When I used to travel 30+ weeks a year, I would have lots of opportunities to meet new people on airplanes. Invariably the question would come up: “What do you do?”

If you want to turn heads on airplanes, either answer the question with “Hit man” or “Hypnotist.”

When people heard the term “Hypnotist” or “Hypnosis,” they would reach into their memory banks for any associations they had with either of those words, and the questions and comments would come non-stop.

“Don’t make me cluck like a chicken,” “Can you help me stop biting my nails?”, “Can anybody be hypnotized?”, “I’d be afraid to let anyone control my mind.”

After I answered their questions to the best of my ability, they would eventually ask: “How does it work?” or “What do you actually do?”

I would say that hypnosis is a form of accelerated learning. When the chatterbox part of your mind calms down, the part of your mind that does the learning is wide open and fertile for suggestions you are open to. Then the process of learning something new happens more quickly. So the job of the hypnotist is to guide you into that quieter frame of mind.

When I explained what I actually did, it would make most people stop and think about how much of their behavior was automatic and predictable. I would say that my job was to get people to first, notice, and then outgrow behavior that ran in the background.

We are almost completely unaware of the patterned behavior that runs us. That’s because it’s invisible and runs in the background. It’s like the software in a computer. A computer is only capable of running the same routines if we use the same software.

The visible part is the behavior, not the routine.

Most of psychology probes the “Why” of the behavior. That’s pretty interesting stuff, but it does very little in actually outgrowing the behavior. Rather than know the why and the wherefore, I find it much quicker to get people to notice the behavior while it’s running.

This method opens the curtain so you can see that the “Great Oz” is just an ordinary routine running in the background. You demystify it and notice it for what it is – a piece of outdated software.

Once you have that recognition, you begin to drop the notion of “I was meant to be this way,” or “I’ll never be able to change.” Those concepts melt and fade away when you notice that they have been running in the background.

If you begin to jump into the area of “It’s someone else’s fault that I am the way that I am,” you have brought your ability to learn new behaviors to a screeching halt. That’s backward focus. It’s not helpful in moving you forward.

Outgrowing behavior begins by noticing it while it’s running, not 15 minutes or a day later. When you notice a piece of undesirable behavior running, your job is to interrupt it. The process of interrupting behavior, while it is running, is the quickest path to learning something new.

With each interruption, you cause a gap in the outdated software. It’s in that gap that new behavior starts to form. The more often you interrupt behavior, while it’s running, the quicker you get to new behavior.

New learning loves a void. That’s why mind quieting is such a powerful, learning tool.

Begin to recognize your behaviors in action and you will bring them out of the background where you can interrupt them at will. By doing so, you will bypass all the justifications you’ve been using for your behaviors, and begin the process of accelerated learning.

All the best,

John

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What if what you’ve been hoping for doesn’t happen? Now what?

My team didn’t make it to the Super Bowl, I wasn’t a millionaire by (fill in the magic age here), people can still tell me what to do, I’m not as pretty as I used to be . . . Now what?

You may have done more than hope; you may even have planned for the thing that didn’t happen – Now what?

“Now what?” is a question that too often goes unasked. Do you plan on doing more hoping? I hope not.

Are you planning on doing more planning? It’s too often a time consuming, exercise in diversion.

What are you diverting yourself from? For most of us, it’s answering the question: “Now what?”

“Now what?” has focusing power that hoping and planning can never achieve.

The answer to “Now what?” delivers a directive – one you can then plan for, and throw in a measure of hope as well.

Reminds me of a story . . .

I had a neighbor in Syracuse who moved his family to Florida to change careers. He opened a restaurant with a partner. He worked really hard at building the business and his new career. He sunk his life savings into that venture. One day he arrived at work and didn’t see his partner there. He called his house to see if everything was all right. The phone had been disconnected. He drove over to this guy’s house and it was vacant. He got a sinking feeling. He went to the bank and their business account had been depleted of all funds. He couldn’t pay his suppliers and he couldn’t procure the supplies necessary to serve his patrons. He was up that well known creek.

The business was closed, the building repossessed, and he found himself with a family to feed, nowhere to live, and a couple of hundred dollars to his name. Now What?

He rented a truck, put all his family possessions in it and drove back north. He showed the money to his teenage son and said, “This is all the money we have in the world.” He took time to ask himself, “Now what?” and came up with a plan to head back home, rely on family for a time, and build a new business. This story has a happy ending. He built several businesses and is doing just fine.

