“Discrepancy” is described in the dictionary as a lack of compatibility between facts.

In human nature, I think it’s better described as a lack of compatibility between “shoulds.”

There is a discrepancy between what should be happening according to you and what should be happening according to them.

The real discrepancy isn’t between us and another; it’s between us and reality.

Nowhere in the “should” argument is an argument made for what is actually happening. We argue for our version of the truth and they argue for theirs, and sitting off in the distance is reality having a big belly laugh watching this sitcom play out. Each week’s episode is funnier than the last, but not to you.

We’re a real character caught in a scripted show called “Discrepancy” that’s so far from reality that we can’t see the cosmic joke.

The way out is discovering there is a discrepancy with how we think it should be and the way it is. That’s the only chance we have of closing the gap.

Finding the discrepancy between us and another only elongates the argument into next week’s installment. Discovering how our position doesn’t match up with reality takes us away from our illusion of “should” and plants us firmly in the realm of “is.”

It’s only in this fertile ground that the weeds of discrepancy won’t grow.

Take a closer look at a discrepancy you have with another and you will find that your argument isn’t with them; it’s with reality. I don’t know about you but I can’t ever remember winning an argument with reality.

So many of our problems with others aren’t really with them; they’re between us and the way it is. We have to end our argument with reality before we can end our argument with another.

Once you know who you are really arguing with, the better chance there is of “Discrepancy” being cancelled.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper must like autumn because he’s dropping messages on me like falling leaves over the past week. Yesterday during a phone conversation, he interjected, “Let’s convolute it so we can’t understand it.”

Convolution is everywhere but no more present than it is in today’s language. To my ears, folks in the corporate world and psychological community lead the pack. What the heck are they talking about?

There are more new labels coming out everyday and it’s hard to keep up. The reason it’s difficult to follow along is because hardly anyone is saying anything understandable, yet they use a bevy of buzzwords to say nothing.

Please don’t confuse this with “trade talk.” People in certain professions use words that would make no sense to someone outside the profession. Take the military for example. In the U.S. Navy and Marine Corps, the word “Geedunk” means candy or sweets or the place where you purchase them. “Get me some geedunk over at the geedunk.”

If you’re a Sailor or a Marine, those words have meaning.

Convolution means what you are saying means nothing to no one, including you.

Convolution is taking a simple idea and covering it over with layers and layers of paint so its original hue can’t shine through.

The essence of what you are attempting to communicate has too many layers of distortion between you and whom you want to communicate with.

I won’t trouble you with convoluted examples from the corporate or psychological community to A.) Spare them embarrassment and B.) To spare you the pain. I’m sure you have your own examples you can cite.

Bottom line: The message is getting buried in the buzz and bees are jealous.

It seems that the trend is to veer away from clear. Let’s do our part to clean up our language and start a revolution against convolution.

All the best,

John

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Was out for a walk yesterday and bumped into The Grasshopper wearing his Dr. Spock smock and he had this to say: “Pass on more than your prejudice.”

It first had parental implications for me, but the wisdom applies to all opinion shapers. The message, more broadly, seems to be: If you are in a position of influence, be mindful of what you are filling impressionable minds with.

Impressional minds are not necessarily young minds; they come in all genders, colors and age groups. For example, the politics of hate is alive and well and can be seen displayed everywhere. From the looks of TV and social media, it appears to affect people of all backgrounds from just about cradle to grave.

Some people are primed to be pandered to. Take the O.J. Simpson jury in the 90s. It was “the” textbook example of “pander to their prejudice.” The defense team knew they couldn’t win on the facts, so they went right to the experience of mistreatment they knew many people of color on the jury had endured, and proceeded to throw salt into those wounds.

It’s not that these jurors couldn’t make rational decisions, they certainly could, but in this case they were expertly played. Poll any juror, in any case, and they will tell you they voted on the facts when, in fact, most didn’t. They believe they are voting the facts, but the evidence often proves otherwise.

You’ll never get high priced attorneys or political consultants to stop pandering but you can adopt one politician’s mantra – “The Buck Stops Here.”

You can stop passing on your prejudice. It can stop now if you choose. You have so much more to offer and share than prejudicial information that makes tempers flare.

The only question left is: Do you have enough discrimination to pass on more than your prejudice?

All the best,

John

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My preferred method of exercise is walking. It’s easy on the knees and it allows lots of time for reflection.

I used to run, and many years ago I made a personal discovery about me. When the headwinds were stronger, I upped my game, I would run harder into the wind. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered it was a pattern that permeated my entire life, not just my running.

Years before my discovery, I had a boss who observed, “You’re best when you are on a mission.”

So when I hit a headwind, I try harder. I’m sure I’m not alone.

The deeper discovery came on a walk the other day when I parsed the difference between a perceived headwind and an actual one.

I’m fairly good at spotting an oncoming headwind, but I’m not as quick to act on the perception as I am when it’s actually happening. Again, I’m sure I’m not alone.

What headwind is on the horizon that you’re not prepping for? It’s a question worth answering. It will reveal areas that need attention now rather than waiting for a gale force crisis to test your mettle.

