Everybody has a story and we all need to tell it to let it out in the big world rather than keeping it in little old me. But, at some point, it also needs to be retired or it will immobilize you.

The discovery I’ve made about bringing our story out too often is this: You block yourself from moving forward.

Why do we keep our story on the front page for so long? To justify why we are the way we are. “I’m this way because my mother fed me from the wrong breast.” It sounds silly to say that but it’s no sillier than us citing and leaning on our reasons (our story) for why we are the way we are.

Our story keeps us arguing for our limitations.

Everyone’s story is important and once we’ve told it a few times to our counselor, friends, clergy or family members, it’s in our best interest to leave it where it does us the most good – in the past.

To make room for a new chapter in our life we have to purge the old ones.

Some people will elect to keep telling their story. They believe at some level if they tell it just one more time, they’ll get the emotional relief they’ve been seeking. The reverse is actually the case. We cause ourselves more hurt with each successive telling. We revivify the original experience. I’m reminded of what my hypnosis teacher Dr. Dave Dobson said: “You don’t have to go to the landfill to remember what garbage smells like.”

Got a story to tell? We all do but I encourage you to explore the powerful question that author Byron Katie asks: “Who are you without your story?” One answer is this: Free to move forward without baggage.

Retiring stories is like the game of golf: simple but not easy. The simple instruction is to immediately stop telling your story. The challenging part is to realize that you are not discounting the importance of your personal history by no longer telling it.

No one can diminish the importance of your story and no one should try. But if you keep telling it, the only thing you’ll insure is that you’ll stay stuck until the day you die.

The only story worth continually telling is this: Once upon a time I was my story.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper let this slip out the other day: “I once owned it; I’ve since outgrown it.”

What mindsets do you own that just don’t cut it any more? Too many to count in my case.

What are you holding on to that’s dragging you down? (Think of attempting to tread water while holding on to an anchor).

I’m reminded of how native Africans captured monkeys. They would put peanuts inside a hollowed out coconut shell. On one side of the shell was a knotted rope with the knot on the inside of the shell. The other side had a larger hole where the monkey could reach in and grab the peanuts. The problem was when they closed their hand around the peanuts, they couldn’t withdraw it from the shell. The natives would just pull on the rope and bring the monkey towards them and capture them. At any time, the monkey could have released their grip and let go of the peanut and freed themselves. Most didn’t and left no heirs.

“Changing” a mindset is usually temporary. Think about dieting. The diet eventually has an end and in almost every case the person gains back the weight. They attempted to change their behavior rather than outgrow it.

I remember asking a divorced woman at a seminar if she would ever consider going back with her ex. Her answer was an emphatic “No!” I attempted to sweeten the pot. I asked if she would consider it if he won a major Powerball jackpot. Her answer was just as emphatic – “No!”

She outgrew her husband. Once you outgrow something you won’t go back to it. Think about the “stylish” clothes you wore in high school. Most people wouldn’t be caught dead in those togs today, even on Halloween.

Outgrowing is the realization that something doesn’t fit or isn’t working anymore.

It’s acting on that realization that will take you out of that mindset and grow into one that works for you now.

Take inventory of your beliefs and have the courage to notice which ones are no longer working. It’s at that moment that you’ll begin to outgrow the old way and grow into a new way.

All the best,

John