“Now what?” dispenses with hope and puts you on the fast track to action.

If your life is filled with hopes and dreams that are passing you by, I have a question for you: Now what?

All the best,

John

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I have this notion that there are two kinds of lost:

Lost but Searching
and
Lost – Lost

My guess is that most of us belong to the “Lost but Searching” group. We know we’re lost and we’re seeking a solution.

The bigger pickle is to be “Lost-Lost.”

Lost-Lost is a more serious situation because there is no way out if you don’t know you’re in. You’re lost but you don’t believe you are. That’s Lost-Lost.

Ignorance may be bliss but “Lost-Lost” contains none of that. Lost-Lost is kind of like the disgruntled husband who refuses to pull over and ask directions because he believes he can find anything. He doesn’t believe he’s lost. 45 minutes later he still believes, and he’s still lost. It may appear he’s seeking a solution but his refusal to triangulate with others suggests otherwise: Lost-Lost.

If you don’t recognize you need help, you are basically helpless.

Lost-Lost lives behind a strong wall of denial that’s not easily scaled from either side.

Sometimes you can storm the castle with an intervention but that’s rarely successful. It seems the most effective knock of help has to come from the inside.

The only catalyst I know to set the environment for that knock to come is silence.

If someone you care about is Lost-Lost, about the only thing you can do is point them towards silence – a quiet mind. Your logic is lost on them and I’ve never seen logic win a debate against denial.

Seeking internal silence on a regular basis acts as accelerated erosion on even life-long patterns.

Silence works for the “Lost but Searching” and the “Lost-Lost” as well.

Whether you are attempting to help yourself or another, the gift of silence is the most valuable one you can give or receive. There are lots of ways to get to the land of gentle knocks; they all are designed to quiet your mind. Find one that works for you and then offer it up to another.

It just may be the silent direction needed to find the way out of Lost-Lost.

All the best,

John

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There aren’t too many issues where we don’t take sides – sporting events, politics, religion, “Beatles vs. Elvis.” The list goes on and on.

The problem, as I see it, is not passionately lining up on the “For” side of an issue; the thing that doesn’t work well is being against something.

How many things are we at war with and losing? – Drugs, poverty, terror, etc.

Being for something does not necessarily dictate that we’re against its opponent. We’ve just been conditioned that way, and that way is not working.

It may seem like semantics, but if you try it on for size with your feeling sense, you’ll know that “For” has a different energy than “Against.”

“Against” will tense you up while “For” will free your energy to work towards your goal.

How many times have you heard, “How goes the battle?” That suggests that you are battling against something, rather than putting your efforts into being for something.

I think we can all agree that disease is not anything we’re for, but to be against it misdirects our healing energy. It seems the patients that heal quickest are the ones who are for recovery and not against the affliction.

In psychology, there is an approach that has an abysmal failure rate. It’s called “Aversion Therapy.” It puts the accent on the negative. They have you associate negative things to the behavior you want to outgrow. For example, for weight loss, they ask you to make an association that junk food or dessert will taste like garbage. The results are temporary. The objective is to make you against junk food. Most dieting is predicated on the “against” principle – foods you’re not for. You only have to ask yourself one question: “How’s that working for me?”

Against contains conflict. The conflict is: You are for something, while at the same time, being against something. Your focus is scattered and your results get watered down.

“For” has no conflict. Its sole message frees you to move in one direction – Forward.

Hatred is against something. You can’t hate your way to peace. It’s just as accurate to point out that you can’t hate your body and have lasting results with weight loss.

Take a moment and monitor what you’re against. Then make a shift in your angle of approach and see what you can be for instead.

You’ll find it’s no accident that the word “Forward” contains “For.”

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper had this to say today: “The difference that makes a difference is living the philosophy you preach.”

Reminds me of a story . . .

In 1979, legendary radio commentator, Paul Harvey came to our studios in Kansas City to broadcast his morning, national news show. It was a lesson in efficiency to watch him work.

More so than his workflow, I was impressed with his down–to-earth, roll up your sleeves style, and his let’s go to work attitude. But even more impressive was that he made his own coffee.

Why did that impress me? Because he drank the brand he was a spokesperson for – Kava Coffee.

