Here’s a question the Grasshopper asked over the weekend: “Are you a go-getter or a come-find-me?”

I’ve been both. One’s harder than the other and one is more comfortable than the other.

I’m sure you know which is which.

People are paying a premium for higher education these days. The mindset of many graduates goes along these lines: I’ve studied hard for 4 years and have a higher than average GPA. I should be in high demand.” The raw reality is, at that point, no matter what your degree is in, you are a salesman. You have to sell someone on you.

That’s true in job prospecting, dating, politics and too many other things to mention. Reminds me of a story . . .

I was pitching a communication program to a law firm back in the 80s. The owner of the firm had 26 attorneys working for him. Before I laid out a program for him I asked, “What would you like your people to learn?”

His answer was immediate and LOUD. “I want them to know they’re salesmen. All of them think they’re Perry Mason and that business is going to come walking through the door.” I then switched gears and sold him a sales seminar.

We are all salesmen. We are always pitching something to someone. It can be as simple as persuading someone to go to the restaurant you want to go to.

If you play the come-find-me game, you’ll find that you’re actually playing hide-and-go-seek with a really good hiding spot.

The odds of someone finding you are south of slim.

This is more than a pep talk; it’s a reminder of reality. You may have the best mouse trap ever built but if you don’t put some cheese out there, the only thing you’ll snare is more people telling you to go to the job fair.

I wish it was the way it isn’t, but that hope just keeps us on the couch and our pocketbook saying, “ouch!”

All the best,

John

I was never a whiz at math but this Grasshopper thought recently came out of the blue: “Relationships are either a 1 or a 2, meaning either you do more for me or I do more for you.”

There are no zeros in relationships. Relationships are like see-saws. If there ever is balance (Zero), it doesn’t last very long. Zero is a territory we pass through on the way to me or you.

There is no 50-50 in relationships.

I find this not to be a judgement, only a verifiable fact. Just look at any relationship you’re in. Either you’re doing more or less than the other person at any one moment in time.

“Balanced” relationships are like the scales of justice: they tip one way or the other depending on the circumstances. Then they reset to zero until they tip in the other direction. This, to my mind, is the most productive type of relationship to be in.

Sticking with the see-saw metaphor, an “unbalanced” relationship has one of you expending more energy to stay on the ground so the other can stay “up there where the air is rare.” That means you continue to do more than your share and it doesn’t seem “fair.”

I’m reminded of a Grasshopper musing from a decade ago: “Fair is a fairy tale.”

“Fair and balanced” may make a great slug line for a news network, but it doesn’t exist in a relationship.

My friend Doug O’Brien reminds us that rocket ships on their way to the moon are off course 90% of the time. The good news is they auto correct when they go too far in one direction, so they can successfully reach their destination.

Working relationships are a dynamic process. They’re not static; they just shift back an forth from one direction to the other.

You already know if you’re in an unbalanced relationship, no one has to do the math for you. The only question left is, “what to do?”

I don’t pretend to have the answer, only the question: Are you a 1 or a 2?

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper woke me up with this overnight: “Don’t fight to be right; fight for what you want.”

Only one way rewards you.

Fighting to be right is like an ongoing debate. Fighting for what you want has an outcome either way – yes or no.

The real question is: Is the “right” way working?

You may eventually win the debate but there will be no reward other than bragging rights.

I guess the message here is: Ask for what you want.

The long preamble of being right before asking for what you want, almost always, dilutes what you will get.

Skip the argument about being right and you’ll less often be wronged.

All the best,

John

This is one of my favorite blog posts from 6 years ago. I ran across it today and wanted to give it another play.

The end of soon will not happen soon enough for me.

This is a mini-rant.

I detest the word “Soon.” It is the fluffiest word in the dictionary and I’m just as guilty of using it as anyone else.

When is soon? It could be a few seconds to a lifetime depending on who’s using it.

I would rather endure a monsoon than soon.

I got a sales call disguised as a service call last week. The person reportedly wanted to thank me for my business of a recent purchase and then went on to pitch me on another of their products. I inquired when the product I had ordered would be arriving. She replied, “Soon.”

I responded with a question: “When specifically is soon?” She then said, “Oh, that’s not my department; I don’t really know.” I said, “You know enough to lie to me to say, ‘Soon’” and then I politely ended the call.

“Soon” is often a parent word. We use it as shorthand for “Shut up.”

When someone offers you “Soon,” they are giving you a handful of air. If you accept “Soon,” you will be disappointed because your timeframe of soon will not match theirs.

It’s always useful to get clarification of “Soon.” My personal favorite is, “How soon will that happen?” If they come back with “Oh, soon,” you know you are dealing with a person who doesn’t know.

Just for fun, notice how many times you hear the word “Soon” today and know that the person using it has nothing to say.

Rant over!

All the best,

John

It’s close to being the national pastime: Staying Stuck. The Grasshopper chimed in on this observation saying, “Arguing for your conditioning is arguing for your limitations; neither will move you forward.”

Our conditioning cannot be denied nor can it be dismissed as a causative factor on how we act. We act in accordance with our conditioning . . . until we notice.

There is an appetite for defending our conditioning. Look no further than religion. Most people have the same religion as their parents. The question that’s rarely asked is: “Did they ask your permission?” In most cases, you got your religious beliefs through conditioning by your early caregivers. Then you may argue vociferously that you have the one true religion.

Your conditioning will have you assert what has become my least favorite phrase: “That’s the way I am.” When you hear that phrase, you are in the presence of someone who’s stuck. They may claim they want to evolve but can’t because they are so invested in defending their limitations.

When someone calls you on your shit, the conditioned response is twofold:

1. Get angry

2. Get defensive

Getting angry is understandable. No one likes to hear about their shortcomings, even if it’s warranted to point them out. Getting defensive is the more destructive of the two. It’s the glue that keeps us stuck.

Here comes one of my favorite words again: “Noticing.”

When we notice our conditioning, we then have a choice. We may choose to remain the same or we may choose to move forward. If you don’t notice, you have no choice; you’re a prisoner of your conditioning.

It may seem obvious but the best way to avoid moving forward is to stay stuck.

Here’s a challenge that takes some courage: Notice your conditioned beliefs and offer yourself a choice – to stay put or move forward.

All the best,

John