“It’s tough to help someone if you think they need fixing.” So said The Grasshopper even before the sun came up this morning.

Sometimes we get so focused on the flaw that we ignore the fact that people aren’t broken, just conditioned.

When the flaw is our only focus, we blind ourselves to peoples’ vast reservoir of resources that will help them recondition themselves.

It’s not our job to point out the obvious; it’s better to point someone in the direction of noticing what they haven’t noticed – their ability to retool on their own.

My mentor, Dr. Dave Dobson often said, “People are their own best therapists.” They just need a helping hand to find what’s hidden in plain sight.

The notion of being broken is something we borrow from Newtonian Physics (mechanical view) and the medical model. Everything is treated like a broken leg – set it and forget it.

We use a one size fits all formula that misses the mark all too often.

We all serve as people helpers whether it’s our occupation or not. Where we drop the ball is focusing on flaws rather than on resources.

The thinking goes like this: Flaws suggest imperfections and imperfections need fixing. When we let our prejudice of what their perceived flaw is be our guide, we negate our ability to lead them where they need to go because, at that point, we are both in the dark.

When we reframe our view of flaws as just being off course, we remove our bias and blinders about the person, and can see clearly in which direction to point them.

You can’t help a flawed person because the flaw is s concrete block in your mind and it stands in the way of you being helpful.

The more disdain you have for the “flaw,” the less likely you are to help.

Moon rockets are off course 90% of the time. They are not flawed; they are self correcting – just as we are.

Point people to their perfection and they’ll solve their own problems.

Here’s a big secret: People already know what’s wrong with them. They don’t need our help in pointing out the obvious. What they need from us is a willingness not to judge their off course conditioning. This willingness opens our eyes to previously unlighted paths to suggest they walk down.

Remember this: A fly in the ointment is still a fly, not a remedy.

People don’t need fixing; they need finding.

They need to find the resources they already have, not another version of what’s wrong with them.

All the best,

John

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