I was taught a lesson in reality last night while watching a football game – the difference between giving up and giving in.

I had given up on my team but the good news is they didn’t get my memo. They didn’t give in to what many fans like me may have felt – that time was too short to get a win.

I’m sure glad Thomas Edison didn’t give up. I’m sure other inventors had thrown in the towel much earlier in the process. They didn’t see the light that he saw.

Giving up is a state of mind; giving in is an action.

I think those that win more often than others have given up the notion of giving in while there is still time on the clock.

Some take a setback as the end of the game. That’s a losing strategy. That’s giving up.

Giving in only happens when reality physically surfaces. When the final whistle blows and your opponent is ahead, it’s time to give in. That’s called acceptance.

If the players on my team last night had adopted my give up attitude, we wouldn’t have won. There is no guarantee that your attitude gets you a win, it just increases the odds.

This is not a rose colored glasses approach. This is a reality based strategy. Optimism creates options. Negativity closes doors.

This is more than the trite maxim of “Think Positive.” That’s a directive with no instructions. The instructions are these:

Learn the difference between perceived reality and reality itself. Perception is never reality. Perception causes us to give up well before the game is over. Odds don’t win games; people do.

Remember this: If your parents’ reproductive cells had listened to the odds makers, you would have never been born.

I’ve given in to the fact that giving up has no basis in reality.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES

The Grasshopper visited over the weekend and left this definition:

WEAKNESS: Thinking you can outsmart your vices.

How profound, how universal, and how stupid.

The first sign of weakness being a weakness is denying our vice. We may artfully lump it into the category of “everyone does it,” but we never examine that explanation further. We never assess our degree of involvement. We fail to notice that everyone that does it to the degree we do, suffers.

Reminds me of a story . . .

Frank Layden, former coach of the Utah Jazz was a great motivator of people. He also weighed well over 300lbs. He had heard the speech from his doctor many times that he was endangering himself by carrying all that excess weight, especially in his mid 60’s. The logic never registered with him until . . .

Finally on one visit his doctor said, “Frank, I want you to go look for men over 300lbs that are your age when you leave here today.” Frank couldn’t find any. That became the motivation for him to finally get healthy.

Outsmarting your vices is called kidding yourself, but the jokes on you because no one is laughing.

Here’s a hint that your vice needs to be addressed: When you have a story at the ready to defend it. That indicates you’re neck deep in it.

Here’s another hint: When you say, “it’s none of your business,” especially to a friend or close family member who’s concerned.

My personal favorite is when we shift the onus to the worried person who points out our dilemma. “You have issues too.” The hope is they will go on to defend themselves about their issues so we can get the focus off of us.

There’s a reason Michael Jordan was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. It’s not that he didn’t have weaknesses, we all do. He just chose to identify his and go to work on them so he could be the best he could be.

People who decide to go to work on a weakness, don’t make excuses. They realize that only action works.

Our vices are patterns that need to be outgrown, not outsmarted. Every time you think of a creative way to defend what you do, you just add another glob of glue.

Weakness and Smartness is a deadly combination – one that lets stupid people outlive you.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES

Seems like Friday is just about everyone’s favorite weekday. More songs have been written about other days of the week, but Friday seems to be the hands down winner.

It’s easy to see why. Friday is the doorway to the weekend – the time when time is your time.

So the special thing about Friday is the wonderful anticipation it brings. Friday is a feeling!

What if we could isolate that feeling in our body and catalog it? Then we could literally Google that feeling any day of the week, even on a “Blue Monday.”

What does Friday feel like? It will be different for every-body, but quite useful to zero in on. What goes on in your body when you’re in a Friday frame of mind? Find out by taking time to notice.

Most will agree that good thoughts produce good feelings but not as much attention has been given to the corollary – good feelings produce good thoughts. Feelings last longer and so do the thoughts associated with them.

Think of thoughts as precision sports cars that can turn on a dime and dart away. Then think of feelings as cruise ships that take much longer to make a full turn and stay in place much longer.

If you pay attention to the feeling, you can get the full experience of the moment. The best news is you can recreate that moment when “hump day” seems like it will never end.

