Who can’t recite their top 5 missed opportunities in life? Given the opportunity to think about them, notice how easily they come to the surface.

Then after we list them, we play the game of going back in time and conjuring up what we could have done differently to seize those opportunities.

We flagellate and aggravate each time we go back and play out the ridiculous to the sublime in our mind. Here’s what we don’t realize when we’re doing that: We’re missing current opportunities.

We think opportunities are as scarce as cabs on a rainy night in New York City. The opposite is true; opportunities are a continuous stream. We don’t see them because we’re too focused on a place where they don’t exist – in the past.

I will grant you this: The same opportunity you missed may never come back around again, but you’ll never see what may be a better opportunity if you don’t climb out of the past.

I’m reminded of one of my favorite missed opportunity quotes from the ancient Persian Poet, Rumi: “Don’t grieve for what doesn’t come. Some things that don’t happen keep disasters from happening.”

What if you woke up everyday with the idea that opportunity is waiting for you to wake up? How would that one simple assumption change your focus from past to present and open your eyes to opportunity?

Make that one subtle shift in attention and it won’t be too long before you see, the ever-present world of opportunity.

All the best,

John

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I really don’t know where this is going, so let’s take this thrill ride together. Buckle up!

I got an email from someone who wrote that he didn’t get what he ordered. I checked the order and noticed that the email address he put on the order form and the address on the email he just sent me were one letter off. A quick fix.

It got me to thinking how often we may be one letter off in life and not getting what we believe we ordered. I remember taking a computer course in college in writing computer language. You could write the simplest, coded instruction, and if it was one letter off, it wouldn’t work. Quite frustrating as I remember.

It occurs to me that the word “Scared” and the word “Sacred” are one letter off. What sacred thing are you seeking that you’re scared that you’re not going to get?

For some, it’s life after death. On my list of 500 things to be scared of, that checks in at about 498. I’m more scared that I’m not living the life I have now. After all, doesn’t one of the sacred proverbs remind us that “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”?

Are you putting off the sacred now for a future that may not exist? That’s scary!

The only living you can be assured of is the living you are doing now. How well are you living? I’m not referring to “high on the hog” living, but the living that comes from enjoying the life you currently have. It’s the only one you know for sure that you’ll get. I hope that doesn’t scare you, unless it scares you into living now.

I’m not sure this went anywhere, but it certainly crystalized for me that the scary future can be neutralized by living in the sacred now.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper gave me a new definition for illusion: “The space between is and isn’t.”

A standard light switch is either on or off. There is no in-between. Binary code used in computers is made up of 1s and 0s. There is no in-between number.

In every moment, something is either happening or it isn’t. We enter the make believe world of illusion when we pretend something is when it isn’t or isn’t when it is.

There is no real estate between is and isn’t. Every time we claim there is, we get a deed to illusion.

A text book example of this phenomenon is a statement like: “This can’t be happening.” Any examination of the facts will illustrate that it either is or isn’t happening. One cannot be present when the other is there.

What’s happening in your life that you claim isn’t happening? That’s illusion and its rhyming cousin, delusion. What’s not happening in your life that you claim is? Again, Illusion & Company.

“Shouldn’t” and “Ought” are telltale signs that you have left the realm of reality known as is or isn’t.

“My students shouldn’t be acting up; they ought to be doing what I say.” They are either acting up or they are not. They are either doing what you request or they are not. There is no middle position.

“Try” is another middle ground word. “I’m trying to lose weight.” It’s either happening or it isn’t. “Try” will transport you from reality to illusion quicker than you can count from 0 to 1.

Is or isn’t are great calibration tools. They, with pinpoint accuracy, will show you where you currently are. Then you can plot a course to where you want to go. If you map out your plan from a place that doesn’t exist, your chance of getting where you want to go is someplace between 1 and 0.

Our illusions result in contusions. To become less black and blue, validate that there’s no in-between position for you.

All the best,

John

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We all know what throwing gasoline on a fire does; it fuels the fire. Thinking about an emotion does the same thing.

When you talk to yourself inside your head (think) about your emotions, you fire them up while you burn yourself down.

The Grasshopper interrupted me with this during an emotional fueling session the other day: “Feel the emotion; don’t fuel it.”

Feeling an emotion is an in-body experience. That means you have to get out of your head to feel it.

As long as you fuel the emotional fire with thought, it will continue to burn out of control.

When you begin to focus on the sensations in your body that the emotion is producing, you extricate yourself from the flames of thought and the mental fire starts to burn out. This practice will not only calm you, it keeps your brain from getting fried.

Answer this question: What makes you feel worse, being physically tired or mentally tired? I’m betting you answered mentally tired. Mental tiredness is a direct result of inflammatory thinking. It takes its toll.

When you’re upset and notice yourself fueling that upset with thoughts to justify it, stop the train of thought by locating the sensation in your body. I guarantee you it’s there. The sensation usually registers somewhere along the midline of your body – from your throat to your bowels and everywhere in between.

When you find the sensation (tense throat, constricted chest, tight stomach, gurgling bowels or whatever sensation that goes on with you), take the time to feel it in your body, not talk about it in your head.

