I believe the art of persuasion is not getting someone to do something they don’t want, but, rather, getting them to do something they do want to do.

Persuading someone through coercion will always have consequences, but softly nudging them where they want to go pays mutual dividends.

I just saw a great example of this in an episode of Live From Daryl’s House that I just watched.

Singer, songwriter, Daryl Hall
of Hall and Oates fame has a show online where he invites legendary performers into his home studio and they jam. He was hosting one of his, and my boyhood idols, Smokey Robinson.

The story goes that Hall wanted to sing “Ooh Baby Baby” with Smokey (a lifelong dream), but for whatever reason Smokey said he didn’t want to sing that song. A personal aside: I believe that’s tantamount to not wanting to sing the praises of one of your children. Apparently, Hall felt the same way. Watch the link below as he “persuades” Smokey to sing the duet.

http://www.livefromdarylshouse.com/currentep.html?ep_id=53

If you’re successful in getting someone to do what they don’t want to do, you will experience buyer’s remorse.

If you’re successful in getting them to do what they do want to do, the harmony you help create is the most artful use of persuasion.

Nudging someone in the direction you both want to go is my definition of “Persuasion.”

How do you know if you’re persuading or coercing? It’s simple: If your only outcome is to get someone to do your bidding, it’s coercion. “My way or the highway” comes to mind.

It’s persuasion when you sense that there is subtle consent that will lead to mutual benefit. If you misread the subtle consent, a stop sign will present itself. If you choose to go through it, you’ll be ticketed for coercion.

Learning the art of persuasion begins by not attempting to force something down someone’s throat.

All the best,

John

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