Most people know Abraham Lincoln’s observation that “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” They may not know there is another strategy – “Most folks are as happy as they feel in their body.”

Here’s a wacky suggestion: Make Friday “feel day.” Get to know what Friday feels like in your body. Then when you’re mentally having a “Terrible Tuesday” or a “Trying Thursday,” ask your body to serve up a slice of Friday.

This only seems silly until you do it. Did you ever notice that experience wipes out all debate?

Experience Friday!

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES

Did you ever notice people have different working styles?

It occurred to me that working and dancing are alike. They both have a conclusion but that’s not their real purpose.

The purpose of a dance is to dance and not get to the end of the song – unless, of course, you don’t particularly like whom you’re dancing with.

Your working style has to bring you some amount of joy otherwise your method for reaching your objective is devoid of juice and will keep you drained.

This is more than the ever present suggestion to “Enjoy your work.” This is more about noticing your working style and where your focus lies.

If your working style’s sole purpose is in getting the job done, you miss the richness and aliveness of each stepping stone on your path to completion. You’ve only got the goal in focus. Yes, you may get the job done but you cheat yourself out of rewarding moments that make up the whole.

In the past, my working style was always geared towards getting the job done. That left me little time to appreciate the process. I would look at others who weren’t as focused on results as I was and deem them to be lazy or incompetent. They were neither.

They were taking time to enjoy the ride. Work was not a place where they left their personality home. We’ve all heard the comment, “You should see her outside the office; she’s a totally different person.”

It would be beneficial for all to get to see that person at work. Our working style often gets in the way of missing the moment while solely focused on not missing the deadline. This robs us of countless joy.

A dance has more than a beginning and an end. The middle part is where we spend most of our time. If we’re not focused there, we miss synching with the rhythm of life.

The old saying that more business gets done on the golf course than in the boardroom applies here. That simply means to bring a more relaxed approach to what you do and two things will happen:

1. You’ll get more accomplished.
2. You’ll get to eat the middle of the Oreo Cookie first.

Take a moment to look at your working style. You may find that it’s standing in the way of you achieving so much more by keeping you off the dance floor.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES

Please fill in the blank. The most important thing in my life is ______________.

There is no right answer so don’t spend too much time coming up with one.

Now there is something I’d like you to notice. If you are like most people, the thing that’s deemed most important to you doesn’t get most of your attention. In fact, it probably doesn’t even make your Top 10.

How did it get to be this way? I’m not certain, but I have a guess.

Taking things for granted immediately pops to mind. How often do we take as a given something that’s so important to us? The more we assume this position of entitlement, the quicker what we think we’re entitled to erodes.

Notice how quickly people will focus on something essential that was taken for granted, once lost. Health comes to mind.

Most people have health near the top of their important list, but neglect it. The pain they will go through to attempt to recapture what they took for granted is a universal occurrence. We’ve all heard the old axiom “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” but we regularly ignore its wisdom.

We generate all sorts of effort after the fact, where it has the least effect. I’m just wondering if we can STOP, just for a moment, and put what’s important to us in proper perspective.

The bald truth is, we are entitled to nothing, and nothing is what we wind up with when our focus remains on the unimportant.

Again, let me ask the question: “What’s the most important thing in your life?” Now that you have an answer, you’re out of excuses for ignoring it.

“Pay me now or pay me later” is another expression we’ve all heard, but we’ve never really considered the price tag until it’s too late.

I haven’t a clue what’s important to you, but this much I know from personal experience – you’ve probably got it on your “B” list.

Get in the habit of taking a brief moment out of your day to consider what’s most important to you. This regular focusing of attention will automatically cause a shift in priorities and bring “most important” back to the top of your list.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES

As we head into Labor Day Weekend, the unofficial end of summer, I offer you a quote from The Grasshopper. It came during an early walk of Snuffy the black nosed beagle. He said,

“May The Fruits Of Your Labor Be Edible.”

I’ll be digesting it over the weekend.

Be easy on yourself.

Happy Labor Day!

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES

The way to a man’s heart is through his . . .

