What makes you, you?

If we’re all animated by the same exact life force, what makes us different?

We can point to a lot of surface things like the way we look and behave, but that doesn’t totally explain the one, unique thing that makes us individually different.

The Grasshopper answered my query when he said, “The light that shines from you is a particular hue.”

That color of light is what makes you, you.

The life/light force that animates us is the same, but it’s as though it’s shone through an individual prism that displays our internal light differently on the surface.

This light is deeper than personality. Personality, temperament, attitudes are all surface qualities. This light comes from a deeper place and it’s refracted differently through each one of us.

When we miss someone who goes out of our life, what are we truly missing? We miss their light – their unique hue that will never be replicated again.

The best of you is the light that shines through. It’s uniquely you, and no one who comes before or after you will display the same hue.

If you want to celebrate something, celebrate your hue. No one else can display it like you.

But before you get a broken arm patting yourself on the back, remember that you had nothing to do with this particular hue shining through. It was a gift given to only you.

The only way we occlude that light is by crowding it out with all sorts of surface modifiers. This blockage is usually the result of us attempting to be someone who we are not.

We are not our personality, our prejudices, our beliefs or our thinking. We are our light.

Recognize the light in you and others and make every effort to experience their hue. It will get you past the surface, and their depth will be in full view.

When you look for the light in everyone around you, what you will see is what the famed Psychiatrist/Hypnotherapist, Dr. Milton Erickson discovered – that every blade of grass is a different shade of green.

All the best,

John

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Have you ever felt that you were typecast? Me too!

It’s as though everyone knows you for the role you’ve been playing for years, but you want to break out and play a new character.

It’s as though we are The Ugly Duckling desiring to play the Black Swan. No one will take us seriously.

We make assorted efforts to break out of our role, but are met with rejection after rejection.

“You can’t do that because people won’t accept you in another role” is what we hear.

And we mainly hear it from ourselves.

Whatever our role – Mother, Father, Indian Chief – it once wasn’t who we are.

It’s a role we’ve learned to play and, truth be told, we’re damn good at it.

Along the way, we’ve convinced ourselves it is others holding us back from playing a new role, but if you look past the veil of circumstance, you’ll see the only person holding you back is you.

The main glue holding you in place is the IDEA of who you are.

Who we are is deeper than any single idea we have become. We are a giant cauldron of undreamed ideas and we can change into any of them quicker than Clark Kent becomes Superman.

Remember this: “I have no choice” is a choice.

We block our creativity when we buy into “our idea” being the only idea. It’s not. It’s one of many – too many to count.

Start getting comfortable with the idea that the role you are playing is only an idea. Once you have that realization, other possibilities begin to show themselves.

Our IDEA of who we are acts as a set of blinders to ever-present possibilities.

I’ll leave this idea with an old, anonymous quote.

“The only thing you have to give up to get what you want is the IDEA that you can’t have it.”

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper was showing his relevance this morning when he said, “What you believe is irrelevant to reality.”

Which of the following statements do you believe?

Nuclear power is safe.

Nuclear power is unsafe.

Your belief is irrelevant to what’s happening in Japan. That’s a reality impervious to your belief about it.

Your beliefs may turn out to be accurate on a particular topic, but their track record is paltry in matching up with reality with any regularity.

It’s an amazing feat to witness when we find ourselves defending our beliefs when there is an avalanche of evidence they aren’t working.

What is it that you believe that isn’t working for you?

Just look at what you profess that hasn’t born any fruit. Did you add the word “Yet” to that last sentence? You can believe it until the cows come home but the reality is you “Don’t Got Milk.”

Beliefs aren’t going away, so it’s in our best interest to manage them.

Just like with kitchen junk drawers, you have to clean them out from time to time. That takes some decision making and action on our part. It’s a two step process.

1. Recognize what beliefs just aren’t working for you.

2. Get rid of them.

Believe it or not, Step 1 is the harder of the two.

Recognizing what you believe isn’t working meets with lots of resistance. Denial is the main adversary you will encounter when assessing a belief for the trash heap. Your beliefs will kick and scream to remain relevant. It’s not that their argument is persuasive; it’s just non-stop. They will wear you down more often than they will convince you.

It’s the reason we don’t clean the overcrowded attic, basement, closet or crawl space. The fun house mirror logic goes like this: “You may need that lei your parents brought back from Hawaii in case you ever have a luau party.” The resistance keeps inertia in place. Your beliefs count on that.

It’s a hard admission to make that our beliefs are irrelevant, but look at the evidence.

