We’re caught in a trap of our own making when we believe we had nothing to do with how we got to our current station in life. It’s a blind spot.

It’s so easy to blame circumstance or someone else. I remember reading this James Allen quote from his 1903 book “As A Man Thinketh“: “Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him.”

To quote The Grasshopper, “When someone is hiding a jackass, they send out a scapegoat.”

The mantra of the blind spot belief system is this: “It’s not my fault.”

Where you are now is the result of a recipe. If you retrace your steps, you will find the exact way you baked your cake. Whether it’s moist and delicious or has a burnt crust, it was your actions or inactions that produced your current circumstances.

We enjoy taking credit for the “good” things we’ve produced, but for the “bad” things, not so much.

We have conditioned ourselves to blame. It’s a coping mechanism we have learned to use when we don’t want to take responsibility for our actions. We’ve deflected so often that “this is not on me” becomes a fervent belief.

The quickest way to remove the blinders is to pretend that it is your fault. Sidebar: In most cases, you won’t be pretending. Just try on the mantle of responsibility more often than you do and you’ll recondition yourself to know “it’s on you.”

We all get ourselves into jams. The way out begins with acknowledging we had a hand in it. That admission keeps us from forever stalling with denials, and moves us more quickly to possible solutions.

You can continue to play the childhood game “Blind Man’s Bluff” and stay stuck, or recognize that it’s the mark of an adult to play the hand you dealt yourself.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper came up with a new description of fear: “Reacting to ‘what ifs’ instead of what is.”

There’s certainly enough fear going around these days but much of it is generated by reacting to what isn’t happening vs. what actually is.

Fear is almost always future based. “What will happen if . . . ?” is the operative mindset.

We project ourselves into the future but feel the fear now. That means even if what we fear does happen, we feel it way more than once.

We all fear but we can mitigate the frequency by focusing on what’s happening with us right now.

When we pay attention to what’s right in front of us, it keeps us from skipping over the present to fear the future.

Get in the habit of staying present. Even when doing routine things like washing you hands, pay attention to the experience: the feel of the soap in your hands, the warmth of the water, the feel of the drying towel, the sound of the water going down the drain.

When you give more attention to the present, you leave your future in the future and leave fear nothing to feed on.

Fear is a signal to pay attention and take some action. The action most needed is staying present.

There’s enough scary stuff to keep us fearful for a lifetime. But if you want to turn down the internal noise, pay more attention and you’ll regain your poise.

All the best,

John

I had an eye-opening revelation while out walking yesterday.

Since my health club has closed up, I can no longer swim, so I walk. I walked my regular route that I established years ago, but not in the same direction as usual. I almost walk it backwards now. There’s a freshness to it.

The revelation was about doing things the same way I did them in the past. I noticed lots of resistance when attempting to walk my route the regular way. It had a “past” feel to it and part of me did not want to relive that past.

I then thought about about a mythical band that broke up and went their separate ways. But, for whatever reason, they decided to get back together. There were reasons that they broke up back then and those reasons still exist at some level today. If they go back to doing things the way they did then, chances are they will break up again.

If you are reentering an old part of your life, may I suggest that you approach it from a different angle.

The newness in the old situation will fade quickly. One way to make it last is to reevaluate your role and give yourself a wider berth. In other words, be more open than you were in the past. The word “flexibility” comes to mind.

You don’t have to be different, just more pliable like a new branch of a tree in spring. If you bring back the old, hardened branch, it won’t be too long before you’ll be packing your trunk, again.

There is a comforting factor about old shoes, but if you walk the same route in them, chances are you’ll be singing the blues, again.

All the best,

John