This one direct action on your part will begin to metabolize the emotion and its flames will die out.

When you catch yourself thinking about how bad things are in your head, feel the sensations in your body instead. When you focus on the fire in your belly, you snuff out the causative flames in your mind. It’s not too long afterward that the smoke clears and you can see your way through.

Practice this technique when your dealing with just a small campfire so you can see its effectiveness. Then when your own the practice, you’ll have the training to deal with a 4-alarm fire.

All the best,

John

The following is a practical and theoretical suggestion: Assume it’s there.

How often have you been on the telephone with customer service about a product you bought that’s not functioning? The customer service rep attempts to walk you through some steps and mentions a specific thing to do but you say something like, “I don’t see that lever” or “I don’t see the menu item you’re telling me to click on on my computer screen.” Then after a lot of back and forth, you say something like, “Oh, I see it now.”

Less time would be wasted if you assumed it was there. Instead, we assume it’s not there and have a much harder time getting what we want. The everyday example is: “I lost my keys.” That’s emblematic of assuming they’re not there.

Years ago, I learned a trick from Tony Robbins for finding your keys. His assumption was that you produced a blind spot for whatever you were looking for when you gave voice to them being lost. His suggestion was to say the following phrase over and over again while searching for your keys: “I’m finding my keys, I’m finding my keys.” His suggestion has proven quite helpful over the years and it’s another way of saying, “Assume it’s there.”

Assume has gotten a bad rap over the years from the “you, me and donkey crowd.” Assume serves a valuable purpose when looking for internal resources to solve your problems.

When facing a problematic situation in life, we often go into defeatist mode because we can’t see the answer. We’ve all been there, many times; just like we’ve all set down our keys in a place we didn’t remember.

It’s my assumption and assertion, based on personal experience, that assuming there is a part of you that knows the answer, produces an answer quicker than a non-stop litany of “woe is me.”

Assume it’s there!

By assuming that you’ll find an answer, removes many of the self-imposed roadblocks that stand in the way of you finding a solution. It’s a shortcut to problem solving that saves you from lots of angst. This is more than sitting around and thinking positive. It’s an action that you take that removes layers of resistance in finding an answer.

I encourage you to add “Assume it’s there” to your problem solving kit. It just may be the key you’re looking for.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper gave me a gift yesterday when he said, “Your best ideas come through when you’re not being you.”

Being me is complex – just like you being you is.

Me, along with a lot of good stuff, is filled with faults, shortcomings and patterns that I have no idea that I’m running, and some of them oftentimes run me into the ground. That’s the price we pay for remaining unaware.

The Grasshopper made me aware that my best ideas come when “me” is suspended. It was a reminder that if I want more gifts, I have to get me out of the way more often.

The problem is that me is so ingrained in our existence that it’s hard for us to believe that we’re not the me that we made up and got comfortable with.

“That’s just the way I am” is the most naked, unjustified defense that we use to defend me being me. The you that you’ve grown accustomed to (your patterns) may allow you to function in the world, but these conditioned responses are not where your best stuff comes from.

That statement alone should get you curious enough to get the you that’s not you out of the way long enough to let the flow of the best you have to offer to come through.

Your worst ideas come from you; your best ideas come through you. Read that sentence again.

When you begin to own this idea, you’ll become more aware of what’s not working in your best interest (your patterns), and you’ll look for ways to move them out of the way so the best you comes through.

To put your best foot forward, consider wearing the shoe that’s not you.

All the best,

John

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There’s a very popular song by Irish rock band “U2″ titled, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” The theme of the song is universal which adds to its popularity even today over a quarter century after its release.

The Grasshopper must have been getting’ his “Bono” on over the weekend when he chirped this: “You’re not going to find what you’re looking for when you believe what you’re looking for is unavailable to you.”

Our quests are limited by what we believe we can have. In money and career terms, this limiting situation has been referred to as the fear of success. Our beliefs put a governor on what we can attain.

The Grasshopper’s observation goes well past career and money. It applies to anything that you’re looking for – happiness, fulfillment, relationships, love, respect, etc.

If you believe you can’t have it, your chances of getting it are greatly diminished. You may consciously think you “deserve” it, but other-than-consciously, where all your beliefs live, you are singing a different tune. Perhaps, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”

I’m not recommending that you create an affirmation to say over and over again to find what you’re looking for. That rarely works. What I am suggesting is an inspection of your beliefs. Since they run in the background, we don’t often bring them out into the light of day. I’m suggesting that’s precisely what you do.

If you properly assume that’s there’s a belief in place keeping you from getting what you’re looking for, invite it to come out and play. Just the invitation to surface is often enough for it to show itself. Once you put a face to the belief, it’s easier to recognize it.

Once you fully recognize what’s holding you back, you can interrupt its repetitive pattern when you see it. This one simple action of interruption, done over and over again, will release your belief’s strangle hold on you. The benefit of this exercise is that what you haven’t yet found comes into clearer view.

