I used to work for a couple of 60s based radio stations. The format, at the time, was referred to as “Oldies” – mostly songs from the 60s with a smattering of late 50s and early 70s songs thrown in for good measure.

The reason people tuned into us was for the music. We had all the other elements that radio had to offer as well – personalities, news, weather, traffic etc., but the main draw was the music.

The success of the Oldies format was that the music instantly transported most of the listeners back to a time in their life that was more carefree. I referred to it as their “dancin’, prancin’ and romancin’ years.”

The music delivered a warm fuzzy to these folks. I believe it also set up a dichotomy in their mind. It not only reminded them of a special time, but it also tacitly reminded them that that time was over. The suggestion was that their dancing, prancing and romancing belonged to another time.

We do ourselves a disservice when we limit our ability to dance, prance and romance to the days of yore. That ability remains with us for a lifetime but we put it in a mental box called “Over” and miss amazing opportunities of expression every day.

The only reason these practices get rusty is because we don’t practice them.

When the last time you danced – not formally, but just let yourself do a little move or two?

Can you remember the last time you “strutted your stuff”?

When’s the last time you dusted off the romancing part of you and brought it out for a spin?

Again, these qualities are not tied to another time; they’re available now and always.

Dancing, prancing and romancing fall into the category of celebration. You don’t have to wait to be invited to celebrate – you can do it every day without having to have a reason.

There are countless ways to express celebration; you only need to bring them out and dust them off.

Any embarrassment you may initially feel is outweighed by the sheer enjoyment celebration brings.

Make it a new habit to do some old things, and by doing so, you may age but you’ll never get old.

Let me leave you with the words of an “Oldie” that never go out of style:

Celebrate, Celebrate, Dance to the Music!

All the best,

John

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The word “Amok” popped into my mind and I looked it up in the dictionary to confirm my suspicions about its definition. It’s loosely defined as “out of control.”

But when it popped in, it was an acronym – A.M.O.K. That got me curious. What did these four letters have to teach me about control?

A: We ALWAYS seek control. It’s the elusive Holy Grail filled with the elixir that will take our fear away. It’s a lifelong pilgrimage fraught with frustration.

M: Control is a MYTH. Control will never be found because it is a concept we made up to deal with fearful sensations. The storyline goes something like this: If we get control, we will be free of our fear. We created something that doesn’t exist to deal with something that does. It’s a fantasy that can go on for a lifetime, if we let it.

O: Control makes us OVERBEARING. If you are bossing people around for no other reason than you can, you have fallen prey to an action that brings out the ugliest side of control. The underlying logic at play is this: If we can control others, we can force ourselves to control our fear.

K: Fear is KINESTHETIC. It’s meant to be felt, not controlled. How often do we deny our fearful sensations instead of feeling them? This practice is control on steroids. Fear is a sensation that’s alerting us to pay attention, not to duck our head in the sand.

We don’t have any control over fear. The best we can do is recognize it and feel it. Once it gets recognition and feeling, fear metabolizes itself into something more useful and less controlling.

There aren’t too many classes out there teaching us to feel our fear, but there are countless classes on control – a myth that never works because it doesn’t exist.

If fear is running amok inside your mind, you’ve bought into the universal myth of control. The way for fear to stop controlling you is to recognize and feel it. Give it a place at the table and feel it out. The more familiar you become with your fear, the less control you’ll seek.

So here’s another definition to consider for A.M.O.K. – A Mind Obscuring Kinesthesia.

You’ll never think your way out of fear; it’s out of your control. But the funny thing is that feeling fear will make the myth of control fade away along with the fear itself.

All the best,

John

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I have come to hate the phrase “Hump Day.” I would use a milder word than “hate,” but it wouldn’t come close to how I feel about it.

For those cave dwellers, hump day is Wednesday – the hump in the work week you have to get over so that it’s downhill to the weekend.

There was a time in my life when I lived for weekends and vacations. Let’s do a little math. There are 365 days in the year. There are 52 weekends in a year which contain 104 days. Let’s say that you also get two week’s vacation and 7 holidays. That an additional 17 days off. 104 + 17 = 121 days off.

365 – 121 = 244. That means there are 244 days of waiting for the weekend. It’s an awful way to live.

Living for the weekend postpones any joy you can experience in the day or, more specifically, the moment you are in.

This isn’t a “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” rant; it’s more of a mental mirror to check out your postponement of life.

A successful life is made up of successful moments. It’s that simple. If you are in suspended animation for 244 days a year, that’s two thirds of your life that’s on hold.

