The Grasshopper dropped this on my laptop this morning: “What I don’t like about you tells me more about me than it does about you.”

Likes, dislikes and preferences are telltale signs of our conditioning. Many of the things we dislike are the same things our parents or other social conditioners didn’t like.

Anytime we align with a group that thinks a certain way, our conditioning has joined a club. Chances are you’ll dislike many of the same things.

When we continually shine a spotlight on another’s shortcomings, we miss the obvious: We only shine that light in one direction – Outward.

What we hide by standing behind that spotlight, is the part of us we believe is just like them.

What you don’t like about another reflects what you don’t like about yourself.

This is hard to swallow at first bite.

“I hate murderers” doesn’t mean you are a murderer; it may mean you fear there is a part of you capable of murder. The likelihood of you committing that act sits right next to zero, but so do many other fears.

If you get caught up in the one-way spotlight game, you’ll never discover your underlying fear that you, too, are terribly flawed which drives your dislikes.

Not knowing what you’re afraid of keeps you scared.

The next time a strong dislike surfaces, do a self inquiry. Ask yourself if there is a part of you that fears being like that. My sense is that you’ll discover a part of you that you never knew existed.

Once that part of you is brought to light, it begins to lose its power over you. You have one less fear to drive your dislikes, and perhaps you’ll seek out in others that worth liking.

I’m not proposing a movement here, just a personal inspection from time to time. The more you find out about your conditioned fears, the more you’ll begin to like yourself. And the more you like yourself, the less likely you are to automatically dislike.

Here’s a revealing exercise to do right now: Quickly list five things that you like or dislike.

If you came up with more dislikes than likes, here’s the good news: You’ve just made a discovery about you that’s worth some time in the spotlight.

All the best,

John

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