I could have made all of this up, so don’t take my word for it. Put a plan into action and invite your limiting belief to show itself. It may take a few invitations. And don’t be too surprised when it visits you from out of the blue.

Then it’s time to go to work. Every time this belief shows up singing its lyrics, interrupt the song, and before too long, you’ll be dancing to the beat of a different drum – one that is more suited to you. Then, just maybe, what you are looking for will come find you.

All the best,

John

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You don’t need a military background to have experience with a drill sergeant. All you have to do is pay attention to your mind soon after awakening and you’ll hear yours barking out orders.

It’s not something I ever put into context until early this morning when I awoke. There I was coming through the reverie of the space between asleep and awake and all of a sudden my drill sergeant was banging a trash can in my head.

“You have to call so and so and get that straightened out,” “You’ve got to get to the grocery store,” “Today is trash day,” “You can’t go out until the UPS guy delivers the package you have to sign for,” “Fix that mailbox that the snow plow wiped out” were just a few of the orders I got within the first minute of waking up.

Then I noticed the noise. It would have gone on unchecked, for who knows how long, had I not noticed my drill sergeant preparing me for war as he was disturbing my peace.

Not only were there orders, there were strategies being formulated and specific tactics being explored to carry them out. No time for stretching; just instant marching orders.

What an awful experience it was until I noticed. I noticed that my mind had gone amok and was about to suck me into its muck. Just by noticing, the noise began to abate and my mind got a bit more sedate.

I realized there was no sense in arguing with the drill sergeant; that would only put him in my face even more. But just by noticing he was there with his laundry list of commands, allowed me to go back to the peaceful space that had been disturbed.

Don’t take my word for it. The next time you awaken, see how long it takes for your drill sergeant to kick in and start kicking your butt. Then instead of engaging with him, just notice him and notice what happens. That barracks inside your brain will get less noisy and you can more calmly begin your day, rather than being thrown immediately into the chaotic fray.

After a few mornings of practice to get this technique down, you’ll be amused at your drill sergeant’s antics rather than allowing him to make you frown.

You won’t find this next observation in Sun Tzu‘s “The Art of War” but maybe you can add it: Noticing is a time honored, proven strategy to kick your sergeant out of boot camp.

All the best,

John

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About 5 years ago I wrote about the absurdity of the word “Deserve.” You can read it here.

Whether you choose to read that piece or not, it’s not a necessary foundation to get the helpful practice I’m about to present.

I’m suggesting that you substitute the word “Desire” anytime you catch yourself saying, “Deserve.”

“I deserve (fill in the blank)” immediately translates to “I desire (fill in the blank).”

You don’t deserve anything; you desire a lot.

Deserve is a made up concept that has no basis in reality. Desire is something tangible that you can feel. Deserve is something you will talk about ad nauseum. Desire may produce enough passion to actually do something to get what you think you deserve.

“I deserve more happiness” is a wish. “I desire more happiness” is a first step.

“Deserve” will keep you in the land of thought and out of the realm of reality where desires can actually happen.

Believing in “Deserve’ is like believing in the Tooth Fairy. The only difference is that the Tooth Fairy leaves money. Deserve leaves you waiting in limbo.

Give it a go and substitute “Desire” for “Deserve.” It’ll get you out from behind the eight ball and put you ahead of the curve.

All the best,

John

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From out of the blue, I was struck with the word “Orbits” yesterday. It stuck with me and kept coming back into my mind throughout the course of the day until I wrote it down and let it simmer.

I looked at the note on my night stand before going to bed last night and saw it again this morning when waking up. What’s up with “Orbits”?

It seems it has something to do with sphere of influence.

How does something go from your sphere of influence into another’s orbit or vice versa? My guess is it has to do with proximity and gravitational pull.

Let’s look at marriage as an example. Half of them end in divorce. Something caused the gravitational pull of one partner to weaken. If, at the same time, the other partner comes into close proximity of another orbit, the gravitational pull can cause some tension, pulling the trans-orbiting partner to and fro. Eventually, like on a balanced see-saw, the gravitational pull will take them up or down or, in this case, out or in.

I think many people misinterpret this sphere of influence and think of it as control. The underlying philosophy seems to be that I have to control my children, my spouse, my family members, my co-workers, my boss, my clients, my friends, my life, etc. Influence is not control.

Control is viewed as what I have to do TO them to keep them in orbit; Influence is what do I have to do FOR them to retain my sphere of influence?

Back to marriage for a moment . . . Has yours gotten to the “set and forget” phase? If so, your orbit is weakening and so is your influence. Who you may be taking for granted may be granting someone else’s wishes before long.

You may feel you have lost control. How can you lose something that you never had in the first place? Control is an illusion. If you don’t believe that, try and control the next thought from popping into your mind. You haven’t lost control; you’ve lost influence.

The way to recapture that gravitational pull, if it’s not already out of your orbit, is to give your attention to whatever or whomever is floating away. When we stop paying attention, our sphere of influence weakens and we’re subject to having whom or what we claim to care about drift off into space.

Your attention is the currency of communication. If you’re not spending it on the people or things in your orbit, you may soon find them moonwalking away from you.

All the best,

John

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