I think we can all agree that we’re “good” at something. What we may not agree on is that all of us are “experts” at that something.

Yet, tons of us are experts in something that doesn’t serve us well. Perhaps that’s you. I know, in the past, it was me.

What is this thing that many of us have expertise in that causes us more harm than good? We’re experts in what we “don’t want.”

Sorry for the double negative here, but have you ever noticed that hardly anyone doesn’t know what they don’t want? It’s one thing to have that realization; it’s another to recognize that awareness is not getting you closer to what you “do” want.

The goal seeking part of our mind doesn’t work so well with “don’t want” goals. It does, however, shift into high gear when we give it a desired “DO want” target to shoot for.

Just a slight shift in perspective keeps your focus from getting scattered and your aim from getting watered down. Set your focus on what you DO want and leave your “don’t want” behind, and you’ll stop being an expert on what has become a daily grind.

All the best,

John

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It’s not a universal law but I believe it’s more than a local ordinance to claim that those with whom we disagree are often categorized, by us, as “Not like me.”

You might disagree with someone’s lifestyle, viewpoint, politics, religion, social views, etc. but if you examine your opposition more closely, I think you’ll discover that your real view is they’re “not like you.”

Truth be told, no one is like you, not even if you have an identical twin. We’ve all developed different personalities with beliefs and habits that are uniquely ours. So expecting someone else to be just like you is more than a tall order; it’s impossible.

This realization may get you to conclude that what we all have in common are our differences.

It’s in all of our interests to respect those differences without castigating someone out of hand. Who knows, we might even make some new, exciting music by joining their band.

I believe we can all be a little more accepting. It certainly couldn’t hurt, because thinking they’re “not like me” is just a little too curt.

All the best,

John

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Here is the recorded version of the Grasshopper Note for the week of 6-29-20.

Read the written version here.

The Grasshopper had this to say today: “People will only remember the event, not the reasons.”

We humans have become reasoning machines. Translate “reasoning” into “excuse making” and you’ll grasp the underlying meaning of the Grasshopper’s message.

If you have disappointed someone by not doing what you said you would do, they’re not going to remember the well crafted reasons you offered as explanation. They’ll only remember that you didn’t come through. If you repeat this behavior often enough, you’ll earn the label of being “All talk and no action,” or as they say in Texas, “All hat and no cattle.”

The boiled down message is this: Stop making excuses! Hardly anyone believes them and they act as an impediment to taking action.

My friend Terry used to teach a sales training method, the opening line of which was this question to the prospective customer: “How could you be happier?” Once the client answered with their criteria of how they could be happier, he would ask, “How come that’s not happening now?”

That’s when all the excuses would come pouring out. They amounted to, “the reason I’m not happy is because of blah, blah, blah.”

Whenever I address this topic, I always think of my fourth grade teacher Miss Wagner who drilled into us, “you can have what you want or your reasons why not.”

It takes more time to come up with an excuse than it does to take some action towards your your goal. We get in the habit of diverting ourselves into to crafting some flowery prose instead of getting the grindstone closer to our nose.

As the Grasshopper reminded us many seasons ago, “Find your excuse and you’ll find your problem.”

If you truly want to find your way forward, give up the things that are holding you back: Your explanations.

Final thought: When you stop talking, you’ll have more time to take action, and excuses will no longer be your “go to” reaction.

All The best,

John

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The Grasshopper was very long-winded during my walk the other day when he said, “When you give a pat answer, you only have access to your knowledge. When you give a reflective answer, you have access to your wisdom.”

What you know pales in comparison to what you have access to. We just have to get out of our head long enough to let our storehouse of creativity and wisdom bubble up.

Sometimes a pat answer is the most appropriate one, especially if it’s a fact based question. “Have you ever driven a lawn tractor?” The patterned answer to that question is going to be “yes” or “no.” You don’t need access to your wisdom to answer that.

Your communication with another will deepen when you go deeper for an answer to their question. You do that by pausing before answering and let you pat answers silently go by before you reply.

Just a slight pause is often all that’s needed to get past a worn out answer, to one that’s more relevant and revealing.

You will surprise yourself when you take a beat before you respond. Answers that you’ve never issued before make their way in to your communications – answers that provide insight, rather than being un-usefully trite.

You show a lot more respect to the person you’re communicating with when you give them access to all of you, rather than regaling them an airbrushed answer that has the nutritional value of cotton candy.

Your communications will greatly improve if you remember to take a mini-breather before responding.

