A simple point of logic: A bridge between a lie and the truth is built with facts.

Facts are realities that are made of nondestructive material, yet we often won’t walk in their direction when someone is attempting to build a bridge between our illusion and the firm footing of reality.

We won’t cross that bridge because we fear what’s on the other side. It’s a bridge too far.

The worst person to get into an argument with is a true believer. These are people who ignore facts. When you present them with irrefutable proof, they ignore what you just showed them and move the goal post. In other words, each time you meet their burden of proof, they expand the criteria they need to be convinced. If you play their game, you are building a bridge to nowhere.

There is nothing scarier than walking away from your illusion. It’s a bubble bursting moment. Many of us won’t even take the first step and walk towards the edge. We deem our illusions as safe havens.

Reminds me of a story . . .

I remember being about 5 years old and playing hide-and-go-seek with a group of friends. My belief was that if I closed my eyes, they wouldn’t be able to see me. When they announced that they had found me, I refused to believe them and argued that if my eyes were closed, I couldn’t be seen.

Because I refuse to see doesn’t mean that others are blind.

Think of our safe haven in these terms: With the explosion of the internet, blogs and 24 hour cable news, there is lots of information available to us. If we pay attention only to our handful of computer bookmarks and only watch the Food Channel, we will starve ourselves of reality.

The reality we are truly afraid of is that the truth we’ve been defending is a lie.

Our cocoon keeps us sheltered from reality and the only way out is to bridge the gap towards the edge where more vistas can be seen.

Open your truth up to inspection and quit defending it. Truth doesn’t need a defense.

Once you quit using your energy to stay in the dark, you let in enough light to see the bridge to reality.

It’s not necessary to leap towards reality; that may be too jarring. One step at a time is all that’s necessary to move away from a confining illusion.

I’m not claiming that what’s been presented here is the full version of this reality strategy; just consider it the abridged edition.

All the best,

John

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We’ve heard enthusiastic people say that “Anything is possible,” and perhaps we scoffed. That’s because we deemed the probability of that possibility to be south of remote.

Speaking of remote, back in the 1930s there was a comic strip detective named, Dick Tracy who had a two-way radio wristwatch he used to contact police headquarters. What kid wouldn’t want one of those?

Toy companies made plastic replicas of that watch and sold them by the truckload to Dick Tracy dreamers.

The probability of a working model of that watch was next to impossible. I’m sure you’ve noticed that today’s technology makes that improbability obsolete.

What’s possible is based on what’s probable, and if our probability quotient is too low, odds are we won’t arrive at what’s possible.

Reminds me of a story . . .

I remember talking to a dearly departed friend back in the early 90s and we were lamenting about being stuck. It was your standard, run-of-the-mill, “piss and moan” conversation until I said, “You know what our problem is, Dick? We’ve stopped dreaming.”

What I discovered that day is that our notion of what’s probable has to increase before we can even think about doing the impossible.

Thomas Edison was a dreamer. You’re idiot brother-in-law is a dreamer. What’s the difference?

Your brother-in-law just piles one dream upon another and never takes action.

Dreaming is a way around the logic of statistics. A cynical logician may state, “If people waited until they had enough money to get married, there would be less divorce.” The lyrics from an old song aptly point out that dreamers forge ahead.

“Fools fall in love just like schoolgirls, blinded by rose colored dreams. They build their castles on wishes, with only rainbows for beams.”

Upon inspection, it seems the secret formula for achieving the impossible has little to do with statistics and more to do with dreaming past logic.

Increase your possibility quotient by taking some time to dream. Make “What if?” your daily mantra and “What step in that direction can I take now?” your daily action plan.

Finally, let me leave you with a dose of logic: It’s highly improbable that you’ll attain what’s possible if your dream machine has left the scene.

All the best,

John

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When you have the option of choosing, which of these do you choose: Good, Better or Best?

We all want the best, but the conundrum is: Sometimes better is better.

And if we are ever deemed the best, it’s quite an achievement worth taking a bow for, but don’t get frozen in that position or you will miss seeing what’s really going on.

Even though “Best” is a superlative term, it’s really comparative when we examine it in the light of day, because there is always somebody better, and that someone is often us.

It reminds me of a saying I use quite often: “You always do your best in accordance with your present level of awareness.”