Look at the happiest people you know. They aren’t living for the weekend. That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy or look forward to free time; it just means they are free of the practice of postponing life. They find something in each day that keeps them delightfully immersed in living.

I don’t have a step-by-step plan for you to get out from under a situation you are currently in that’s causing you pain – relationship, job, etc., but I do know the first step.

Your first step is to participate in every day you are part of. If you deny a moment’s existence, it will inflict more pain upon you for not paying attention. The pain of inattention is far more severe than the pain of your situation. It draws out your pain and makes it last much longer than need be.

Here’s a piece of input that most people do not want to hear: If you are in a situation that’s painful, it’s your job to get yourself out. Stop looking for a lifeline from someone else. Only you can make it happen. The rub is that you’ll find it harder to extricate yourself when you’re engaged in the practice called “Waiting for the weekend.”

We make our own misery when we wait for the weekend.

A useful practice to develop is to find something in each day to celebrate. It begins to focus you on life rather than the slow death your current strategy is inflicting. Celebrate something each day. When you get comfortable with that practice, add some more things to celebrate.

Celebrating is gratitude in another suit of clothes. The more you are grateful for, the happier you become. The best news is: You don’t have to wait for the weekend to celebrate.

All the best,

John

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Many businesses benefit from having a silent partner – someone who doesn’t seek the spotlight but who makes the light possible.

We all have a silent partner whether we’re in business or not. It’s the part of us that silently works in the background to unleash our creativity.

This lifelong partner only requires one working condition – Quiet.

We all have stories to tell about the time something worthwhile came to us from out of the blue, something we didn’t think ourselves to.

That’s the work of the silent partner. The reason we don’t get more revelations from our silent partner is because we are too busy ignoring their needs – A quiet workplace.

Our mind is crammed with noisy thoughts that make peace of mind have to wait for its “once in a blue moon” chance to offer us revelation, inspiration and the ability to experience creation.

The key to making those visits happen more often is finding your silent partner.

Finding a silent partner requires some instruction on how to create the quiet that’s a necessary condition for them to work.

HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: I have found that instruction manual, and the best news is that it’s FREE!

It’s called the MIND RELIEF MANUSCRIPT and it was created by my friend, Jerry Stocking who is one of the greatest living teachers on earth.

You can download the MIND RELIEF MANUSCRIPT by clicking on this link:

http://www.selfexploratorytools.com/MRM.pdf

Answering this simple, blunt question will predict your future with laser like accuracy: HAS THE WAY YOU’VE BEEN USING YOUR MIND HELPED YOU OR HURT YOU?

Only you know how you are currently using your mind; the only question now is: Would you like to use it to your best advantage?

You can start doing that right now by downloading Jerry Stocking’s MIND RELIEF MANUSCRIPT
absolutely free at

http://www.selfexploratorytools.com/MRM.pdf

I rarely recommend third party materials to you and this is one of those times. The MIND RELIEF MANUSCRIPT is worth your time and I request that you download it for FREE right now at

http://www.selfexploratorytools.com/MRM.pdf

All the best,

John

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I have a confession to make. I hate hinting.

People who make me guess make me crazy.

Hinting is such a time waster, and for some people it’s a lifestyle.

I will admit that there is some allure to hinting. It’s a way of pleasantly teasing you towards something worthwhile. But when it’s used as a dodge against digging in, it digs a hole rather than moving us forward.

Reminds me of a story . . . I was 6 years old and remember the pain of hinting. It was my first experience with it and I was the perpetrator. My friend had gotten a 3 speed bike (state of the art at the time) for his birthday and we were down at the schoolyard where he was riding it around. I really wanted to take it for a spin but never asked; I hinted. Perhaps I was acting on my politeness conditioning or being challenged by my fear of hearing “no.” Either way, I didn’t get what I wanted.

“That sure is a cool bike,” “It must feel really neat to be riding a 3 speed” and “My parents will never buy me one of those” were some of the hints I threw out. They never got their intended result. The good news is I finally got a 3 speed a couple of years later, but didn’t get to take a ride that day.

Had I not hinted, the answer still could have been “No,” but the rub was I never knew for sure.

There is a surety about asking and instability about hinting. It takes reconditioning to outgrow hinting.

The field of sales is filled with hinting and it keeps many sales from being made. My old friend, Terry Butler, a sales trainer had a wonderful hint busting question: “What’s your real question?”

“What’s your real question?” stops hinting in its tracks and solicits actionable information from a hinter. It moves the process of transaction from hinting to what’s really being requested.

