Clinging to the Surface
It seems to me that our default reaction is to cling to what we know even though there is a preponderance of evidence that it’s not working. This has a new name for me – “Clinging to the Surface.”
We get lots of invitations during our life but none more valuable than the invitation to go deeper. We scratch and claw to stay on the surface and the feeling we come away with after ignoring the invitation is empty.
Going deeper isn’t talking about or contemplating “deep” topics; it’s more about digging deeper than your conditioned reactions. When you are involved in an interaction with someone clinging to the surface, you are at a “Pat Answer Party.” It’s a conversation that goes nowhere new. You can predict what the other person is going to say, so nothing new or deeper comes from that encounter.
You spent your time reading a rehearsed script rather than engaging in improv. It’s the reason that most sales people are seen in a less than flattering light. The ones who toss the script away and take the time to respond vs. react to you go deeper with you, and as a result have “deeper pockets,” meaning they make more money.
Just gauge your feelings the next time you get a recorded phone call or one from a telemarketer reading a script. It’s a surface clinging experience with no opportunity to go deeper.
You can attempt to go deeper with everyone you meet. Just toss away your rehearsed reactions and dig deeper for a response that takes you somewhere new. It can be a learning experience for both of you.
Many people won’t accept your invitation. They’ll cling to the surface for dear life, never realizing that they’re going around in circles. You’ll eventually find yourself avoiding these people. The term “shallow” comes to mind.
I occasionally taste and enjoy the empty calories of cotton candy at the fairgrounds, but a steady diet of interacting with a “circus barker” leaves me feeling empty.
We can only offer an invitation. It starts by you coming off of automatic pilot and watching where it goes. The benefit to going deeper is that you learn something new, not only about them, but about you.
All the best,
John
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