For example, if you berated someone and made them feel insignificant, that was the best you could have done from the mindset you had at that moment. This knowledge won’t absolve you of the consequences for your actions, but, if applied, it will shine a light on a pathway to better your best.

How we improve is by becoming aware that our best can be better.

When we fine tune our awareness, the quality of our best automatically gets better.

This simply means to become aware of your reactions. Notice that some stimulus gets the same reaction every time. That reaction becomes the best we can do until we notice there are some better choices.

How we find better choices is by interrupting our best reaction.

When you “throw in the clutch” you can shift into a different gear, one that’s better suited for the situation at hand. But to shift into a new gear, you have to, first, be aware that the gear you’re in isn’t working.

Take a moment and mentally review your standard reactions and see how they are working for you. They are on automatic pilot and just kick into gear when presented with a certain stimulus. You won’t be able to control all the stimuli you encounter in life, but you sure have a choice when it comes to your reactions.

My mother used to say, “It only costs 10 cents more to go first class.” If you want to make better choices, there is a small price to pay – become aware that your best isn’t good enough.

All the best,

John

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Funerals are sad and tombstones can be sadder.

Here’s an idea for a best-selling book that I’ll never write but I know would sell – “Sad Tombstones.”

Here is just one inscription to get you started – “I Never Lost An Argument.”

It’s a fact that people argue; it’s problematic when it becomes a way of life.

The book, “Ishmael” gave me one of my favorite quotes on the subject: “There is no argument that will end the argument.”

The Grasshopper popped out of my Easter Basket yesterday and left this rhetorical question right next to the marshmallow peeps: “Are you more interested in winning an argument or saving a relationship?”

What do you win when you win an argument?

You cannot fact someone into submission because as someone once said, “You cannot legislate emotions.”

And with all this factual information available, we continue to argue.

Here is a useful observation: Ask yourself this: “How often do I argue?”

The reason it’s useful is in the noticing. If you begin to notice that your life is a series of arguments, you have just discovered the secret to curb that which wins you battles and loses wars.

Noticing your penchant to win the debate gives you just enough of a pause to interrupt the argument and focus rather on how you are relating.

Arguments are surface structures that lack the depth in relating to another.

If you are constantly arguing with someone, your relationship lacks depth and you are deep sixing any chance you have of relating in a fulfilling way.

The upside of arguments is that they can clear the air, but if the air has to be cleaned consistently, start to notice that you’re living in a polluted environment.

If you’re main objective is to argue and win, become a trial lawyer.

Begin to notice how arguing gets in the way of relating and you can write your own epitaph: “My life was filled with peaceful moments.”

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper had an interesting observation this morning. He said, “The only natural deadline is death.”

I got curious about the meaning and this is what I arrived at: All other deadlines are manmade.

Deadlines are created by man, so therefore, by their nature, they are arbitrary.

Now if you took this too literally, you would miss a lot of buses, trains and planes, not to mention the latest episode of “The Biggest Loser.”

The setting of personal deadlines is an everyday occurrence. The question is: “Do we really need so many?”

Deadlines, by their nature, can be focusing agents. Think of April 15^th as an example.

When we self-impose so many personal deadlines, do we scatter our focus? I believe so.

When we scatter our focus, we get watered down results and take out an insurance policy for mediocrity.

Too many deadlines make us like the stereotypical reporter in a movie. We live on coffee and doughnuts, are constantly stressed, and all our deadlines take on the weight of The Sword of Damocles.

We fail to prioritize our deadlines and they sit there as one big threat to our personal time and well being.

As a society, we are overscheduled and over-deadlined.

What’s missing is scheduling time for us.

Deadlines will not go away, but more of them can be met if we would just take a moment to breathe. And by breathe, I mean recharge.

Recharging is the missing piece in successfully meeting more deadlines.

Recharging is making time to regroup your resources. If you attack your deadlines with scattered resources you will deliver scattered results.

All deadlines are not equal. There is a hierarchy. Isolate the one that’s most important and work your plan. Then take a break before going on to the next.

“I don’t have time for a break” may be your response. What you are missing from that angle of view is that anything you do from that mindset will be subpar and taxing to your well being. You insure that the next thing on your list won’t get the proper attention.

