My one time brother-in-law was in the insurance industry. He said they had a saying about experience. When some people tell you they have 25 years of insurance experience, it may mean they’ve been in the business for 25 years, but have repeated their first year over and over again. They don’t grow.

Do you experience the same results all the time?

That can be a wonderful experience when baking your award winning, clamored for lemon meringue pie. Yet an experience may not be so glorious if you’re pulling the plaster out of your hair after beating your head against the wall about something that continually crashes and burns.

What is your experience?

Your continued experience is a result of your behavior, conscious or otherwise.

Many people divorce their experience from their behavior by removing the “I.” They treat their recurring misfortune as though it’s pure circumstance that they had nothing to do with. There is always some form of the question, “Why does this always happen to me?”

A more incisive question would be, “What am I doing to cause this repeated experience?”

There’s a trail of breadcrumbs to follow if you’re willing to look and they all lead back to you.

This self inspection strategy is rarely taken because it is often painful to open your eyes to the light after living in darkness for so long. Your eyes will adjust but they first have to be pointed in the direction of the light.

It’s not a pleasant experience when someone else shines a light on our behavior. That’s rarely rewarding because we shade our eyes and engage in argument and denial. It’s a lot tougher to ignore your own spotlight because you know you’re only BS-ing yourself – sort of like cheating at Solitaire.

A strategy to use is to pretend that your continuing, undesirable experience has nothing to do with something or someone “out there.” (Hint: You won’t be pretending). Then put the “I” back into the equation. Muse on the question, “What am I doing to cause this repeated experience?” The answer will lead you to some patterned behavior that may have been living underground for a long time.

When you make the unconscious conscious, get ready for a burst of light that will lead you out of your cave.

I’ll leave you with a question a Jimi Hendrix album posed over 40 years ago: “Are you experienced?”

All the best,

John

I am often asked in my capacity as a hypnotist, “Why can’t I stick with something?” The follow up report people give on their behavior goes something like this: “I was doing real well but then I got to a roadblock and tapered off and quit.”

One answer to this question came from The Grasshopper. He said, “You committed to something for a reason other than you wanted to.”

You will always have hit and miss results when you have resistance as your foundation. Yes, there is the old stiff upper lip work ethic that will get you through from time to time, but even that shuts down when it comes to certain commitments.

So this brings up two more questions:

1. How do I not commit?
2. How do I follow through on something undesirable, yet necessary?

The answer to the first question is HONESTY. How many people give an answer in order to please another, yet knowing by their own personal history that they will disappoint?

What they never consider is the payment is always bigger on the back end versus the front end. The time to be honest is up front. It saves tons of disappointment and builds more solid and dependable relationships.

The pain of being honest is always exponentially less than the hurt disappointment delivers.

Most have had experience with a workman, employer, employee, family member, friend or spouse who promises everything and delivers on few. Let their actions act as a reminder to be honest the next time you are considering committing to something for a reason other than you want to.

An answer to the second question is FRAME OF MIND. You have to create the frame of mind that will support your necessary commitment. Remember a building is only as solid as its frame.

Here’s an exercise that will be helpful:

Mentally draw a line on the floor. The left end of the line represents Zero percent. The right end of the line represents 100%. Now physically put yourself at the position on the line that represents your current percentage of commitment to the project at hand.

Let’s suppose that you put yourself at 45% committed. Then, shift your position to a lesser percentage, say 25% and notice the feeling you get in your body. Notice the difference in your body between being 45% committed and being 25% committed.

Next, shift from 25% to 75% and again notice how different your body feels at 75% than it did at 25%. Then begin experimenting at the extremes – Zero % and 100%. Each time notice the feeling in your body that corresponds with your current percentage.

Once you practice this exercise a little, you will prove to yourself that you can access the feelings and frame of mind necessary for any percentage. So just before you go to do the necessary thing you have committed to, shift your frame of mind to a more workable percentage.

This works for more than commitment. If you need more confidence, play with the percentages. If you need more patience, play with the percentages. Find your own uses for this amazing exercise.

I wish I had come up with this idea on my own but it is part of the REFERENCES strategy that Jerry Stocking teaches. I am forever grateful for learning about references. You will be too.

All the best,

John

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