Your list is bigger than Santa’s, Holy Cow

You plan to begin tomorrow

To address what brings you sorrow

But if you’re really serious, you’d begin NOW!

Happy New Year!

John

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Who hasn’t experienced sparks?

They happen when something or someone sparks an idea or a feeling.

The world owes a debt of gratitude to sparks. They not only ignite us to action; they also alert us to danger.

A spark from an informed source or a partially connected wire has something else in common – a loose connection.

If we got the whole idea, it wouldn’t be a spark; we would be completely connected.

If we see sparks flying from a partially inserted plug, there’s not a completed connection.

Look at sparks in relationships. They capture our interest at the beginning and end of one. When sparks fly at the beginning, we are not yet deeply connected; we’re just mesmerized by the sparkle which oftentimes draws us forward to make a deeper connection. If we do make a connection and the connection comes loose, the sparks fly again, but this time they may urge us to pull out.

Some people live their whole lives experiencing only sparks. It’s much like the rap against most advertising – “All sizzle and no steak,” or as they say in Texas, “All hat, no cattle.”

Living on sparks is a dangerous existence. Some folks live their whole life on the spark of tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes.

Some attempt to live on the cultural spark which has them believe that maybe it’s the next new thing or experience that will give them the connection they’re longing for.

I love sparks. I also love garlic. I can’t live on either one. Both would shock your system.

If your spark doesn’t get you to push in deeper or pull out completely, you’ve missed the purpose of sparks. They are catalysts, not lifestyles.

Perhaps you haven’t noticed that sparks and superficial also start with the same letter. They also share a common bond – loose connections.

Here’s a rule of thumb: If your interest isn’t sparked enough to go deeper, it’s time to pull out.

Investigate all the sparks that come to your attention, just don’t mistake them for anything other than what they are – loose connections. Only you can decide if they’re worth plugging all the way into.

All the best,

John

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Anyone who reads this blog knows that I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions, simply because they don’t work.

Just look at the evidence trail your own resolutions have left behind and you’ll begrudgingly agree with me.

There is, however, that one time out of a zillion that it did work. My sense is that one time had more to do with awareness than it did with your specific resolution.

There really is no power in a conscious resolution. It’s a thought in a fancy dress or formal wear.

We have many thoughts (intentions) that we never act on, so what makes the New Year thought any different? Nothing!

But what about that one time it did work?

My guess is that you became aware of your awareness. It’s a rare phenomenon that pays long-term dividends.

It’s the one New Year’s Resolution worth committing yourself to. “Dear diary, this year my goal is to become aware of my awareness.” This resolution is like a pregnant cat. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Resolutions are conscious desires. When they remain at that level of consciousness, they are as fleeting as the wind.

Awareness is as steady as it gets and it outshines conscious thought every time. You just have to become aware that you have awareness.

Here’s the part you’re going to hate. It takes practice – regular practice.

First, let’s prove that you own awareness. Notice the sensation in your left wrist right now. Before I mentioned your left wrist it wasn’t in your awareness, but there’s a good chance it’s in there now.

The initial discovery is to notice that we have things going on outside of our conscious awareness. The next step is to purposely exercise our awareness. It’s called become aware of being aware.

It’s out of awareness that things change. Most habit patterns that we want to outgrow remain out of awareness. The closest we get to them is writing them down on a piece of paper at the New Year or on a “special” birthday. That’s not enough to effectuate long-term change.

When you begin to notice the unnoticed, while it’s happening, you are at the doorstep of change. Practice is what moves you across the threshold.

Resolution is a derivative of the word “Resolve.” When you look up synonyms for “Resolve,” you invariably find the word “Willpower” which is its boisterous, ineffective cousin. Reminds me of an expression I heard during my military days . . . “He’s got an alligator mouth with a hummingbird ass.”

Awareness is the 800 pound gorilla.

Practice becoming aware of what’s not currently in your awareness. That means to go on a search past the surface. This gets you past reason. Most people when they find a reason for their behavior, stop searching because they feel they have struck gold. Reason will keep most people in the land of justification which just adds credence to the undesired behavior. Justified behavior hangs around.

Awareness of the behavior, while it’s happening, is becoming aware of your awareness. Awareness doesn’t contain justification or reason. It’s a pure entity that only contains itself – awareness.

Make awareness your goal, not the specific conscious resolution you have written down. Awareness is the catalyst of all change.

Here’s a New Year’s Resolution worth making: Reduce all your resolutions down to a simple, daily prayer: “Make me aware.”

