Pretending
The Grasshopper stopped by for tea yesterday and had this to say,
“As long as you pretend that something didn’t happen, the longer you carry around the weight of history on your shoulders.”
Pretending is a valuable gift except when you use it as a vehicle for denial.
Many people cannot acknowledge or face their history, so they cover it over with a fairy tale – a revisionist piece of fantasy that contains none of the foundational pieces of their history. The thinking goes something like this, “If I pretend it didn’t happen, I’m not responsible for anything that has happened.”
The elaborate workaround is designed to take the burden of their past off their shoulders when, in fact, the opposite happens – they become ladened with guilt in their reflective moments. This can lead to behaviors that are designed to smother their senses, loads of activities, drugs, alcohol, etc.
Acknowledgement is the weight reduction program that works.
Everybody has a past and a personal history. It’s not helpful to live there, but that’s exactly what you do when you deny its existence. Pretending creates a double focus. You have to consider something you’ve done in order to deny it. Don’t think of the color “blue.” In order not to think of it, you have to think of it.
It’s like the maxim you learned from your mother. “If you never lie, you’ll never have to work at keeping your story straight.” Many of us ignored Mom’s advice and have paid the price of burdening ourselves with the heavy penalty of pretending.
When you face your denial, a burden is lifted. Yes, it’s quite painful to our ego to admit to our pretending, but the lightness that follows acknowledgement is true freedom.
You can’t run away from your past because it always follows you. You can outgrow its burden though.
It begins by acknowledging the truth. Once you take that step, you lighten your load and don’t have to work at being you any longer.
All the best,
John
http://cdbaby.com/cd/johnmorgan
http://www.cafepress.com/grasshoppernote/3580301
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