My friend, Jerry Stocking requests that you make requests of everybody. He says that requests will instantly show you your relationship with the persons you are making requests of. Requesting is really relationship building.

Many people don’t ask because they are afraid of finding out what their relationship is with another. They would rather pretend than ask. They remain on the periphery of relating to another by their practice of hinting.

Again, it takes some practice to outgrow hinting. The results are more honest and open relationships with the side benefit of getting what you want more often than if you hint.

Start small and work your way up. For starters, you could request more ketchup packets at McDonalds even though you don’t want them. For extra credit, drive up to the takeout window, without making an order, and make the same request. See what happens when you start making requests. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by your new sales figures. But more importantly, you will strengthen your ability to relate to others.

Hinting has its place but not at the adult table. I request that you stop hinting and start building relationships. Who knows, you may be able to take something new out for a spin.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper had on his clever hat this morning when he delivered this: “Consuming quiet is food for less thought.”

It reminded me of an old joke about a cheerleading squad made up exclusively of librarians. They only had one cheer – Shhh!

Our mind needs a librarian.

How often have you said, “I want to think it over”? That is the worst possible strategy for getting to a solution. Thinking has you think the same thoughts over and over again and they take you to the same dead ends.

A better response and a better strategy would be, “I want to quiet it over.”

Reflection and thinking are two different processes. Reflection is quiet and thinking is noisy.

Reflection is a method for taking your problem situation into a place where there are no problems – the realm of quiet. Thinking is like taking your problem to the factory that employs around-the-clock shifts. Result: Noise 24/7.

The magic of solution is that it comes from a place where there is no thinking done about it. All learning or discovery comes from the space between our thoughts. That space is quiet.

Want more solutions? Then it’s time to become a consumer of quiet. Buy as much as you can afford and you’ll come up with solutions that will allow you to afford more.

I’ve mentioned it before and it bears repeating: Getting in touch with your body will quiet your mind. Just doing an inventory of your body parts and noticing how they feel will quiet your mind. Just take a few moments, close your eyes and notice what’s going on in a certain body part – your hands, you feet, your toes, etc. Just this simple exercise will shush your mind. Go from head to toe or toe to head and notice that less is being said.

There are more formal ways of mind quieting and they are all valuable. Doing an inventory of your body doesn’t require purchasing a Yoga mat or a visit to India. It can be done anytime, anywhere and it’s always effective.

Consume some more quiet and you’ll find solutions that have been buried in the noise.

All the best,

John

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I was watching the final round of the British Open (The Open Championship) Golf Tournament on Sunday. The unexpected winner was Darren Clarke of Northern Ireland.

He was one of the older players in the field and was no one’s pick at the beginning of the tournament to win. But he won.

One of the announcers told the story of a close friend of Darren’s who gave him this piece of advice: “Don’t let your golf determine your attitude; let your attitude determine your golf.”

What an incredible piece of wisdom that is. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes written in the late 1800s by philosopher, James Allen:
“Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him.”

How easy it is to allow circumstances to dictate how we approach life. Many years ago I was interviewing Tony Robbins on my radio show and he said this: “What would you try if you knew you couldn’t fail?” That one little piece of wisdom got me to try many things I may have never attempted due to my previous attitude.

I’ve mentioned it before that “attitude” is an aeronautical term which literally means “angle of approach.”

What angle are you approaching life from? Is it from the circumstance angle or the possibility angle, or somewhere in between? It would be valuable to find out.

Once you become aware of your angle of approach, you have the ability to adjust it and set the stage for smoother landings.

One little shift in thinking can make a BIG difference. Allowing your circumstances to determine your life will get you more of what you already have. If you want to shift that around, shift your mental angle of approach to this: “I will allow my attitude to shape my circumstances.”

Happy landings!

All the best,

John

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I woke up a few mornings ago with a term in my mind that I had never heard before – “Inbedream.”

I had no idea what it meant, if anything. So I just got curious about it and this is what popped:

Inbedream: A state of awareness between dreaming and being fully awake.

We’ve all experienced this frame of mind. It’s a quiet time between busy periods.

My experience suggests that this is where all the magic happens – in between the busy-ness of a thought filled day and the disjointed, patchwork quilt known as dreaming.

“Inbedream” is the semi-awake time just before drifting off to sleep and the time just before being fully awake.

Others have named this state of mind with other labels, but the important thing is not the naming of these periods but the utilization of them.