Kava Coffee was a new brand in the U.S. at that time, so it couldn’t have been his lifelong choice. Remember: This was radio. No one was going to see what coffee he was brewing and drinking at 5 o’clock in the morning. He made it a point to use the products he pitched.

It made a difference. He delivered a totally congruent message when he talked about usage and consumption of the things he advertised.

We all do a bit of preaching we don’t practice, so this is not a sermon – just a suggestion.

If you are looking for your life to take a different track, pick out one small thing that you are preaching and not practicing and do one of two things:

1. Stop preaching it.
2. Start practicing it.

Your message will be heard louder and clearer if you are a disciple of it. Not only that, you’ll open up new routes for yourself to travel that don’t take you down into the same old rut you’ve been telling everyone else how to get out of.

You either have to put away your podium, or stand tall on it and speak from experience; otherwise you will sink more deeply into the land where there is no difference – Mediocrity.

All the best,

John

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If you have been exposed to any of the political discourse over the past few years, you’ve been treated to the buzzword, “Transparency.”

This is an effort by politicians to appeal to the voters that their preferred way of doing “The Peoples’ Business” is out in the open. It makes for a great sound bite, but the practice has no teeth.

Lest you think this is a rant on politics, I wouldn’t waste your time. My effort is to make the claim that transparency is alive and well in our daily lives; we just don’t see it.

Transparency is the ability to see through things. It’s a skill we all have but don’t fully recognize. That’s because this skill is mainly a feeling, one that we ignore too often.

The clue that something is speled wrong is first a feeling before we recognize it visually. It happens so fast. We see something, it first registers as a feeling and then it becomes apparent to our visual sense a split second later. The feeling registers first.

It may not be immediately apparent to you that it happens this way. So, just think back on something you were reading when, a sentence later, you went back to reread the sentence before it and found an error. Your visual sense saw it but didn’t recognize it until your feeling sense clued you in.

Your sensations are the catalyst to show you your gift of transparency.

We can all see through what is being attempted to be hidden. It has been referred to as “common sense.” We sense what another is hiding because, to the sensing part of us, it is commonly transparent.

We, as a culture, have been conditioned to ignore our sensations and put more stock in what we see. What is presented for our visual consumption is too often airbrushed with so many layers of concealment, it makes seeing untrustworthy. Your gut has no such handicap. The sensation is immediate and it nudges you to open your eyes and see what it feels.

You can make what is being offered to you much more transparent by paying attention to the sensations your body is sending you.

Seeing through things more clearly begins with paying more attention to what you’re sensing, rather than to what you are seeing.

It’s a skill worth developing. Seeing may be believing, but sensing will help you see through limiting beliefs.

All the best,

John

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Here’s a question The Grasshopper asked the other day: “How many speeches do you rehearse that you’ll never have the opportunity to deliver?”

The odds are the same as the “wear clean underwear” in case you are in an accident practice.

How often do we spout off in our head that which we will never deliver? It’s not like we’re trying out a new idea in there; it’s more like a speech we’ve given a thousand times or more.

I don’t know which is the bigger folly, rehearsing something that no one will hear OR taking all that energy and railing against reality instead of accepting it?

We’re probably not going to get out of our head anytime soon, but we can take the time to notice what’s going on in there.

Our constant companions are our thoughts. No one can control the flavor of thoughts that will pop into their mind, but we certainly have a say in how long they will hang around.

We keep a thought around by rehearsing it again and again. We are worthy of Carnegie Hall with as much practice as we have put in.

If we monitor the internal speeches we give, we will notice how often they are about us being wronged and us giving the perpetrator a piece of our mind. And if you really want to appreciate the comedy, sometimes the wrong doer is dead.

If you want the speech that no one is going to hear to stop, you have to stop and notice it. Too often we let it go on unnoticed. This non recognition keeps it knocking on our door for encore performances.

The thought producer in your head is separate and apart from you. It has a life of its own independent of your wishes. As I mentioned before, it’s not going to stop spouting off. You can, however, reduce its frequency.

How?

Recognize the performance. Don’t criticize; recognize!

Recognition is the applause it’s seeking.

Once you recognize that your thought spouter is on stage, don’t participate in the performance; only witness it. It’s the difference between going to the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” and any other movie.

