Part of the plan to welcome something new into your life is making room for it.

Those who have children have experience with this phenomenon.

Making room, initially, is not a painless practice, just a necessary one. That which you make room for makes you roomier.

Making room engages your flexibility, and as the old adage goes, “The more flexible you are, the more you win.”

In politics, making room is known as the “Big Tent” – making room for people in your club who have divergent views.

If you are satisfied with what you have now – relationships, health, possessions, knowledge, attitude, etc. – you have already mastered making room. If you are lacking in any of those areas, making room is the skill you’ll want to get curious about and develop.

If you are “set in your ways,” it’s more difficult to make room.

“Set in your ways” is another way of saying that you’ve been conditioned to the “rightness” of your way. The biggest difficulty I’ve experience with that point of view is that it’s very pointed and keeps people away. That means there are fewer folks to make room for because not many are willing to risk getting stabbed that often.

The biggest kept secret from those unwilling to make room is that we get what we want in life from other people. If you don’t make room for them, you are left alone with, as The Beatles called it, your “Nowhere Plans.”

Making room is an acquired taste for many. It takes practice. Like all treks in life, it begins with small steps. Condition yourself to engage your flexibility and make room for something small at first, and then continue to stretch that muscle.

After repeated practice, you’ll develop a sense of what’s worth making room for and what’s too big to fit in your tent.

Caution: If you only do this exercise in your head, you’ll never own the experience of stretching out and you’ll have no space for something new.

Making room is a redecorating project worthy of being featured on the DIY Network.

When you open a space for something new, you open yourself up to more of life’s gifts.

Who wants to be the next person to tear down a wall?

All the best,

John

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It was a weekend of celebration. My grandson graduated from high school. It was one of life’s milestones. We all attended the ceremony and a grand party in his honor.

It struck me that the word “Milestone” is not far off from the spelling of “Millstone,” and I got to wondering how the two were related.

It seems when some people hit certain milestones, they become a millstone around their neck. I don’t believe there is any bigger one than age.

The number of people who go into stark depression when approaching a “magic” birthday is a pandemic.

You have to love the advertising community. They, long ago, picked up on this phenomenon and have given us such memorable trinkets as “over the hill” greeting cards and T-shirts.

The saddest thing is that we have put the millstone around our own neck by treating a milestone with disrespect.

Celebrate your years here. Taking time to dread a milestone decreases the vibrancy that’s always available to you at any age.

By the way, there is nothing you can do about your actual age except lie about it.

The accent is always on the wrong syllable when you dwell on age.

As I’ve mentioned before, the life force that animates you never ages. It’s to be celebrated and cherished every day.

When I see someone who’s depressed about their age, I know I’m dealing with someone who hasn’t explored their depth. A millstone will drag you down, but it will never take you deeper.

This is a reminder to put the millstones and the grindstones away so you stop working so hard against yourself.

Happy Birthday!

All the best,

John

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You’ve seen the trademarked logo “Life is Good” on t-shirts, ball caps, mugs, window stickers, wheel covers and thongs.

You may have also heard the phrase, “Life sucks and then you die.”

Both phrases have their supporters and my experience is you will easily switch sides depending on what kind of day it is.

Therein lies the difficulty – Circumstance.

I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from philosopher, James Allen: “Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him.”

If your life is dependent upon circumstance, you have nothing you can depend on because circumstance changes direction like the wind.

Many people are waiting for circumstances to line up like the perfect storm before they decide to live. Their life is on hold until life gets good again.

That’s sort of like asking the stove to give you heat without supplying it with any fuel.

Circumstance is another word for reality. You’re never going to get reality to perform in your circus like a trained seal. You’re going to have to honk that horn yourself.

That means you need to learn how to sail through life. Notice that sail boat pilots move their boat no matter which way the wind is blowing. Yes, when circumstances are more favorable, they will move faster, but they will move regardless of circumstance.

Action is the remedy to get out from having circumstance dictate what direction you will go.

Taking action is responding to the reality and circumstances of life.

Frankly, life isn’t good or bad; it just is. What is happening now is happening now. There is no spin that changes that circumstance.

Spinning is a head game; action is a movement game.

When you choose a response to circumstance, you are taking action on which direction you decide to go. When you have the winds of change blow you all over the map, you’re allowing the circumstances to determine your destination.

What James Allen was writing about in the 1800s was that circumstance reveals your patterned way of doing things. If you put pressure on someone, they will show you their conditioned patterns. They will react the same way every time – a victim of circumstance.

When you choose a response to circumstance, you get to move in a different direction – one in which life’s goodness isn’t dependent on circumstances.

All the best,

John

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Here is one of life’s lessons: When you are too quick to offer your opinion, you may be in for a painful, protracted conversation that consumes not only time but your energy as well. Perhaps a story would be helpful . . .