Observe the gifted athlete who doesn’t practice much; they are the first ones to have a rapid, downward career spiral when their headwind resisting skills begin to erode. There’s an old golfing axiom that states, “A professional golfer who’s chasing pars is like a dog chasing cars.” Soon it will be over.

Congratulations if you are good in a crisis. Even larger kudos to you if you can spot one on the horizon and take the necessary action now so you can take some wind out of its sails.

There will be enough headwinds that you won’t see coming to test your skill level, but it’s the ones you can see and don’t prepare for that will erode your skills much quicker.

The key to turning a perceived headwind into a tailwind is to prepare for it now. That way the big bad wolf is less likely to blow your house down.

All the best,

John

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“Life is a mystery – one that you’ll never figure out in a lifetime.” So said The Grasshopper, sounding like a character from an Agatha Christie novel.

I like solving puzzles and mysteries. They really take my mind for a ride. What I’ve come to realize is that when I successfully solve something, I have solved a situation, which is an isolated event in an ongoing puzzle.

There will be more of life’s puzzles ahead, but unlike the one on the coffee table, there is no final piece to place. Life is an infinite puzzle that’s unsolvable. So what’s the point of attempting to solve life’s puzzles?

Satisfaction in the moment seems to come to mind, but I believe there’s a more fulfilling benefit to solving life’s mysteries. Every attempt provides you with one of life’s most precious gifts – Resourcefulness.

Everyone has resources, but many of them remain hidden from us because we don’t make the effort to solve life’s puzzles. We look for someone “smarter” or “better” or “more suited” than us to do the tedious work. Just as you can’t have someone go to the gym and do your workout for you, you can’t benefit from life’s puzzles by not attempting to solve them yourself.

You can certainly enlist help, but you have to be part of the process to get the gift of resourcefulness.

Uncovering resourcefulness is simply giving yourself the opportunity to respond to life’s mysteries, rather than react to them. Reactions take you to familiar ground – nowhere; responses make you resourceful.

It’s true that you’ll never get out of life alive, but you’ll remain alive your entire life if you are resourceful.

Take the time to interrupt your reactions to life’s mysteries, then wait for a response before acting. Then you’ll discover one of life’s mysterious delights – your resourcefulness.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper asked a thought provoking question the other day: “Are you looking for what you’ve lost OR what you haven’t found yet?”

Normally I don’t know what triggers these messages from out of the blue, but this time I think I do.

I saw a Facebook posting the other day inviting me to listen to a new track from the forthcoming Diana Krall Album called, GLAD RAG DOLL. The song was an old, country flavored, slow waltz entitled, WIDE RIVER TO CROSS.

The song touched me on the first play, and then I played it again and again and these lyrics stuck in my head:

I’m only half way home

I gotta journey on

Where I’ll find

The things I have lost

We’ve all lost something or someone, and sometimes our journey is to find the things we have lost. There is another journey that, perhaps, we haven’t considered – Looking for what we haven’t found yet.

For me, there is a different feeling attached to each. Lost is a frantic feeling, and the search for what I haven’t found feels like hunger. “Lost” has the scary feeling of never being found, and “Found” is a knowing that something is there. I can smell it, but I just haven’t found it yet – like an aromatic bakery.

I think it’s useful to determine which of these you are looking for – Lost or Found.

If you are lost in lost, the chances of discovering what you haven’t yet found are greatly diminished. The search for found gets put on hold while you hold on to the frightening feelings of lost.

I can’t tell you what direction to head in – only this: Finding your way has the fresh smell of a brand new day.

If you pursue found, you’re less likely to get lost.

All the best,

John

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There is a worldwide myth that needs a challenge (at least I think so).

It’s the one of “Equal Measure” in relationships.

It’s my experience that, in a relationship, one person gives more. This applies to working and non-working relationships whether they be personal or business.

It really has to be this way or the relationship would have no movement. An equal measure relationship would be like a see-saw that was perfectly balanced on each end – both of you would be up in the air.

Perhaps you are tired of being the one who gives more. That’s totally understandable and it has a remedy, but not in the current relationship. If you attempt to adjust the roles so there is equal measure, two things are for sure:

1. The change will be temporary.

2. No one will be happy.

One remedy is being in another relationship where you give less.

“But I don’t want to be in another relationship,” you say. I say, “The balance of the relationship you are in is already set.” Attempting to change it would be like trying to change your blood type.

What to do? Recognize the reality that there is no lasting equal measure, and that efforts to make it so only strain a relationship.

Let’s pretend that you believe your mother or father loves your brother or sister more. Let’s even further pretend that it’s “true.” You can spend a good portion of your life looking for equal measure only to be thwarted at every turn. The sooner you accept the balance the way it is, the sooner you’ll feel movement rather than stagnation.

If this sounds like resignation to you, you need to be in a new relationship OR you need to remove the denigration from resignation and appreciate the relationship you have, the way it is.

Improving relationships is always a noble work in progress, and never is the end point equal measure. If equal measure is your goal, you have a recipe for disaster.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper gave me a new label to play with the other day: Spiritual Reporter.