Once you have full recognition of a belief that’s not working, it’s much easier to outgrow it because Step two automatically activates when your beliefs are seen in the light of day.

Reality doesn’t care what you believe because your beliefs have no bearing on what it offers up.

If you’d like to get better at recognizing reality, give up your belief that you know what’s going to happen next – then you’ll find out what really happens. Now that’s something you can believe in.

All the best,

John

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Here’s a question to ponder: “Can I ask of you something I’m unwilling to do?”

My answer is “Yes” if I’m paying you, otherwise it’s an inequity.

Life isn’t fair so we will experience lots of inequity, so how do we do our part to stop contributing to the collective pot?

Stopping begins when you notice you have started something.

You can begin by recognizing that you’ve started expecting things from others that you are unwilling to give them.

That produces inequity and inequity causes friction.

There is always a push-pull with another. This activity acts to bring us back towards balance. It’s a dynamic process that works rather well, until we expect to get without giving.

Consider the serial cheater. This is a person who has had multiple liaisons while married to another. Notice their reaction when they find out their mate has cheated but once. FRICTION!

They were unwilling to give loyalty but expect it in unequal measure from another.

I can’t ask of you that which I’m unwilling to do and truly expect cooperation. That relationship will come unglued and inequity will be at the center of the feud.

If you just went off in your head and counted the number of times inequity has happened to you, you have missed the lesson.

The lesson we can all pay more attention to is the answer we get to this question: “What is it I’m expecting from you that I’m unwilling to do?”

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper was up early this morning and had this to say: “You won’t succeed if you’re unwilling to fail.”

It seems life is a risky business where most of us are unwilling to take necessary risks.

Risk lives on a continuum between Evel Knievil and Shrinking Violet, and with all those choices we seem to hang out at Caspar Milquetoast‘s house.

I’ll admit risk taking was easier when I was younger, but with each passing year I get filled with more failure to fear.

That’s why we don’t risk; we are afraid of fear.

“Please God let me feel anything but fear.”

We’re born with fear; we’ll die with fear, yet we do rain dances to avoid something that’s with us as often as our thoughts.

Fear is a feeling we would be better served to embrace more often. It follows us around like a shadow so it only makes sense to stop and share a cool drink together.

Unwilling to fail is unwilling to fear. The success rate of that strategy is a failure.

I can’t tell you what I’m about to say next is true, but it sure feels that way.

It seems that the thing we fear most is not the thing we ascribe our fear to, but to the ridicule we envision encountering should we fail.

Ridicule is a fear worse than death.

So let’s play this out. We’re unwilling to risk because we’re unwilling to fail because we don’t want to feel the fear of what other people may think.

Here’s the hidden piece we don’t see: What people think of you will be the same whether you succeed or fail. Their mind was made up a long time ago, so avoiding something to escape their ridicule won’t change what they already think.

As my teacher, Dr. Dave Dobson used to say, “The ripe fruit is on the skinny branches.”

The only question left is: Are you willing to risk the fear of ridicule to get the luscious fruit?

And before you answer, consider this: The person whose ridicule you fear probably has you typecast as a rotten apple already.

Happy picking!

All the best,

John

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It seems we define who we are by what we’ve done or not done.

It’s a global illness that rarely gets better.

Blame it on the resume books, you know, the ones that teach you how to write the perfect resume. Follow the step-by-step instructions and your resume screams, “I
AM MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS!!!”

How sad.

I’m currently reading a book by a very successful man who can’t help touting his accomplishments. The book is accurate. He’s done everything he says he has done, but the underlying current suggests that he believes he is his accomplishments.

Just like the stage mother can never be the performer, you can never be your accomplishments.

Please take a bow for all your accomplishments; just don’t confuse them with who you are.

Generally speaking, someone continually touting their accomplishments has a self-image problem.

Have you ever had the experience of just meeting someone and five minutes later they’re telling you how much money they make. RED FLAG! This person believes they are their accomplishments and really don’t think too much of themselves, in spite of the bragging.

Their accomplishments are how they attempt to fill up the hole in their soul.

Accomplishments are wonderful and I believe that we are better served by pursuing them. What I know for sure is they are not who we are.

If you want to accomplish something to “Be somebody,” you’ve got the logic backwards. You are already somebody whether you accomplish what you go after or not.

The thrill of accomplishment is in the pursuit of it, not defining yourself by it.

Yes, there is a time and place to blow your own horn, just don’t get in the habit of playing reveille every morning.

It’s your creativity and actions that lead to accomplishment. That creative force is you, not what you create.