I went to get a haircut the other day and was engaged in conversation by an older woman. I was reading through a magazine and out of nowhere she says, “What do you think about BP?”

Having done a radio talk show in the past, I was used to giving my opinion on a number of topics but this time was different. I said to her, “I have lots of thoughts about BP and the oil spill, what specifically would you like to know?” She said, “What do you think about their responsibility?” I was ready to launch into my answer when all of a sudden these words left my mouth, “What do you think?”

She offered a detailed, well thought out, summary of the facts and her response to them. I offered a few opinions of my own and it was a pleasant, engaging conversation. It could have been the conversation from hell, but I was saved from the fire and brimstone by asking one revealing question: “What do you think?”

Here’s the lesson I learned: When you are about to engage in conversation with someone on a specific topic, it’s in both of your interests to assess their level of knowledge and angle of approach before you decide to commit.

“What do you think?” helps you determine if you want to participate or not. For example, if this woman went on a mindless rant and just regurgitated some talking points she heard on TV, I would have politely listened and not offered anything in return other than something innocuous like, “That’s awful” and then would have returned to reading my magazine.

“What do you think?” is a question that will reveal another’s agenda and level of knowledge, and you will know in short order if you want to participate or not.

Had I just answered her initial question with my take on the situation, I would have engaged without knowing who I was engaging with. It could have been a loooong afternoon.

“What do you think?” is now, as the golfers say, “in my bag.”

The next time someone asks you an opinion question, you may want to pause before answering and consider using my new favorite, time saving tool – “What do you think?”

All the best,

John

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How much of your life is theatre?

The shocking answer is just about all of it.

When we live inside of our head, we are participating in theatre, not life.

Just take any 5 minutes of your life and monitor the chit-chat that’s going on in your head. That’s theatre.

When you are in there, you are all made up as you make things up that are distortions of reality. That’s theatre.

How often are you in there rehearsing your lines for an upcoming scene?

Real life doesn’t need rehearsal, just responses.

Real life is like Improv; you take what is handed to you and you respond to it by creating something new. Theatre is recreating something that’s already been done.

There is a lack of creativity in personal theatre as you repeat the same, tired lines.

The biggest downside of theatre is believing you are the character you are portraying. We believe we are the person we made up and got comfortable with. That’s not you; it’s the rehearsed you, the conditioned you.

The character you play in life is not real. It’s a justification of our conditioning. The biggest realization we can come to in life is that we are not our name, our role, our social status or our social security number. We are not the person we justify. You are not (fill in your name).

(Your name) is a role you play in your local theatre group.

Even when we come to this realization, it’s so easy to slip back into character. We’ve rehearsed the part for so long that it seems so real. It seems so normal to be who you think you are.

So if you aren’t you, who are you?

You are the responses you offer back to life, not the rehearsed reactions.

Anytime you choose a response to life, you are living. When you react to life, you are re–acting your past. That’s theatre.

We create the drama we experience in life. We do this by defining ourselves by our reactions. Notice we do this inside our head. That’s theatre.

The amount of drama present in your life is in direct proportion to the amount of pretending and reacting you do.

You are not your reactions; they are too limiting. They confine you to one role.

Surprise yourself and break out of character for just a minute or two, and find out how refreshing and creative it is to be the real you.

There’s a reason they call them “Plays.” You are playing a role. That’s reacting and that’s theatre.

Remove your makeup and start responding – that’s life!

All the best,

John

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You’re familiar with the expression, “We’ve come full circle.” It basically means we’ve come back to where we began, or to a point of contention that hasn’t been settled.

The Grasshopper has a unique take on “Full Circle.” He said, “You can’t chew your cabbage twice until you chew it once.”

I get that to mean that some people will go around in circles without ever addressing what’s at issue. It’s what a heavyweight boxing match would look like if the fighters only circled each other for the entire bout, No blood would be shed; but nothing would be decided either.

No matter how well your parents brought you up, sometimes it’s necessary to get into the mud with someone. Avoiding conflict at all cost just means that you are unwilling to give credence to the downside of life. It exists, and without it, we would have far less appreciation for the upside.

Grappling in the mud will get you covered in it, but notice the bond that’s formed with the other who’s willing to go there with you. Look at athletes who clash with each other in their respective arenas. When the competition is over, they embrace their arch rival. That would never happen unless they agreed to enter the mud. Otherwise, they may have postured their entire careers without coming full circle to address what’s at issue.

This isn’t about fighting and winning; it’s about the courage necessary to settle what’s unsettled.

It takes more effort to avoid a sticking point than it does to confront it. Avoidance will have you looking over your shoulder at all times and dying a thousand deaths.