If you don’t slow yourself down, nature will. It will send you a situation that mandates that you slow down – a malady, a disease, a condition, that will force you to focus all your attention on recovering. Your only deadline at that point will be staying alive.

Recharging has two benefits:

1. You’ll successfully meet more deadlines.
2. You’ll live longer.

This is a promise: If you put recharging on your list of deadlines, you’ll uncover the scoop of the century.

All the best,

John

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One of the most powerful word combinations we can use is: “I’m sorry.”

A story that illustrates that power happened a few years back. A study was conducted with people who were medically wronged. The main finding was this: They didn’t want compensation as much as they wanted an apology.

The research found that when surgeons made an obvious mistake in surgery, the monetary damages they paid were lessened substantially when they apologized for their mistake.

We think of “I’m Sorry” mainly as an apology for something we’ve done to offend or hurt another. It has another powerful combination that isn’t used that often – “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you” is an acknowledging, empathetic phrase that doesn’t get enough work.

When something goes awry with someone and they are having a difficult time with it, with our helping hand, we tend to dig for the information of why it happened or attempt to forge ahead using some other problem solving approach.

We may initially respond with surprise or astonishment to their news, but rarely do we acknowledge sorrow for what happened to them. We seem to think the person knows what happened and now it’s time to fix it.

I can tell you from personal and professional experience that the phrase, “I’m sorry that happened to you” contains empathetic magic.

People need their situation acknowledged first with empathy.

People will pay attention to more of what you have to offer in the way of help if you first offer empathy.

Businesses are the worst offenders. Here is a typical, abbreviated exchange of emails between a customer and a business:

Customer: “I’m writing to let you know that the product I ordered from your company arrived broken. You people ought to ship with more padding to make sure that doesn’t happen. What do I have to do to get a working model?”

Business: “We use #6 padding on all our products and have very few reports of breakage. We will ship you another to replace the broken model. You should see it arrive within 5 business days.”

The customer will get a working model either way, but their feeling about the error will be lessened if they feel you are empathetic. That may be the deciding factor about doing repeat business with you.

When people are going through personal traumas, the empathic glue is “I’m sorry that happened to you.” They may want to hear that your sister had the same problem, but not first. They need empathetic acknowledgement before they can process anything else.

If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. We all have BS detectors that will sniff out insincerity in a heartbeat.

This is just a reminder to offer empathy first. It will help another transition more quickly from where they are to a place of healing.

I can’t claim that this is true, only suggesting that you give consideration to: “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

All the best,

John

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How psychic are you?

It’s my experience that most of us experience the “Psychic” thing too often to make these incidents mere coincidence.

We call this phenomenon a variety of names: Intuition, a sixth sense, a gut feeling, a hunch, a lucky guess, instinct and premonition are just some of the descriptors that come to mind.

We also have another sensation that dresses up and pretends to be psychic. It’s called a nagging fear.

We believe that because this fear keeps gnawing at us that it must be a premonition. This belief causes us to filter our experiences through a very dark lens.

So how do we tell the difference between a premonition and a fear?

A premonition won’t nag you.

It’s a one-time thing. It happens in the blink of an eye and it’s all inclusive, meaning it doesn’t arrive piecemeal.

Fear comes back more often than a bad penny.

If your fears are keeping you awake at night you can rest easy that they aren’t premonitions.

Premonitions are more time efficient and don’t chew their cabbage twice.

Can you think of a time when something came to you out of the blue? Notice it didn’t have a preamble or an epilogue; it just arrived.

Nagging fear reminds me of the inscription on the tombstone of the hypochondriac who lived to be 99: “See, I told you so.”

Nagging fears will continue to knock on our door. The trick is to notice that it isn’t Halloween and treat them as the imposters they are.

When you take the time to notice a nagging fear for what it is, it will dispel the myth that it’s a premonition.

You’ll never talk yourself into a psychic experience or out of fear, but if you notice the difference between the two, you give ominous fear less of an opportunity to take hold of you.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper dropped this on my laptop this morning: “What I don’t like about you tells me more about me than it does about you.”

Likes, dislikes and preferences are telltale signs of our conditioning. Many of the things we dislike are the same things our parents or other social conditioners didn’t like.

