I heard a commentator offer a profound observation the other night and his message is universally applicable: “The only reason to make a bad argument is because you don’t have a good one.”

It got me to thinking what we argue for most: our limitations! That’s a bad argument – one that doesn’t have a forward strategy, only a defense for staying stuck.

What are we defending that’s indefensible? It’s easy to find out. Just examine any argument you make without evidence and you’ll find your limitation.

The biggest defensive and most limiting argument I’ve ever heard is this: “That’s just the way I am.” Talk about stuck. That’s truly the worst argument you can make.

A more accurate recognition is, “That’s the way I’ve been conditioned.” That observation opens the door to reconditioning vs. the mired in the muck argument that keeps you stuck.

Bad arguments not only make you look foolish but also keep you fooling yourself.

It’s worthwhile to reflect on an argument you are making that isn’t working. Continuing to make that argument only increases your limitations.

A “mirror moment” worth our reflection is this: Ask yourself, “What am I never-ending defending that continually leads to unhappy endings?”

Your answer to that question will produce a much better thing to argue for.

All the best,

John

I wrote about one of my favorite songs recently: WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR.

I first heard it as a child when watching the movie “Pinocchio.”

Two lines from the song impressed me deeply:

1. “If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme.”

2. “When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you.”

It wasn’t until much later in life that I discovered the magic behind these lyrics.

As a child, I thought they were about “wishing.” And like any child, I had my fair share of wishes that didn’t come true. (I’m specifically remembering one about a pony).

That led to a lot of disappointment, to the point that I gave up on wishing altogether.

It dawned on me that wishing is just talking to yourself – something that has never resulted in making a dream come true.

In order to achieve your heart’s desire, you have to get past the talking stage. That means you have to take your dream to heart, which is a fancy way of saying that you already have the internal resources (heart) to get what you want. You just have to get your mental critic out of the way for your heart to have its say.

All creativity comes from this quiet place of the heart. The more often you get there, the less often you’ll be a puppet to your thinking.

We’ve been conditioned to think that only certain, fortunate people get to achieve their dreams. The song preaches from a different hymn book: “Makes no difference who you are.”

If I could change one phrase in the lyrics, I would change the words “come to you” to “come through you.”

Your dream isn’t out there somewhere; its raw materials are already in you, ready to be assembled in the quiet recesses of your heart.

If you continue wishing, your nose will continue to grow. You already have your heart’s desire. You just have to get quiet more often to make it so.

All the best,

John

Want to start an argument? Use comparatives or superlatives!

“Better” or “Best” are good places to start. “My idea is better.” “Inky Octopus has the best calamari in the city.”

Notice that comparatives and superlatives bring up instant counter-arguments.

Who’s the greatest quarterback of all time? “Of course, it’s Tom Brady.” Notice that if you live outside of New England, you may have a different player you want to make an argument for.

To avoid counterproductive arguments, use verifiable language. “Tom Brady has won 6 Super Bowls. No other quarterback in the history of the NFL has done that.”

Use softeners when using comparatives. “There may be a better way to go.”

It’s always productive and less argumentative to put the accent on the information rather than the opinion. This is especially apt when using the words “right” and “wrong.” If you have the right way, notice the only option you have given anyone with a different opinion is to be wrong. No one wants to be wrong.

Putting the accent on the information sounds like this: “According to the Office of Management and Budget, that information is not accurate.” Notice you didn’t say the person was wrong; you just stated the information was inaccurate. It’s much softer on the psyche and leads to a discussion rather than an argument.

I’ll admit there are people, when faced with irrefutable facts, will continue to argue. That’s why they invented the word “moron.” Move on from that person or you will witness never-ending moving of goalposts.

Some people like to argue. If that’s you, continue using comparatives and superlatives and right and wrong and you’ll find someone to spar with all day long.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper popped in the other day with this phrase: “Never ending beginnings.”

I got curious about what he meant. The following is what I came away with. We begin each day with a clean slate – with an opportunity to start over – to go back to that famous piece of real estate: Square One.

We can be like the movie “Groundhog Day” and have each day repeat itself, or we can start anew.

Starting over is often looked upon as failure when, in fact, it’s the solid foundation for stepping-stones to something new.

When we fail at something, the conditioned tendency is to get caught up in the “what I should have done” drama, rather than focusing on what to do NOW!

Even if you’re not a football fan, you can appreciate this scenario: There are 20 seconds left in the game – 20 seconds left to win or lose it. The quarterback calls for a pass play in the huddle and tells the player who catches the pass to get out of bounds to stop the clock, giving the team ample field position and time to attempt a winning field goal. The player catches the pass but chooses to run forward instead of stepping out of bounds. He gets tackled and the clock continues to run. The quarterback in his frustration runs over to the player with the remaining 10 seconds and chews him out for not stepping out of bounds. The clock runs out and they lose.

What would have happened if the quarterback reset and ran another play? He would have another chance of winning instead of “whining out the clock.”

We get an opportunity to begin again every moment of every day. It reduces our chances for failure and gives us the wisdom to call another play.

All the best,

John