If you responded, “through his thoracic cavity,” perhaps you’re a surgeon. If you said, “stomach,” you’re probably old fashioned. Your strategy is based on your angle of approach.

When looking at something through our own eyes, we only get one perspective. Most often we label it “right.” Watch Tiger Woods on the putting green. When he has a putt of any length, he looks at it from lots of angles before he commits to his strategy. He’s “right” more often than most golfers because he considers different perspectives.

We often insulate ourselves by not looking at our position from multiple perspectives. What’s the old yard sale expression? – “One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.”

A position that we’ve trashed in the past may be just the angle that will garner us treasure in this particular instance.

To take full advantage of your options, it’s helpful to imagine that you live on a circle that has 360 positions. If you continue to stay glued to your position, you’re ignoring 359 other ways of looking at your situation.

I know this seems silly and it works. Stand on an arc of an imaginary circle that you deem is the “right” angle. Next, physically move yourself to the opposite side of the circle and just notice the feelings in your body from this different perspective. If you pay careful attention, you will notice different feelings. Keep moving yourself to different points on the circle and simply notice and calibrate the corresponding feelings in your body.

There may be a better angle but you’re not going to find it by assessing it in your head. You’ve got to move there to feel it. We make all decisions with our feelings first and then we rationalize them in our head. I’m suggesting we mirror that natural approach to decision making by exploring our feelings.

If we don’t explore how something feels, we cheat ourselves out of our best barometer. Fully exploring your feelings about something means you have to move off your standard angle of view and calibrate. Seeing something from a different angle and noticing the different feelings, engenders empathy and insight.

You begin to appreciate your feeling sense more and you begin making better decisions.

I wonder, what’s the percentage of men who have actually ridden in the back seat of their own car? Sometimes it’s helpful to get the feel of something from a different perspective. It may just keep you from driving to the same dead end again.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES

Watching the funeral Mass of Senator
Ted Kennedy this past weekend and hearing the various eulogies, I was struck with a novel idea – Living eulogies.

It seems odd to me that we share our most vivid and heartfelt memories with a corpse. I have this silly notion that a person would enjoy hearing your eulogy while they are alive. And it’s my further sense that delivering it would make you feel wonderful too.

So how come we don’t do it? Fear? Embarrassment? (fill in your excuse here).

What moving thing can you say now that you are saving until someone dies?

Notice that eulogies are filled not only with glowing memories, but also with unvarnished truth. Nothing is held back as you express caring and cathartic words and feelings.

A living eulogy can be delivered at any age. Think of it as a new birthday tradition. Reminds me of two stories I told my son and grandson last night at dinner . . .

When I attended grade school, we were graded by numbers rather than letters. Instead of an “A+” being the highest score, we were given a 95. An “A” was a 90, a “B+” was an 85, a “B” equaled 80. You get the idea. You were awarded first honors in our school if you received all 90s and 95s on your report card. It was indicated by a little commemorative card attached to the report card – quite the get! When I was fortunate enough to bring home first honors, with mostly 90s and an occasional 95, my father’s reaction was not one of praise. He would ask me, “How did Joe Mayberry do?” Joe was the smartest kid in our class. He had all 95s.

The second story came later in my teens when I worked summers for my father in construction. He took a vacation week during the last summer I worked for him. In my father’s absence, the bricklayers invited me to eat lunch with them in the shanty (a small trailer that housed the plans and drawings and served as my father’s office). Each day of his vacation, one of the guys would tell me this wonderful story they heard about me from my father. I could have caught an entire swarm of seven year locusts with how wide my mouth was open. “My father said that?”

It’s not that we don’t have these feelings, we too often don’t express them to the person. I believe we do a disservice to ourselves and others when we engage in this practice.

There seems to be plenty of room for admonishment in life and precious little room for praise. I’m not recommending that you turn over a new leaf if this applies to you. I’m only suggesting that you get a little religion. Find something minor to praise in someone you care about and let them know it. It opens up a new line of communication with them and is the ultimate Win-Win – you both feel good.

A Living Eulogy: A great way to “Rest in Peace” while we’re all still living.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES