I was doing some trimming work with my bonsai collection the other day and came up with this question: Did you ever notice that saws are different yet they have the same purpose – to cut through? I had to get used to Japanese saws that are used in bonsai work because they cut mostly on the pull stroke where American saws cut on push and pull. Again, they both cut through. This got me to thinking about old saws because they still must be quite effective or they wouldn’t stand the test of time.

An old saw is a maxim, adage, proverb, or anything else that cuts through in just a few words. You’re familiar with them:

“A watched pot never boils.”

“A penny saved is a penny earned.”

“Talk doesn’t cook rice.” (my personal favorite)

I found one of them creeping into my emails over the past couple of days. It’s one I have heard but never used until a few days ago.

“The proof is in the pudding.”

Some people abuse their power of discretion and it becomes a weapon that causes self inflicted wounds. This is a way of saying that many people dismiss something out of hand because they judge it in their head.

I agree that if someone told you that parrot saliva was the cure for arthritis, you probably would be justified to raise an eyebrow. But if there was a long, documented history of people getting results with this method, you would be doing yourself a disservice if you didn’t investigate further, especially if you have arthritis.

So let’s pretend that you saw an ad for a product in Parade Magazine and then hobbled down to GNC and bought the product called “Pollyspittle” because you were curious. You took it home and then you chose not to use it. It seems counter-intuitive, but the reality is lots of people do that. It’s the next piece of behavior that is mind boggling and counterproductive.

You hop on your computer and dash off a nasty-gram to the manufacturer saying, “This stuff couldn’t possibly work,” and add how disappointed you are. What’s wrong with this photograph? You judged it in your head.

No one’s claiming that you are not entitled to an opinion. We all have them. But when you put the onus on someone else because your untested belief won’t allow you to take the recommended action, whose problem is that?

This type of head judging has no bearing on IQ. You could be Mensa material or dumber than a stump and still be guilty of this practice.

So let’s use the old saws listed above and see if we can fashion some suggestions to prevent you from engaging in this practice.

(WATCHED POT) Know that most change takes patience. The quick fix is usually temporary.

(PENNY SAVED) Don’t buy the cake mix if you expect yours to look like the one on the box without following the recipe.

(COOK RICE) If you could talk yourself into results, they would have already happened.

(PUDDING) The proof is in the action, not what you think of the action.

Here is something that happens every day. A manufacturer of a home gym product gets a letter like this from a recent customer:

“Dear Mr. Manufacturer:

Your product is worthless. How can you advertise this crap on TV? How can you sleep at night knowing as I do that this gizmo can never produce the results you tout in your ads? I’m going to write to the Better Business Bureau and tell all of my friends what a sleezebag you are.

Disgruntled in DesMoines”

The package arrives back at the manufacturer – unopened.

When you stay inside your head, you will never learn anything new. Open yourself to taking some action and then your opinion will contain weight.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

http://GrasshopperNotes.com

I remember a few years ago having my version of a tantrum. I was at the end of a long road swing, traveling from city to city, on and off airplanes, driving endless miles, eating chain restaurant food, being sleep deprived, and being tired to the bone. I remember getting home that Friday evening and saying to myself, “I’m tired of being responsible.” I felt like lying on the ground and kicking and screaming like a little kid in a supermarket.

The truth was I was tired. I don’t know about you but I can become cranky when I get tired. I had pushed past my window of tolerability and was having a mini-meltdown. I think everyone can relate.

I got to thinking about the word “responsible” that had turned up in my little snit. I had seen it hyphenated one time to read: response-able.

Being able to respond was something I had become adept at over the years. When you manage people, it’s valuable to develop that skill, because it will be called into play every day, whether you manage a business, a family, or a volunteer group. Yesterday’s blog was about a reaction vs. a response and today it is about viewing that observation from a different angle.

Being able to respond is another way of saying “trust yourself.” When I did a radio talk show back in the 80’s, I learned how to trust myself when interviewing people. I would have a guest in the studio or on the phone who was a noted expert in their field – one which I knew nothing about. I remember thinking, “What will I say to this very knowledgeable person when I know nothing about their area of expertise?” The Grasshopper then answered, “Trust yourself.”

What I got from that little two word gift was this. If you stop jamming your thinking apparatus with preconceived thought after thought, an appropriate response will come. It’s there just waiting for the room to be let in.

Any person who has ever done a talk show has done something similar to this early in their career. They will be interviewing a guest with a sheet of questions before them. They may ask, “Where are you from?” Then when the person is answering, they go back to their question sheet looking for their next question and not paying attention to what was just said. Invariably, 5 minutes later, they will ask, “So where are you from?”

This is not a suggestion not to prepare. Preparation is a wonderful attribute. But if you think that preparing for every contingency is the answer, you will be sadly disappointed. You miss the moment when you rely on pre-conceived, scripted interactions. You disable your ability to be response-able and your communications become vanilla.

When life deals you a challenge, you have a choice. You can go on an internal hayride in your mind until you go haywire, or you can trust yourself to have an appropriate response. You are response-able. Once you discover this by trusting yourself, you will begin to experience a new found freedom. This freedom brings along with it an ease and comfort that takes the pressure off of you to figure out the answer before the question is asked.

All the best,

John

P.S. By the way, my new 2 CD set called, I LOVE MY BODY is now also available from CD Baby. You can read about the magic of Self-Acceptance contained in I LOVE MY BODY in my blog from December 19^th, 2007.

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

http://GrasshopperNotes.com

Back in September of 2005, The Grasshopper gave me a one-two punch. He communicated:

“Reality is perfect.”

“Reality always wins.”

I enjoy professional football and I would probably take up betting if I could always place my bet on reality. The Grasshopper is accurate. Reality always does win. Who wins in the football pool? Reality! Who wins their party’s nomination? Reality! The odds makers would be out of business if we could bet on reality.

Reality has a more perfect record than the New England Patriots.

Some people are better prognosticators than others but they can’t come close the winning percentage of reality.

Did you ever notice how we duck or deny reality? It reminds me of a Jerry Stocking quote:

“If you in any way seek to avoid the downside, you will miss at least half of life.”

Isn’t that what people who are numbing themselves with alcohol or ingesting mood altering drugs attempting to do? The same is true with the person who is trying to satiate an emotional hunger by eating past the point of fullness. They are looking to hide from reality.

As I say in my HYPNOSIS FOR GOLF MASTERY CD, golf is a simple game, but it’s not easy. Life (Reality) is also a simple game but not necessarily easy. It gets easier when you condition yourself to respond vs. react. Reminds me of a story . . .

20 some years ago I was conducting a seminar for Digital Equipment Corporation in Augusta, Maine. I was discussing the difference between a reaction and a response. I asked a young strapping lad of 28 what he would do if someone called him a derogatory name. He said, “I’d whack them.” I then asked him if he knew who Billy Martin was. He said, “He’s the former manager of the New York Yankees.” I asked if he knew how old Billy was. He said, “Late 50’s.” I further probed if he knew anything else about Billy. He said, “Yea, he gets in fights in bars.” I then asked him if he would be getting in fights in bars when he was 58. He said, “no way.” I then asked, “What magical metamorphosis is going to happen between now and then to keep you from whacking people who call you names?” I then added, “What if when someone calls you a name, you pause and then say, “if you knew me a little better, you may like me more’.” He smiled and he got it.

There is a stimulus (Reality) and there is a conditioned response (what you normally do). When you take time to choose a response, you are making life easier. You acknowledge reality but you choose not to fight with it because you will always lose.

Cooperating with reality seems to be the thing that people who have the most warm fuzzies* do. (*see my December 17, 2007 blog post). They don’t have any less rain falling in their life, they just make sure to have a slicker and an umbrella handy rather than cursing the weather.

Reality happens! Responding is a choice. It’s the only time you get to exercise free will. Bet on it!

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganSeminars.com

http://GrasshopperNotes.com

I have never been considered a great dancer. I’ve had my moments but, by and large, a majority of the population does it better than me. But before you try and rescue me, let me tell the truth. I don’t like to dance – never have.

I’ve had instruction. I have made the effort. I have had world class dancing partners – all to no avail. Before you send me your secret method or a Dance Fever video, let me come clean. This ain’t the kind of dancing I’m referring to.

The purposeful avoidance of the facts is the dance that I choose to observe from afar. For example, I had the opportunity to watch some of the presidential debates on Saturday night and got to see an amazing array of dance steps. It’s entertaining and uncomfortable at the same time to see human beings knowingly dance around questions.

What is the biggest fear of answering a specific question with a specific answer? Is it being found out? You bet!

The truth is everyone already knows at some level what you are hiding. We are too polite as a society to probe past the dodge and we pay the price for our avoidance of the uncomfortable. The price for not asking is lifelong discomfort for not being willing to be temporarily prickly. This avoidance has us walk around with a wound that never heals.