All the best,

John

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Here is my Annual Christmas Greeting

ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

That’s right, No “L”

May the joy of the holiday season be
with you everyday of your life.

Merry Christmas!

John

Who or what is the love of your life?

It’s the person or thing that gets most of your quality time.

For many, those who get their quality time are their children, partner, family members, friends or co-workers.

For others, their quality time is given to an activity like a hobby – woodworking, photography, painting, writing, crocheting, etc.

However, an alarming number of people spend their quality time with behavior that’s not serving them well. Ask one of these people who or what the love of their life is and they will give you a pat answer that doesn’t match up with their behavior. “Oh, my family comes first.” No, not so if you’re giving someone or something else your quality time.

For example, let’s pretend that you consume enough alcohol to inebriate yourself on a daily basis. Congratulations, you have found the love of your life. You spend your quality time with alcohol.

Your behavior determines who or what gets your quality time, not your intentions.

Quality time is time specifically spent including something or someone. You set aside this time to include your hobby, your hubby, or your hootch, just to name a few.

Not many drunks realize they have a love affair with alcohol. That’s what an addiction is – a love affair where you include your detrimental behavior and exclude those whom you claim are important to you.

If you’ve ever volunteered to be the designated driver, you have witnessed some friends and loved ones have their personality change right before your eyes. Their gathering with friends has become an excuse for them to engage in quality time with their real love – their beverage of choice.

With whom or what you spend your quality time with is a choice. If you choose drugs, gambling, alcohol, mind numbing TV watching or never ending net surfing, you have shown everyone your first love. Your first love gets your quality time.

The larger the gap between what we say and what we do is a measurement of how badly we have misused our love.

Who or what is the object of your affection? Notice how you spend your quality time and you’ll find your answer. It may not be the prefabricated answer you’ve been giving all these years.

Your real answer can light the way out of darkness. It all begins with asking the question: “Who or what is the real love of my life?”

All the best,

John

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Your biggest discovery won’t be about other people
Your biggest discovery will be about you
It may come wrapped in a small idea
One that contains an unmistakable clue

Your biggest discovery is about your identity
And when you find it you’ll know it’s true
It’s been hidden in plain sight all of these years –
The person you made up and got comfortable with is not you

All the best,

John

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While shoveling snow yesterday, The Grasshopper put in an appearance wearing a Santa hat and had this to say: “The brain remembers; the mind adds meaning.”

There’s something about more than two feet of snow that makes you remember other times when a heavy snow has fallen.

It’s amazing that you can be transported to another time when something very similar happened. Such was the case yesterday. I remembered various times of days gone by in vivid detail. There was both laughter and melancholy associated with each memory.

The brain can’t help but remember. That’s one of its functions. Adding meaning is where we get stuck in a big snow drift.

There is no meaning to a memory unless we add one. Memory is pure stimulus/response.

Heavy snow/memory

Adding a meaning has also become automated for us through conditioning. “I dreamt of money last night so that means I’m going to hit the lottery.” No, you dreamt about money.

Adding meaning to something always distorts that something away from its pure form and weaves it into an illusion that can create lots of drama.

I had many memories triggered by yesterday’s snow. I had lots of responses to those memories. The minute I began to add meaning to the responses, I was headed down a trail where I would be spinning my wheels. Lucky for me, I caught the meaning machine before it went awry and ran amok.

Sometimes we don’t catch it in time. That always leads us to the pseudo land of meaning filled with countless interpretations for one memory.

It snowed heavily yesterday. It triggered several memories about past snows – some heartwarming and others gut wrenching.

Adding meaning to these memories can cause an avalanche that keeps you trapped in a place that doesn’t exist – except in your mind.

Become aware of your meaning machine. It will turn on at the slightest tremor and attempt to lead you down the slippery slope of no return.

It’s up to you to take notice. No one else can do it for you and no one else can save you but you.

Have your memory and feel its attendant feeling and emotion.

Just avoid adding meaning. It’s meaningless.

All the best,

John

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It’s certainly accurate enough to say that we possess thoughts. It’s even more precise to point out that we are possessed by thoughts.

We don’t hold them as much as they hold us.

The Grasshopper was up at the crack of dawn this morning and had this to say: “You’re not possessed by thought when you notice it.”

It’s in that moment of noticing that you find freedom – freedom from possession.

We can easily see how the ancients came up with the concept of demonic possession when we notice the grasp that thought has on us. If it’s saying awful things to you and you can’t chase it away, it’s time for an exorcism.

The only ritual you need do is notice.

Noticing your thoughts opens the door to freedom. Like all worthwhile habits, it takes some cultivating, some practice.

Thoughts want to get comfy, kick their shoes off and hang around longer than Benjamin Franklin advised entertaining company. And they are loud, insulting, threatening, crass and all sorts of improper.

Notice that it’s your house and you can show them the door at any time.

Stop for a moment and notice your thoughts. Don’t engage them in debate or admonish them, just passively notice them. This small bit of attention is enough to crack the door ajar and let them slither away.

This is not a one-time thing. They’ll be back. They like the free room and board and they love a good argument.

The key is to practice noticing. The more efficient you get at it, the less they come around.

If you haven’t written to Santa yet, you may want to ask for a prized possession – the gift of noticing.

All the best,

John

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Did you ever notice that you are oftentimes in “one of your moods?” We all are.

Sad, happy, euphoric, pissed off, or otherwise, we are forever and a day subject to a mood.

Moods, if you’ll excuse the expression, most often, come from out of the blue. All of a sudden it’s on our doorstep without warning.

Our mood can remain in place for minutes, hours, days or decades if we don’t act.

We get a clue every time we notice we’re in a mood as to how to extricate ourselves from it.

That key is the noticing itself.

Who’s noticing that you’re in a mood? Answer: The part of you that notices.

This part of you that does the noticing of your behavior is your savior.

Noticing is the wedge that separates you from your mood. Notice that you’re not in the mood when you’re noticing it. It’s a moment of respite – a break in the action if you will.

Noticing is your ticket to freedom.

Let’s pretend that you discover that you’re in one of your frazzled frames of mind. It’s what you do next that determines how long your mood will last.

Most folks go looking for the reason they’re in a mood. That never works. 99.9% of the time we are looking for someone or something to blame for our mental unrest. That just insures that our mood hangs around longer.

What if you just noticed that you were in a mood without all the attendant recrimination? Instead of saying, “Damn, I’m in a lousy mood and it’s because of this that or the other thing,” what would happen if you just noticed?

What if you just unemotionally said, “I’m noticing I’m in an un-resourceful frame of mind”? Did you notice there was a period at the end of the last sentence? Stop the conversation after noticing.

Once you notice, you now have an opportunity to move out of the mood. Here’s how: Notice where the feeling registers in your body and stay with that feeling. Keep your attention on the physical sensation of the mood without any conversation of “why” you’re in a mood.

The more you keep your attention focused on the physical sensation that accompanies the mood, the quicker the mood will dissipate. I call it the metabolization of moods.

Justifying your mood is an invitation for a long visit with a boring relative, or worse. The more you talk about it the worse it gets. You’re at the mercy of your mood’s timetable if you don’t notice and feel. The more people you tell about your mood, the more you reinforce it. You may not have noticed, until now, that “mood” rhymes with “brood.”

Teach yourself how to notice and feel. It’s a skill worth cultivating. It’s a one-way ticket out of town for your ‘tude of a mood.

All the best,

John

I remember that we were instructed in grammar school to STOP, LOOK & LISTEN when approaching railroad tracks. It could be a mantra for life.

STOP is an interruption of what we are doing. Since most of what we do is automated, patterned behavior, it’s beneficial to stop every once in a while and enjoy an intermission. STOP brings you back to the moment.

LOOK is observing what’s actually going on. There is a lot of thinking about what’s going on, but very little looking. How often have you asked yourself, “Why do I always do that?” Rather than ask why, look at the behavior that generates what you do. The behavior, itself, is the offending party, yet we get caught up in the thoughts about behavior, many times in an effort to defend it. LOOK at what you are doing.

LISTEN for something new. You can cite chapter and verse how your patterned thinking is going to react. LISTEN for another answer – one that’s not so well rehearsed, ingrained or top of mind. When you LISTEN in this way, new ideas come out to play.

The most important one didn’t make it into the mantra – FEEL.

We are feeling beings first and foremost. Remember: Feelings were present long before we learned the labels for them.

FEEL is a rusted barometer for most of us. It’s been unused for so long, that we forgot we had such a powerful tool. Get out the WD-40 and make it operational again.

You will FEEL an answer well before it forms pictures in your mind or words in your head. FEEL is the first responder. Pay attention to your body, It will run circles around your intellect when it comes to true knowing.

There’s no rule that says you can’t begin your New Year’s resolution NOW. May I recommend FEEL, STOP, LOOK & LISTEN.

All the best,

John

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