Sacrificial Lambs
The Grasshopper was long-winded the other day when he needed two breaths to utter this: “Scapegoats are the sacrificial lambs we send out to avoid responsibility for our feelings.”
Once you add “because” to the sentence, “I feel this way” you are offering up a sacrificial lamb as the cause of your feelings.
The sentence structure goes something like this: “I feel this way because you or someone did X.” Whatever “X” is becomes the scapegoat for our feelings.
When you can just express “I feel this way,” and put a period after the word “way,” you are on your way to owning your own feelings.
Ownership of our feelings brings us back to the moment; assigning them to someone or something else, takes us away.
“I’m feeling sad” is being in touch with your sadness. “I’m feeling sad because . . .” attempts to make the feeling belong somewhere else. Each time we negate responsibility for how we are feeling, we keep that feeling knocking on our door until we let it in and give it the attention it requires.
Each time you scapegoat a feeling, it gets stronger and becomes harder to deal with.
It’s worth practicing some new grammar by putting periods after stating how you feel. It keeps the feeling close to home where it can be acknowledged and metabolized, not continually kicking in the door attempting to terrorize.
Try it on for size. “I feel (fill in the blank).” There are no additional words needed after the period. Just sit with your feeling and let it be there as long as it needs. My experience is that it lessens in intensity when acknowledged in this way rather than coming back stronger another day.
When you get more proficient with this practice, the phrase “In like a lion, out like a lamb” will take on a whole new meaning for you.
All the best,
John
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