I also got to see baseball great, Roger Clemens interviewed on 60 Minutes last night. Roger gave a fairly direct interview and then came a question about taking a lie detector test that revealed his discomfort. His answers then became less direct and you witnessed his two-step. On the same show, they interviewed a man who had murdered 20 people. You may have been discomforted by his acts or his rationale for committing them, but your BS radar didn’t activate when you heard his answers.

So hiding the obvious is like putting a cork in a leaking dam or wearing a bad toupee. Everyone knows what’s happening but we pretend that we don’t.

This is not a directive to challenge every dance step you encounter. In many cases, you may have probed in an area that’s none of your business. This is more of a suggestion to get curious about what you are hiding. In most cases, whatever it is, the evasive actions you employ are to protect your ego.

Who you think you are is someone you made up and got comfortable with. When people question this make believe you, you go into protective mode. You cover up a myth with a fairy tale. No one is fooled.

You can start your striptease slowly. Begin with a little lie that you have been telling that you can stop telling today. Once you remove the veil of secrecy from that one, you can progressively move up the food chain until you get to the Double Whopper.

The benefit is you become more comfortable with who you really are and are not afraid to show it to the world.

If you need a little logic to jumpstart your convincer strategy, ask yourself this: How come one can be more trusting and comfortable with the answers of a confessed, multiple, murderer than with the answers provided by the next President of the United States?

All the best,

John

The old adage, “Your word is your bond” is on life support and the chances for recovery are south of slim.

When I hire someone to do work in my home, I have learned to be very specific as to what I want so there is marginal room for confusion. I listen to the contractor or workman respond to my requests and I observe and listen carefully to their response. Then, I offer the following: “You don’t have to over-deliver on what you just told me. You just have to do what you say you are going to do.” Then I go over again what it is that they have promised for the agreed to money.  I still get less than promised once in awhile, but not as often as I used to.

This is not a rant on workmen. This hyperbolic trait is now embedded in our society at all levels and we have become inured to it. We expect it. That is sad. Werner Earhart was accurate when he said, “The reason life doesn’t work is because people don’t keep their agreements.”

This lack of trust we now have is based on supportive evidence of people continually not delivering. What’s the answer? I don’t think you can answer for everyone; you can only answer for yourself. If you take care of your portion of the world, then you’ve done all you can do. You cannot expect others to change or operate the way you do. That’s Pollyanna.

We need to adjust to the world as it is rather than how we think it should be. I may even create a seminar on the topic and call it, Reality Based Negotiating. The reality is that it takes more work today to get a workable agreement than it used to. That’s a fact of life. Not noticing that fact and not adjusting to that reality will have you neck deep in disappointment. Ask questions. When you hear answers that aren’t specific, ask again until the answers are clear. This will separate the noble from the knave and you’ll know which you are dealing with, and have better information to craft your next step.

If this sounds negative to you, please read my blog of November 10^th entitled: RCV.

Bottom line: In today’s society, if you take people at face value, you may wind up with an omelet on your face. 

All the best,

John 

http://JohnMorganSeminars.com 

http://GrasshopperNotes.com

I was watching the movie THE KINGDOM on DVD the other night. It’s a shoot-em’-up with a message. The message is that conflict will never end when we pass our conflicts on to succeeding generations.

Americans have to look no further than the Civil War to remind them of transferred bias. I’ve conducted seminars in every state north and south of the Mason-Dixon Line and there is a predisposition that exists about northerners in the south and southerners in the north.

There is a pre-conceived mindset about these “other” people, although many have never experience them first hand. Stereotypes have been handed down from generation to generation and then get reinforced and cemented in place by TV shows and movies.

To state that bias exists is like making a pronouncement that Polar Bears are white or that Pee Wee Herman’s career is over. The real question is how does it burn out for good?

I don’t think it ever will for the culture at large but it can for you and me. It really comes down to getting naked. That means we have to strip ourselves down to who we really are to discover that the “other” is none other than us. This is not to say that we won’t have disagreements with people. That will always be the case because we are human. It’s making them the enemy and separate from us that keeps the conflict alive.

Once we recognize that we all came from and will return to the same Kingdom, then the war is over. Like everything else worthwhile, it begins with small steps. Make a commitment to just start recognizing yourself in another and them in you. Just this simple exercise will begin to melt away some of the otherness and lay the groundwork to end the skirmish.

There is a hymn that has the lyrics, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” That’s a wonderful way to begin the New Year.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

http://GrasshopperNotes.com