I saw a piece on the news a week or so ago that suggested one way of utilizing this state of mind before retiring for sleep: Write down three things you are grateful for before nodding off. Use a notebook, a pad of paper or note card and place it by your bedside.

When you begin to awaken, bring those three things to mind again and let them bathe in that magical soup.

I won’t tell you the results because that would only be my experience. To gain your own experience, you have to do the exercise. It’s easy enough. I suggest you give it a go and see what happens.

You can write anything on the sheet that you want to imbue your mind with, but gratitude is a nice start.

All the magic happens in the spaces between our thoughts and this bedtime routine is a way to introduce yourself to a magic trick that produces real magic.

“Inbedream” may never make it into the dictionary, but if you utilize the concept, you will begin to experience magical feelings that words can’t describe.

All the best,

John

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There’s an old tongue twister that popped in as I was contemplating this blog post – “A noisy noise annoys an oyster most.”

It’s a noisy world and it’s getting noisier. Our media reflects this increasing noise that we human beings are generating. We have nonstop news 24/7, and the organizations delivering it have to shout louder to get above the competing din in order to get our attention. No wonder oysters bury themselves in the sand.

Our minds are more active because we have more stimuli bombarding us and vying for our attention. Our additional mental activity causes tensions like frazzled nerves, road rage, sleeplessness and attention deficits.

It doesn’t look like the noise is going to quiet down anytime soon.

There seems to be two courses of action to change things.

1. Change the world’s noise.
2. Change the noise in your corner of the world – your mind.

Choice one will be an uphill battle with little chance of success, but changing your little corner pays quiet dividends to you.

It always seems as though our problem is out there in the big, bad world. That’s only a situation. Our problem is in our noisy little corner of the world.

We have the ability to generate internal quiet, but it takes recognition and repetition.

We have to recognize that our thoughts are running rampant in our mind and the best way to stop them in their tracks is to interrupt them repeatedly.

Interruption is not beating yourself up for having them, or stopping to debate with them. Just notice that your thoughts have a mind of their own and will pop in without invitation often. “Observing” may be a better term. When you observe something, you don’t participate. It’s like watching a movie.

Observing is the interruption that’s necessary. Watch your mind work. It can be very entertaining. We normally don’t observe; we participate. Participating in a back and forth conversation in your mind makes as much sense as debating with a mannequin. Your wisdom falls on deaf ears.

Observation is the noise dial. Each time you observe your thoughts, you get to turn the volume down on them another notch. Practice makes problems disappear by making room for solutions to pop in.

You can make the world less noisy by taking care of your little corner of it. Observation is a start and repetition takes you to the finish line.

As always, you have choices. You can remain an annoyed oyster OR you can take action on this pearl of wisdom: A quiet mind is an observed mind.

All the best,

John

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Suppose all that you’ve been hoping, dreaming, praying for doesn’t come true? Then what?

Most of us never get to that question because we’re too busy repeating the hoping, dreaming and praying that didn’t work before.

We hope, dream and pray our life away by never asking, “Then what?”

It seems we never consider the option that what we want is not available to us. It’s a painful point to reach. You feel alone, scared and your faith is shaken. No wonder we don’t ask, “Then what?”

“Then what?” is more than a possibilities question; it’s a lighted pathway away from the pain of unanswered hopes, dreams and prayers.

Most of us have a gnawing notion that what we want isn’t going to happen but we keep shutting it out.

How do you open the door to the idea that your hope, dream or prayer isn’t going to happen?

You first have to pretend that it won’t. That means you have to mentally daydream that what you want isn’t going to happen. By doing so, you put “not happening” into the realm of possibility. This isn’t negative thinking or doubt; it’s certainty. Make it a convincing daydream that what you want will never happen in this lifetime.

This fantasy, when repeated often enough, turns into a personal reality. You will feel the certainty of what you want never being a reality, and you will also feel the sharp pain of loss. There’s no getting around it. It’s “No Pain, No Gain” on steroids.

Where’s the good news?

The persistent ache of unanswered hopes, dreams and prayers goes away and you can explore your next options pain free.

The only parallel I can give you is that of wading into cold water a step at a time vs. taking the plunge. The former is constant pain for however long it takes to get completely wet; the latter is complete bone chilling cold that dissipates much quicker.

“Then What?” isn’t for the faint of heart; it’s only for the person who’s brave enough to let go of constant pain.

You won’t entertain possibilities until you end the pain of a non-existent probability.

I’m not sure I yet have the courage to get to what’s possible, but I’m certain I have the vehicle to get there. It’s called, “Then what?”

All the best,

John

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