I’ve heard it said that self absorption and selfishness is a distinction without a difference. I totally disagree.

In my experience, I have come across many unselfish people who are self absorbed. Their main attention is on themselves but many of their unselfish acts deliberately benefit others.

What is the difference?

Selfishness is about the lion’s share of the benefits coming to you; self absorption is about having most of the attention coming your way.

Self absorbed people don’t let their attention come out to play too often; they believe their unselfish acts are all the attention that others need. It’s a fairy tale that many of us have lived or continue to live.

The commodity that everyone is looking for is attention and there is no physical substitute. No artificial sweeteners need apply.

How many times have you heard it said by someone that they do so much for other people and don’t get any recognition for it? My suspicion is the complaining party is unselfish and self-absorbed.

They may reach into their pocket but they keep their attention locked up. It reminds me of an expression my mother, a lifelong waitress, used to use about people who were “cheap.” She would say, “He still has his recess money.”

Hoarding your attention is as harmful as hoarding your money. The underlying fear seems to be that there isn’t enough to go around, so I’ll hang onto all I can get.

My experience is that when you give attention it begins a process of flow where what you give away comes back to you, oftentimes in greater measure. There are many who make the same claim about money.

There is only one way to prove the theories. Test them out.

If you are lacking attention, give some away. The same experiment can be done with money. If you’re short on cash, give some away and see what happens. You may have to do it more than once to get the flow going, but I believe you’ll discover the harvest is worth the effort.

Unlock your attention today and spread it around. It’s totally unselfish and it will replenish itself like in the parable of the loaves and fishes.

All the best,

John

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