If the tallest person feels the raindrop first, who’s the first person to tell when your life isn’t working? It often isn’t you.

We get so caught up in the events of our lives that we neglect to reflect. It’s usually someone else who holds a mirror to our face. The difficulty then becomes that we deny it’s us in the mirror, and the person who held it up becomes the enemy.

Just like most people don’t recognize their own voice when they first hear a recording of it, we don’t see the obstacles we put in our own way.

We falsely conclude our nemesis is circumstance. It rarely is.

My friend Hali recently went to a Carolyn Myss workshop and Ms. Myss said something like this: “To tell the truth, you have to be willing to be hated.”

That’s a risk most people won’t take, and when they do, they feel the rage of revulsion.

Parents are keen in spotting the foibles of their children. There’s good reason. They got to watch them develop, they have an interest in their well-being and, through experience, have cataloged their patterned way of doing things. Just notice how oppositional you are to what your parents say about you. Talk to a therapist and ask them how many patients have issues with Mom or Dad.

Mom or Dad often knows more about you than you’re willing to admit – thus the friction.

It also works in reverse. What parent wants to hear the truth from their child? Often the child remains a child in the parents mind, not matter what their age and just aren’t capable, or entitled, to tell the parent the truth. More denial and more repulsion ensue.

It’s hard to hear the truth. It’s so hard for some that they deny it exists.

What truths are you denying and who are you holding accountable for telling these dastardly lies about you? It’s time to let the other person off the hook and take a long hard look – at yourself.

Since it’s so hard to do, begin with a fantasy. Pretend for a moment that what you’ve heard from another countless times is true. After you get over the shock that you aren’t as pretty as you thought, ask yourself, “How am I going to address this?”

Hint: It’s not a fantasy.

It takes courage to hold up a mirror and even more courage to look directly into it. The Grasshopper said it best – “The mirror has no agenda.”

You owe a debt of gratitude to those brave enough to endure your wrath and show you you. Their love is rarely recognized and your acknowledgement is long overdue.

All the best,

John

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