I knew exactly what he meant. A Spiritual Reporter is someone who talks about the spiritual side of being human but doesn’t necessarily experience it, at least to the degree that they talk about it.

There are some notable names in that group who are big draws on the motivational tour circuit. Their message is sound, but to my eyes their experience is lacking.

These are gifted speakers who have books and DVDs that have a wealth of information that introduce people to the spiritual side of being human, but they haven’t received their own message. It sort of reminds me of the old axiom, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

This isn’t a slam on these people – just an observation. They provide a valuable role in getting the message out, but the message hasn’t yet landed in their “In” box.

Here’s the difference between a Spiritual Reporter and a Spiritual Teacher: When you are in their presence, one gets you curious about their information; the other transports you to the spiritual realm. In other words, the reporter gets you to see and hear it; the teacher gets you to experience it.

Out of respect for the work they do, I will not name any reporters, but two teachers I have experienced are Eckhart Tolle and Jerry Stocking. Five years ago I wrote about one experience I had with both of them in the same day. You can read about it by clicking here.

This post could easily be interpreted as “my teacher is better than your teacher,” but it’s deeper than that. It’s a barometer to use to assess your access to your own spiritual nature. One method will get you curious about it; another will actually take you there.

For example, when reading a book infused with spirit, you will be taken away from the world of facts and figures and into the quiet world of calm. Spiritual works don’t get you to think, they get you to experience and feel.

Here’s a hint: if you are reading a “7-Step” book, it won’t be a spiritual experience. There is no overt agenda with a spiritual presentation or text. The only mission is to take you to that place that has no name and no syllabus, but is a cauldron of learning.

I still read the works of Spiritual Reporters because they are so gifted in presenting what they say, but I know they are the wrapping paper rather than the gift at the end of the day.

All the best,

John

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Got a pep talk from The Grasshopper yesterday. Like all his motivational speeches, it was short. His message was one we can all benefit from: “Your aspire needs fire.”

Was having a career conversation with my grandson last night and I offered him two pieces of input: Passion and Patience.

I first shared with him a concept I learned from Jerry Stocking – Where on the continuum your goal has to reside in order for you to find fruition.

Jerry indicated that the low side of the continuum represents the emotional component of “Nice to Have” (my words). The high side represented, “If I don’t get this, I won’t be able to breathe.” It was immediately apparent to my grandson, judging by his reaction, that he needed to be closer to the high side in order for his aspiration to appear.

I then told him my spit shinning story that resulted from my basic training days in the U.S. Navy. In order for your porous, cheap leather boots to shine like a black mirror on the toe portion, you have to constantly apply polish and water and rub in a circle in the same spot to get the desired result. It doesn’t happen on the first application and is still absent after the 30th. The sense is it will never happen and giving up is not an option. Your mentors insist on your success and their tactics seem heavy-handed, until that little spot of reflection begins to show itself. Then success feeds on itself until you have a shining example of your work.

To what you aspire needs fire, enough so that it brings stick-to-itiveness along with it.

Is your aspiration a talking point or a point of focus? It’s easy to find out; just measure the amount of talking versus doing that you do, then The Grasshopper’s message will become crystal clear to you.

I can’t help but reissue my favorite, ancient Chinese maxim for the umpteenth time – “Talk doesn’t cook rice.” It’s the difference between “carving out your heavenly slice” and chit-chatting about the elusive “nice.”

All the best,

John

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There is a noticeable difference between hard and soft landings. Ask any passenger who’s been on a plane when it made a giant thud when landing and had them bounce in their seat. It’s unsettling.

Contrast that with the smooth landing – whisper quiet and pillow soft.

We experience both hard and soft landings in life and we all show a preference for the softer ones. The arithmetic is, though, that we will experience a certain percentage of hard landings and we rarely know they are coming. That last part is a definition of reality.

What serves us best after landing hard?

We will have our involuntary reaction to the landing, but what we do next will determine how long we stay unsettled.

Staying with the reaction too long will produce drama, and drama is like most TV spin-off series; it keeps the story line alive well past its expiration date.

What to do?

Allow your reaction to have its say. Just don’t provide it with a pulpit. The minute you begin to repeat your reaction, you are headed towards drama. That’s when it’s time to seek out a response. A response, unlike a reaction, is not on the surface level; you have to dig for it, and finding it is like finding oil.

The good news is, the field you’re digging in is loaded with responses. No dry wells here.

The key to finding a response is to notice that you are giving your reaction too much time in the spotlight. Just noticing your reaction, while it is happening, is enough of a stimulus to put a shovel in your hand.

The tendency is to stay on the surface and justify our reaction, or enlist people to form a support group for it. To go Beverly Hillbillies on you, there’s no “Texas Tea” in those strategies.

It’s natural to have natural reactions; it’s therapeutic to seek out a response. Prolonged reactions will keep you stuck; responses offer alternatives.

I’m sorry if you’ve had a hard landing and now you know how to soften the blow. Dig for a response that’s different from your reaction. Responses will take you places that reactions don’t know exist.

All the best,

John

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