Like the old Coca-Cola commercial said, “It’s the pause that refreshes.”

All the best,

John

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Have you ever given consideration that the you you think you are is just sort of a Clark Kent type identity? It’s your name, but it’s really a cover identity if, underneath it all, you’re really Superman or Wonder Woman.

One identity covers over the other. What if you’re not the cover you? What if you’re not the thoughts that accumulate in your head as to who you think you are, what you believe, who’s wronged you, who agrees with you, who tells you that you’re this way and not that.

That’s the very minor you, little you if you will. What if the bigger you, the all-encompassing you, is who you really are. And that other you is just some nagging little pest that gets in your way and bosses you around and tries to control you. It’s like a very insecure person who wants to join the police force solely because they desperately want to experience some kind of authority and be granted control.

And that’s what the little you is: a sanctioned controller. We’ve been conditioned to believe it’s the authority in charge of all the rules as to what’s allowed and what’s possible. It acts as a gatekeeper, keeping the passageway between the big you and itself, little you, blocked. That’s little you’s main job.

When you’re in your head and little you is spouting all the things that are “true” – things others should know about and adhere to – the things that nobody understands, but you, that’s how you clog the corridor between you and your superpower.

But, when that pseudo-important little you calms down and relaxes, it lets answers and ideas that have been held in solitary confinement to come through the gate.

This mellowing out of little you, gives you access to an unlimited you, not just to a small conceptual world that you made up in your head. When big you comes through, you’re not limited to what you already know and personal biases; you now have access to something that can’t be Googled: Wisdom.

Wanna know who’s blocking the way for you to clearly see? Yep, it’s little old me.

All the best,

John

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Here is the recorded version of the Grasshopper Note for the week of 6-22-20.

Read the written version here.

Ever wonder to yourself how you got to be where you are now?

It’s my experience that most of us attribute our current state in life, especially if it’s an undesirable one, to someone or something else. Rarely, do we put the onus on us.

You can certainly find out how you got here. Just reengineer the steps that preceded your current set of circumstances. Then, the trick to find out how you really got here is to remove all the blame you have ascribed to someone or something else. Then you’ll have a clear picture of how you arrived.

But all of that is a history lesson, not a plan to go forward. Going forward also benefits by reengineering. Start with what you want your circumstances to be and work backward from there. What are the steps necessary to build a bridge from where you are to where you want to be?

The past is of no use here – only your current set of circumstances and what you want to evolve to.

There are building blocks necessary to fashion a different future. Get curious as to what they are and then go to work on them one by one. Remember: to climb a mountain, it’s necessary to navigate the foothills first.

Reminds me of a story . . . I have relatives who are Navy SEALs. One of them graduated as one of the top five graduates at a major university in California. An Admiral spoke at the commencement. He said the reason that five of the six top graduates were SEALs was of no surprise to him. He said that they are mission oriented and don’t move on to the next step until the one they’re on is completed.

Make your future a mission. Start by leaving your past behind and craft a vision of what a desirable future looks like. Then employ my favorite Chinese axiom: “Talk doesn’t cook rice.”

Gather your building materials one-by-one, then assemble them piece by piece. Make your future more than a wish; take the necessary actions and work your plan, and you’ll never again have to wonder how you got to be where you are now. You’ll have a blueprint.

All the best,

John

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I had a dream last night about photographing someone and taking a light meter reading of their face. As I was doing that, I was saying to myself, “I wonder how I meter their light inside.”

Shakespeare told us, “The eyes are the window to your soul.” And yes, they are the leading indicator as to the amount of inside light someone is projecting.

You learn in photography that smiling isn’t necessarily an indicator as to how light someone is feeling, unless the smile makes it to their eyes. There’s a little crinkle on the outside corners of the eyes that reveals if the smile is genuine.

I think everyone is naturally good at something – something they didn’t work at – something that comes to them naturally. For me, it’s knowing how someone is feeling almost immediately after seeing or hearing them.

When I first discovered that I had this skill, I wanted to know how I knew. Eventually, the answer came to me. If I met them in person, it was their eyes that told me the story. If it was over the phone, it was their voice that gave me the clues.

Want to know how light or dark someone is feeling inside? Pay close attention to what’s showing up on the outside.

After you get a little better at this, people will wonder if you have a little bit of psychic in you. You do! It comes from getting out of your head and paying attention to what’s right there in front of you.

All the best,

John

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Here is the recorded version of the Grasshopper Note for the week of 6-15-20.

Read the written version here.