Anytime we align with a group that thinks a certain way, our conditioning has joined a club. Chances are you’ll dislike many of the same things.

When we continually shine a spotlight on another’s shortcomings, we miss the obvious: We only shine that light in one direction – Outward.

What we hide by standing behind that spotlight, is the part of us we believe is just like them.

What you don’t like about another reflects what you don’t like about yourself.

This is hard to swallow at first bite.

“I hate murderers” doesn’t mean you are a murderer; it may mean you fear there is a part of you capable of murder. The likelihood of you committing that act sits right next to zero, but so do many other fears.

If you get caught up in the one-way spotlight game, you’ll never discover your underlying fear that you, too, are terribly flawed which drives your dislikes.

Not knowing what you’re afraid of keeps you scared.

The next time a strong dislike surfaces, do a self inquiry. Ask yourself if there is a part of you that fears being like that. My sense is that you’ll discover a part of you that you never knew existed.

Once that part of you is brought to light, it begins to lose its power over you. You have one less fear to drive your dislikes, and perhaps you’ll seek out in others that worth liking.

I’m not proposing a movement here, just a personal inspection from time to time. The more you find out about your conditioned fears, the more you’ll begin to like yourself. And the more you like yourself, the less likely you are to automatically dislike.

Here’s a revealing exercise to do right now: Quickly list five things that you like or dislike.

If you came up with more dislikes than likes, here’s the good news: You’ve just made a discovery about you that’s worth some time in the spotlight.

All the best,

John

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There is a difference between being nosey and being curious. One leads to the land of “None of Your Business” and the other lights a path to new learning.

Nosey is putting your attention where it’s not welcome; curious has an open door policy.

Curious leads you to wondering about options that will move you forward; nosey just takes you back to the landfill for another pile of dirt.

Curiosity will solve more dilemmas than nosey will ever sniff.

Curiosity leads to creativity; nosey just confirms what you already believe.

To that end, I have compiled a group of quotes that will get you curious. They’re FREE!

So as not to overload you with curiosity, I’ve arranged for one new quote that gets you curious to be delivered to your email inbox each weekday.

These quotes are thought starters, just a few words of perspective to reflect on.

Unlike the quotes that People Magazine or The National Enquirer dish out, these quotes will take you inward. They’re all about you and what you can do.

It’s easy to sign up for them. Just go to the home page of http://johnmorganseminars.com and fill in your email address in the space provided, and you’re on your way to getting a quote that will get you curious each weekday.

It’s not my intention to be nosey, but I’m wondering how soon you’ll be curious enough to sign up for “Quotes That Get You Curious.”

All the best,

John

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I believe the art of persuasion is not getting someone to do something they don’t want, but, rather, getting them to do something they do want to do.

Persuading someone through coercion will always have consequences, but softly nudging them where they want to go pays mutual dividends.

I just saw a great example of this in an episode of Live From Daryl’s House that I just watched.

Singer, songwriter, Daryl Hall
of Hall and Oates fame has a show online where he invites legendary performers into his home studio and they jam. He was hosting one of his, and my boyhood idols, Smokey Robinson.

The story goes that Hall wanted to sing “Ooh Baby Baby” with Smokey (a lifelong dream), but for whatever reason Smokey said he didn’t want to sing that song. A personal aside: I believe that’s tantamount to not wanting to sing the praises of one of your children. Apparently, Hall felt the same way. Watch the link below as he “persuades” Smokey to sing the duet.

http://www.livefromdarylshouse.com/currentep.html?ep_id=53

If you’re successful in getting someone to do what they don’t want to do, you will experience buyer’s remorse.

If you’re successful in getting them to do what they do want to do, the harmony you help create is the most artful use of persuasion.

Nudging someone in the direction you both want to go is my definition of “Persuasion.”

How do you know if you’re persuading or coercing? It’s simple: If your only outcome is to get someone to do your bidding, it’s coercion. “My way or the highway” comes to mind.

It’s persuasion when you sense that there is subtle consent that will lead to mutual benefit. If you misread the subtle consent, a stop sign will present itself. If you choose to go through it, you’ll be ticketed for coercion.

Learning the art of persuasion begins by not attempting to force something down someone’s throat.

All the best,

John

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