look for someone else to blame it on, but the instant replay clearly shows that we were at fault no matter how many different angles we view it from.

When you turn the ball over, you are at a choice point. You get to choose whether you will defend your mistake (often referred to as doubling down) or you will make every effort to recognize your error and take steps not to repeat it in the future.

Have you recently dropped the ball? Are you going to drop it again? It really depends on the choice you make now.

Are you willing to continually give yourself a pass for your fumbles, or will you commit to a series of actions that will curtail future drops?

These are questions we are faced with every day. We all drop the ball and we all have a choice as to how we will handle the drop. Will it be more denial or a path forward?

The path forward has one key ingredient – Action!

You can have countless conversations with yourself (pep talks) planning how you’re going to hold onto the ball in the future, but talks without action will truly earn you the nickname of “Butterfingers.”

If hanging your head in shame were a remedy, we would have eradicated turnovers a long time ago.

“What steps am I going to take now that will prevent dropped balls in the future?” is the only remedy you need.

If you are planning on a different future without taking action now, it’s no different than reviewing a video of an old football game again expecting a different outcome.

The tried and true way to overturn turnovers is to take action now.

All the best,

John

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Are you looking for something you have in common with most people? Look no further than wanting to be saved.

It seems the bulk of the world’s population wants someone or something to save them. In the past, I’ve included myself in that list.

Then it became apparent to me that no one was going to save me. There wasn’t a list of people lined up to save me; they were too busy looking for someone to save them.

How many people buy a lottery ticket dreaming they’re going to lose? They want the lottery to save them. How many people pray for God to save them? My sense is that God or Creative Intelligence or Mother Nature or whatever you call it gave us all the tools necessary to save ourselves.

The tool that sits rusty in most of our tool boxes is action.

It takes action to be saved. Most of us look for an outside agent to magically appear at our door with the miracle cure. That’s a long wait; in fact, it’s an eternity.

Please allow me to offer you a hard reality in the simplest terms I can find: NO ONE IS GOING TO SAVE YOU BUT YOU!

The undue time we spend looking for a savior could be better spent taking action to save ourselves.

This doesn’t mean people can’t help you. They, in fact, are your best resource. Just don’t fall into the trap that they’re going to do it for you. Reminds me of a story I may have told before . . .

Dr. Dave Dobson told us about a guy in a crowded bar who was a bit “over-served.” He really had to pee but the bathroom was all the way on the other side of the room and he would have to negotiate a wall of people to get there. Then he got this bright idea. He fumbled into his wallet and pulled out a $20 bill and offered it to a stranger who was next to him and said, “I’ll give you 20 dollars if you walk across the bar to the men’s room and pee for me.”

That’s the absurdity of looking for someone to save you.

The question we need to ask ourselves regularly is: What action am I going to take to save myself? OR What action is necessary for me to save myself?

The minute you move away from action, you move away from salvation. Only action moves you in the direction of salvation.

I don’t have a 7-step plan to offer you for salvation because it only takes one – Action.

This I know for sure: Every time I fail to act, I miss another opportunity to be saved.

If you’ve been praying for salvation, your prayer has already been answered countless times. You just weren’t paying attention to the answer.

If you are a damsel in distress or a dude with a full bladder, action is the answer to your prayer. Action is your salvation.

All the best,

John

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I’ve stood at a very scary, but real, place recently – the Threshold of Old.

I’ve mentioned my late grandmother’s prescription for not stepping across that threshold. When you inquired how she was doing, she would say, “I’m getting old.” She never said that she was old; she was just getting there. That mindset kept her sharp as a tack until she left us in her 90s.

I found myself at a choice point. Just like you can feel a new season coming on, I felt a change coming over me and I knew I had to make a choice. My actions at this choice point would either have me cross over the Threshold of Old or take a more active route. Reminds me of a story . . .

About 9 years ago I attended a personal development workshop where there was a man who was the age I am now. The leader of the workshop asked him why he came. He said that he noticed that people of his age group were slipping into very mundane routines and they moved at a much slower pace than he wanted for himself. He said, “I don’t want to shuffle around like them; I want to walk and act with more purpose.”

He was at the Threshold of Old and he chose another route.

The Threshold of Old can come at any age. Have you ever noticed that there are a number of younger people that act like they are in their advanced years? They have crossed the threshold.