Just notice the soliloquy your mind is producing without participating in it and two things will happen:

1. It will be an abbreviated performance.
2. The circus won’t come to town as often.

You can train your mind as to the type of entertainment you want to pop in; you just have to practice your powers of recognition more often.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper made an unscheduled appearance early this morning and had this to say:

“You can’t be led out of the wilderness if you don’t know you’re there.”

It’s downright difficult to have someone follow your lead who doesn’t think they’re lost.

Lost people are done learning; they know everything about that which they can’t be led out of.

Reminds me of a story . . .

I used to have a man who worked for me who was talented enough to be employed but lacked the ability to see why he wouldn’t be chosen for advancement. His words gave him away. He was constantly touting his own worth and his superior skills compared to those who currently held advanced positions. He was miffed and mystified why a number of people he had worked for passed him over for promotion. He was a victim who couldn’t be led out of the pot he was stewing in.

Even when you laid out the necessary steps for him to take to be considered for advancement, he scoffed. In his mind, he had already arrived and the only thing holding him back was others.

There are many things we can learn about in this lifetime, but the most valuable course you can take is learning about yourself.

This isn’t a course about your conditioned likes and dislikes – any moron could pass that class. This is more about the you that can take you places where you can’t currently go. You can’t currently get there because you have anchored yourself in place with all that you know.

The way to learn about yourself is to know less and discover more.

It’s just a proven fact of life that you pay more attention when you don’t know. It’s certainty that has you miss something. When you trust in letting go of what you know, you will learn about the part of you that takes you by the hand and leads you forward.

It’s difficult to let go of what you know, but it’s also necessary to discover yourself.

Chances are what you are holding on to for dear life is the weight that’s sinking you. What we hold on to is pride, prejudice and predictable behavior, and the certainty that glues all of that in place.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel and to be led towards it, you have to lighten up on what you know.

Certainty blocks the guiding light of you. Push it to one side and discover what you can accomplish.

All the best,

John

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I wonder if I was the only viewer who was uncomfortable watching the memorial service in Tucson, Arizona last night on TV.

The crowd of 14,000, mostly college students, showed a lack of education in social grace when they responded as though they were at a pep rally instead of at a memorial service.

This was not an opportunity to come cheer for the ideas they agreed with that were put forth by the speakers, but rather a time for quiet reflection.

Did they not know that the grieving victims’ families were in attendance? Would they create or appreciate that type of atmosphere at their own loved one’s memorial?

Yes, there were times for laughter as well as tears and applause, but cheering as though it were a basketball game or political rally showed a lack of respect for the grieving families, and showed a lack of maturity by most of the attendees.

Perhaps the students in attendance would benefit by a class in appropriate behavior because it was sorely missing at last night’s memorial service for the victims and survivors of a tragic event that happened this past Saturday in Tucson.

There was evidence last night that the education of our youth is missing something – A class in respect.

All the best,

John

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As a seminar leader, I have been referred to many times as a motivational speaker. I am uncomfortable with that label because I’m not sure it’s an accurate description.

I don’t really motivate anyone to do anything; that’s something they do themselves.

“I’m not motivated” is a phrase I hear quite often. What does that mean? “My husband/wife/son/daughter/sister/brother/mother/father/friend needs motivation” is another version of that statement.

I believe people are really saying something else when they use the “M” word. I think they are saying, “I/they are not curious.”

Lack of curiosity is what leaves us unmotivated.

When you spark someone’s curiosity, then you see the fireworks of motivation. You motivate yourself when curious.

Any teacher’s job is to get you curious, not motivate you.

How do we get people curious? – Find out what’s important to them and address it.

If you are only addressing what’s important to you, you will kill another’s curiosity quicker than the cat.

Watch the skills of all the great communicators; they join the listener’s model of the world. They address what’s important to them, not just what’s important.

There is a difference between a great orator and a great communicator. The orator may get you temporarily fired up; the communicator will get you curious.

Even the most notorious couch spud springs into action when their curiosity gets engaged. To get to that point we have to go on a few dates with them to find out what they like.

You get their possibility quotient raised when you raise their curiosity. You do that by finding out what’s important to them and addressing it.

What’s important to you? Ask yourself that question and you will notice your curiosity increase. The natural offshoot of your curiosity will be the motivation you’ve been seeking.

In our quest to get motivated, we have overlooked one very important step – curiosity.

I’m curious if you will find out what’s important.

All the best,

John

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