Imagine wearing the clothes you wore at your 6^th birthday party to work, school or wherever today. Unless you’re still 6, they’re not going to fit; you’ve outgrown them.

That’s pretty obvious. What isn’t so apparent is that we still have patterns of behavior we learned at an early age that look as silly on us as our 6^th birthday party outfit would, yet we wear them every day.

If we become aware of them, these are the patterns we vow to get rid of. Vowing is where the wicket gets sticky.

Think of something that really had meaning for you at one time but doesn’t mean that much to you now. Chances are you didn’t vow your way to your new found attitude; you just outgrew the old one. For example, think back for a minute about some goofy clothes you wore as a teenager. They were meaningful to you then but you wouldn’t be caught dead in them now, even on Halloween. You didn’t vow to stop wearing them; you mentally outgrew them.

Outgrowing is something that just happens over time, but for some that process hardly ever happens. That’s because they are too busy vowing to get rid of the old habit pattern which doesn’t allow enough room for a new pattern to take hold.

Some would call it determination; in most cases it’s lunacy.

Does this mean we shouldn’t make an effort to put this pattern behind us? No, it simply means we have to retool our methodology.

Just look at your track record in attempting to get rid of something. If you’re like me, it’s abysmal. The rub is this: We never really get rid of anything; we just outgrow it.

You still own all the patterns you learned, but the ones you’ve outgrown, you don’t use anymore.

Stop making resolutions and start becoming aware of the patterns you want to outgrow. Giving attention to a pattern, while it’s running, waters it down. Your patterns need your attention, not a solemn vow.

The formula for outgrowing something is to give it as much attention as you can muster. Just notice when you are running or about to run a pattern that’s not working for you. Your attention will begin the process of outgrowing that pattern; vowing just keeps it in place.

Vowing has you fighting with your patterns; attention just has you notice. All victories I’ve had by fighting my patterns have been temporary. Any pattern that I’ve outgrown happened on its own.

There is a way to accelerate that natural process of outgrowing something. It’s called attention.

If you must have a vow, make it this: “I vow to have this pattern until I don’t.” At least this way you are giving attention to the pattern, rather than fighting with it again.

Giving them your attention will have you outgrow patterns more quickly, instead of making vows about things that will never change.

All the best,

John

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