You cut the circle in half when you are willing to engage; you widen it to infinity when you refuse to eat your cabbage.

When you nibble around the cookie, you leave a lot more crumbs than if you bite in. Those crumbs accumulate and get swept under the rug and form a molehill that turns into a mountain that keeps you from coming full circle until you circle the drain.

You really only have 3 choices:

1. Do nothing.
2. Do what you’ve been doing.
3. Do something new.

The first two will get you what you have now. Doing something new has the best chance of getting you to come full circle and make some coleslaw.

Bon appétit!

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper sang out some memorable lyrics last night: “You can’t be a rock star with part-time passion.”

The odds of reaching the top of the totem pole without overflowing passion are the same odds that Charles Manson has for getting parole.

If you do get there by happenstance, it will be a short visit without a long supply of passion.

We, as a culture, are passionate about looking for shortcuts to the top. After all, our society invented “Get Rich Quick.”

What we claim to want may be more than about money, but far too often we are unwilling to make the required investment.

I will now offer you one of the best tips you’ll ever get in life. End your frustration right now and stop chasing a dream without the requisite steam.

When what you say and what you feel are not in lockstep, you’re going to step into some pretty smelly stuff time after time.

People who are passionate about something are passionate about it all the time. Their passion doesn’t go on vacation.

When they focus that passion, the results are incredible.

Passion has a way of getting you to do the required work necessary to be successful. The first clue that you lack passion is your unwillingness to do the work.

Look closely at someone who is doing what you want to do. They followed a recipe to acquire that skill or level of success. Even if they are willing to share that recipe, many won’t commit to the plan, and then offer a litany of justifications as to why they can’t get what they want.

I have mentioned it before and it merits repeating now. Passion lives on a continuum that has “Nice to have” on one end and “If I don’t get this, I won’t be able to breathe” on the other end.

If you aren’t breathless about something, give it up. You are wasting your time and causing yourself untold frustration by continuing the chase.

Part-time passion won’t get you to the finish line.

You are kidding yourself if you think that isolated bursts of passion are all that’s needed. Watch any athlete who continually cuts corners in practice and then witness their performance fall apart come game time.

A hobby is something you do part-time; passion is a full time job. Once you make that distinction, it will be easier to successfully pursue your passion.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper left this on my doorstep this morning: “Don’t apologize for having blue eyes.”

I had to wipe the sleep out of my eyes before it started to make sense.

Chances are you resemble one of your parents or both. By and large, we are usually in denial about this for the first half of our life. The implication being: If I look like them, I must be like them.

In many instances, we are just like them. They’re who we learned from. Some of their qualities (good or bad) stay with us for life, and other behaviors we learned from them, we outgrow.

As with any behavior, the key to outgrowing it is recognition. If you don’t know you have it, it’s difficult to do anything about it.

Looking like them is nothing you’ll ever have to apologize for. Short of plastic surgery, there’s nothing you can do about it; it happened without your permission.

Your behavior is an eye of a different color.

Yes, you may have unwittingly sucked in their preferences, prejudices and attitudes before you even knew what those words meant, but they’re your behaviors now. That means that you can’t blame your parents any more. You own these behaviors now. They are yours to apologize for.

Once we get over the shock of being like our parents in ways we never dreamed of, it’s time for a look in the mirror.

What behaviors do you own that you are/were critical of them for having? If you said, “None,” you are in denial.

The physical recognition, if it exists, dawns on most about midlife. The operative phrase that escapes from your mouth, without pre-thought, goes something like this: “Oh my God, I look just like my mother/father.”

That’s the point where you want to go deeper and discover the behaviors that correspond to the resemblance.

If you inherited their big heart and sense of fairness, celebrate it!

If you got something that gets you admonishment, it’s time to own it and outgrow it.

Recognition is the wedge that goes between stimulus and response. It’s in that moment of suspension of your automatic behavior that you glimpse your free will – the will to be free of your inheritance.

All the best,

John

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There’s something very appealing to me about light softly pouring through a window. It not only illuminates the room; it lights up part of me.

When light finds the smallest crack, it shines itself on even the darkest places.

I do an exercise that brings me peace whenever I find myself too caught up in the dark side. It takes a tiny bit of imagination and it works wonders.

Allow that natural light that’s lighting up the room to enter inside of you. Use your imagination and guide it to the spots that need a healing light shone upon them.

Direct that light to physical places in your body or imagined places of mental unrest and let it bathe your mind and body in its rejuvenating essence.

It seems a little silly at first but no one needs to know what you’re doing. Just give it a go and notice what you notice. As Bill Cosby might say, “The proof is in the Pudding Pops.”

If nothing else, this exercise will remind you to “Lighten up.”

All the best,

John

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