It will always feel like a hollow victory when you define yourself by your accomplishments. It will never be enough and you’ll seek to accomplish more in hopes of feeling fulfilled.

Fulfillment comes from allowing your creativity to flow into whatever you are attempting to accomplish, never from the accomplishment itself.

I have no doubt it feels great to get an Oscar on Academy Awards night, but it will pale in comparison to the creativity that was flowing through you while giving your award winning performance.

You are your creativity, never the reward.

I truly believe we contain enough creativity to accomplish anything and, in the same breath, we are so much more than the things we create.

All the best,

John

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Did you ever notice that some people are luckier than others? I count myself among the fortunate.

I believe we have shortchanged the Abraham Lincoln phrase, “You’re about as happy as you make up your mind to be.”

I think the word “Happy” can be replaced with any number of words and the wisdom remains the same.

“Lucky” is one of those words.

We tend to view lucky as a condition – finding a four leaf clover, winning the lottery, not waiting in line at the DMV. It’s more than that.

Luck is a mindset.

There are those that will tell you that you will attract what you think about most. I think it’s simpler than that.

I believe you attract more of what you are open to, not necessarily what you think about most.

When you are open to something, it’s as though you are putting a lookout in place to spot it anytime it shows up. It’s the lookout that alerts you to possibilities you may never see on your own.

This lookout is a mindset – a filter you put in place that searches for what you are looking for.

When you are open to luck, you are likely to see more of it come your way.

It’s like optimism. Optimism is a filter that takes off the blinders of limited thinking and alerts you to heretofore hidden possibilities.

Here’s a practice that will open you up to luck: Bless luck wherever you see it. It will get you into the mindset of seeing luck everywhere.

Being open to something is the quickest way I know to multiply the times you see that something show up in your life.

Psychology calls this phenomenon, “Selective Perception.”

When you selectively set your filter for luck, you open yourself up to its presence. The odds for luck showing up are much better than flipping a coin.

All the best,

John

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It seems that we can’t muster the three words that have connecting power because of embarrassment, misinterpretation or conditioning.

We all know the three words: “I Love You.”

Here’s a workaround for those who, for whatever reason, can’t let those three words fall off their lips.

The workaround is a mental action vs. a statement.

The action can be boiled down to three words as well: “I acknowledge you.”

We are a dismissive society and it seems we’re getting more so. We quickly dismiss those not like us. It’s a protection mechanism that we’ve learned. Notice that pre-school children don’t have cliques.

“I acknowledge you” begins by noticing the sameness in another. We may be different heights, widths, colors, and contain a boatload of different beliefs, but we all have the same basic needs and desires.

That’s the sameness we all contain. Acknowledge that.

Just that first step takes them off the demon list. It may never warm us up to their customs and habits but it will cool the fire that keeps us distant.

Begin to acknowledge all whom you meet. It breaks down barriers and allows a little love to flow into your heart.

Who knows, maybe the next step is having that love flow from your lips.

All the best,

John

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It occurs to me that our lives contain countless interruptions, so much so that they’re a part of life.

For example, just about every phone call you receive is an interruption of what you were doing before the phone rang.

Anytime someone unexpectedly walks into your cubicle, office or the room you’re in and seeks your attention, it’s an interruption.

The same is true for countless emails and texts.

And if you want to really know about interruptions, talk to the mother of small children.

Interruptions happen everywhere – in the supermarket, on a bus or train or plane. They even happen when a stranger says, “Good morning.”

I believe I’m speaking for more than myself when I say the word “Interruption” has a negative connotation.

I wonder what would happen if we redefined the word “interruption” and made it a synonym for “Opportunity.”

It would be an opportunity for us to experience life in a new way.

Interruptions are life’s way of tapping us on the shoulder and alerting us to new opportunities.

I realize this notion could be taken a bit far, especially if you decided to listen to the entire pitch of every telemarketer, even the recorded ones.

But many interruptions can be opportunities to reset ourselves to neutral and notice what the interruption has to offer.

Often we half listen to the interrupter as we attempt to continue doing what we were doing before they sought our attention. That scatters focus and waters down results.

I’m curious what would happen if we got in the practice of giving our full attention to an interruption.

My guess is, more often than not, we would be staring opportunity in the face.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper posed a question worth reflection this morning:

“What if your happiest moment is one you haven’t had yet?”

It’s certainly a question worth our curiosity because it removes any prejudice about happiness that keeps us looking for it in the past. More importantly, it opens our eyes to the possibility that it may be right in front of us now.

If you’re looking for a new way to start your day, ask yourself this:

“What if my happiest moment hasn’t happened yet?”

All the best,

John

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