- Thoughts for inspired living

August 4, 2009


Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 9:12 am

Here’s a new concept on enemies – You’ll always have them.

One thing we learned from the three movies that made up THE GODFATHER Trilogy is this: After you wipe out all of your enemies, there will be new ones waiting on the horizon.

An old remedy works in this situation – If you can’t beat them, join them.

Many people treat their patterns of behavior as enemies. For example, people who can’t lose weight, treat their body as an enemy. It’s a “me against them” strategy that rarely works, and when it does, it’s short-lived, like the results of a new diet.

Your patterns of behavior are not enemies – just parts of you that aren’t working anymore. If you ever examined one of these patterned behaviors more closely, you would recognize that it was formed for a purpose – a purpose that was in your best interest at the time.

Reminds me of a story I tell at my seminars . . .

I had a client years ago who was afraid of the water. Her husband was doing well and wanted to buy a summer home on the beach for the family to enjoy. She objected due to her deathly fear of water. It seems that when she was a few years old, her brother pushed her into a wave and she went under, swallowed a mouthful of water, and from that point forward she was visibly shaken at the mere thought of the ocean.

She had sought out several forms of counseling to help her over this hump but was unsuccessful in diluting this fear. When we met, I listened to her story which was well documented and then pointed out what a wonderful thing her mind did for her. It protected her from further harm by exhibiting fear and keeping her away from the ocean.

I commiserated about how fearful it must have been for a little girl to experience such an event. I also pointed out that she had grown since then into an older, wiser person. The difficulty is her pattern hadn’t grown up. It was still responding as though she was a little girl. It was still protecting her from the big, bad ocean.

The pattern was perceived as an enemy and we turned it into a friend by letting her know it was acting in her best interest at the time. Now our job was to update the pattern so that it served her best interests, today. This reframing of events was the jump off point for our session which was very productive.

She consented to buying the beach house and reported enjoying her new found freedom in and around the water.

She could have kept this pattern as an enemy her whole life and would have paid a price for doing so. We all pay a price by treating our behaviors as enemies. They were formed for a purpose, a purpose we may not be able to figure out, but nevertheless our patterns are purposeful.

If you use “once purposeful” as a jump off point, it’s much easier to let go of the resistance we have towards our behaviors. This approach frees up the energy we used to use fighting our behaviors so it can be used as a catalyst for updating them.

It’s a tiny little shift in focus that turns enemies into friends. I wonder how soon you can make a new friend.

All the best,



Be Sociable, Share!