Most people are accomplished at something. Some set the benchmark in their area of expertise whether in their job or profession, their hobby, or in their family. Unfortunately, some people never give themselves credit for what they are good at and, sorry to say, many times other people overlook that skill as unimportant.

For example, some people are world-class parents. They may struggle financially or lack formal education, but that does not prevent them from using this wonderful molding skill to provide a loving and nurturing environment in which their children can blossom. The difficulty I see quite often is that people are quick to discount such a skill and play the “if only” and the “grass is greener” games with themselves. The truth is the grass is just a different shade of green but it is still only grass.

A zebra that wants to be a lion or vice-versa is missing the unvarnished truth. They don’t recognize their area in which to thrive. My ex-wife used to say that fathers encourage their children to be what they can be and mothers accept their children for who they are. I’m certain there are examples to the contrary but her philosophy seems to be accurate.

A misperceived level of expectation for yourself or for others can lead to frustration and disappointment. Reminds me of a story . . .

Many years ago I was in a career-changing mindset. A friend of mine had just attended a seminar called The Accounting Game. He was a company owner and wanted to understand accounting a bit more so that his eyes didn’t glaze over when he listened to his accounting people. He raved about the seminar and I got caught up in his enthusiasm. I investigated the company and they had opportunities for you to sell their seminars. I sent away for the information and embarked on a new career path. I wasn’t very successful in making money for them or for me. They had a great product but I was not having success selling it. I was telling my neighbor Gino, who cuts my hair, about my latest exploits and I saw his brow furrow. He then said something that opened my eyes. He said something like: “John, you have a wonderful ability to communicate to people and I don’t think that skill was meant for you to communicate someone else’s message.” It became instantly clear that I was discounting my area of expertise and mowing someone else’s lawn.

What are you good at? If you said, “nothing,” you are missing the point. You have a skill set that comes to you as naturally as breathing. Home in on that ability and see how you can flesh it out to take advantage of opportunities that require that expertise. If you want someone else’s skill set, you can certainly take the training necessary to acquire it, but if it doesn’t ring true with your nature, you will struggle no matter how much knowledge about it that you acquire. My mom was a knowledgeable waitress who had an incredible eye for decorating. She never took a class but she really could arrange furniture and accent pieces to make a room eye-appealing and more than a functional space. It was really her calling but she never pursued it. She worked as an able but frustrated waitress.

There is the other side of the coin that is equally frustrating. I call it the “Stage Mother Syndrome.” I’m sure you know some parents who push their children into areas that they always wanted to pursue themselves, but never did. The poor child can’t sing a note but the parents keep setting their child up for failure by getting them vocal instruction and putting them into recital after recital.

Many people do that to themselves. They have a false sense of who they are and shoot in the wrong direction. They take training and acquire new skills but never flower because they have overlooked, dismissed, or discounted their natural skill set. There are many skill assessing methods available if you are still confused about what your natural ones are. (Myers-Briggs, Enneagrams, and others).

The real message is that ease and comfort will come when you do something that comes easy to you.

All the best,

John