Once you cross over, it’s difficult to come back, but not impossible.

Let me make a distinction worth noting here. This isn’t about aging. That happens to all of us. This is about being old which is a mindset. Aging can lead to the Threshold of Old, especially if you lack awareness that the threshold exists. It’s this gift of awareness that I’m alluding to here.

The mindset of old will age you quicker than Father Time. It sneaks up on you and puts you in a comfort zone known as a rut. Being in this comfortable rut will have your bones creak more often and your zest for life sitting like a bird on the windowsill ready to take off and leave.

You just have to notice you’re at a choice point or that you have already crossed over. It’s this awareness that will give you the wherewithal to make another choice – one that leads to vitality vs. lethargy.

I’m happy I received this gift of awareness. It takes all the excuses away and only presents choices.

You do have a choice; so what will you choose? One route is a greased skid to being helpless; the other is filled with the promise of tomorrow. Choose wisely.

All the best,

John

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There are so many things that are not scientifically provable, yet those things are responsible for so many changes.

The 800 Pound Gorilla in the not provable category is the Placebo Effect. That’s when something is given to a patient that has no chance of healing them but is presented as being the Holy Grail. For example a doctor gives a sugar pill to a group of patients that have anxiety rather than a tranquilizer. A percentage of the sugar pill patients become calm.

A partial list of other things that can’t be proven yet are helpful to many includes:

Prayer
Acupuncture
Chicken Soup
Lucky charms (not the cereal)
Meditation
Hypnosis

Suppose your prayer was answered, are you really interested in hearing about the scientific theory of why it can’t work?

How many of you had Vicks VapoRub rubbed on your chest as a child to heal a cold? Best as I can tell is that all it does is heat up your chest. How many people felt better as a result of that ritual? How many people swear by it until this day? There is no scientific proof that it works.

How many of the people who have stopped smoking with hypnosis are concerned with the notion that it’s not scientifically provable? Ask a smoke -free Ellen DeGeneres if she cares about the science.

There are some things the intellect can’t prove that are as real as a sunrise. If you spend your whole life looking for proof, you just may miss the pudding.

Results are real and theory is not provable, that’s why it’s still a theory. Einstein and Darwin had theories that still can’t be proven as fact, yet they are the basis of many other sciences that have come about that are provable.

I’m a skeptic by nature but have found many things I have been skeptical of get real results.

“Prove it!” is a barrier between what is and what’s possible. It’s a cemented mindset that doesn’t allow for experimentation and exploration.

This is not a suggestion to be gullible, just more flexible. It may stretch your thinking to include and benefit by that which can’t be proven.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper woke me up with a question and an answer this morning. He asked: “What’s on the other side of fear?” And then he answered his own question when he said, “Opportunity.”

How often have we heard that America is the land of opportunity? Did you ever stop and think why that opinion is so accurate? One reason is because people who have successfully seized opportunity had to move through fear to get it.

Look at any business truck you see on the highway. The owner of that business, large or small, at one time took a risk that had them move past fear into the land of opportunity.

Everything we want is on the other side of fear. Read that sentence again and let the message sink in.

Every excuse we own is on this side of fear; opportunity is on the other side.

The grass IS greener on the other side. Opportunity is the verdant field we all claim we want. The question we have to ask is: Are we willing to jump the fence to get there?” Fear is the fence that separates us from opportunity.

Is “look before you leap” an excuse or is it a precaution? It depends. If you are always saying it, it’s probably an excuse – a pat answer to anything that challenges you. It’s a precaution when you have made plans to accept the challenge. It helps you carefully plan a way to get to the other side. But even when all the plans are in place, we have to act in order to get to the other side of fear.

Fear keeps us from the land of opportunity.

You don’t need to take my word for it that this notion contains truth. Just look at your own situation and validate it for yourself.

Once again I’m reminded of what my 4^th Grade teacher said, “You can have what you want or your reasons why not.”

Fear is loaded with reasons why not; opportunity only has options. The only question left to ask yourself is: Am I going to select the option to move through my fear?

Once armed with this knowledge, you can never complain about not having the opportunities you want. They’re available to you and me on the other side.

I’ll leave you with a memorable line from the movie, THE TOWN: “I’ll see you again – this side or the other.”

All the best,

John

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