I’ve never considered myself a relationship expert but I do have an observation worthy of consideration.

If you have been in any sort of a relationship that had a less than happy ending, the following idea has to fade away from your belief system in order for your feelings about that relationship to resolve – “I played no part.”

There is tension still held with many relationships that have long since been over, even with people who have since died.

We have relationships with all sorts of people – Parents, partners, friends, clients, neighbors, co-workers and family. When one of these connections disconnects, you will hold tension as long as you buy into “I played no part.”

The denial of your role in the relationship unraveling keeps that role alive. You may attempt to bury it, but like a beach ball you can’t hold it underwater forever. That tension will surface.

You may make an elegant case about not playing a part, and you may even enlist people to agree with you, but a part of you will remain disagreeable as long as you disagree that you played a part.

You may have even evolved to wanting nothing to do with that person, but the tension will remain if you continue to play this game.

You may even appear civil if you happen to be in their company, but the underlying tension keeps you from making a real connection. The postscript on the encounter is that it still feels tense.

The remedy is to find and acknowledge your part. It may have only been a cameo, but until you acknowledge you were in that film, the tension will not fall to the cutting room floor.

Notice how easy it is to acknowledge their part. It has to become that easy for you to recognize yours as well, otherwise the tension will continue to swell.

I don’t believe you’ll ever arrive to the point of forgiveness until you acknowledge your part. The good news is you don’t need to announce it to the world, only admit it to yourself.

This admission will pave the way to leave that tension back in the day.

All the best,

John