I got a tidbit from The Grasshopper the other day. He said,

“Anything you try and hold together eventually comes apart.”

I wonder how much of our lives we attempt to hold together? And what does that really mean?

It seems we are using bailing wire and duct tape to keep things intact. The nature of the universe is change. I think personal change would happen more naturally and rapidly if we didn’t chain ourselves to the past. “It didn’t used to be this way,” is the battle cry for someone holding it together and avoiding the reality of change.

How are you holding up? is a question we ask of those going through a difficult time. A more helpful strategy is to let the person know that you’re there to help them fall apart. The dam is going to break. Wouldn’t it be helpful to know someone is there to help you survive the impending water damage? Yes, there will be tears. Truth is, that not enough people cry. My thought is if doctors wrote prescriptions for crying, their patients would heal quicker.

What people are holding together is an illusion – a mind made scenario that has no foot in reality. There are a lot of “shoulds,” “coulds” and “oughts” involved in this internal drama. The difficulty is the mind made movie isn’t matching up with reality. The tug of war between the two causes constant angst. We attempt to change reality by holding on to the way it was or the way we think it should be. You would have more luck trying to trap the wind in a colander.

If you are spending your days occupying your mind with how to hold it together thoughts, you are inflicting unnecessary suffering that needs resolution. Reminds me of a story . . .

Comedian, Martin Mull used to room with actor, comedian, Steve Martin early in their careers. Martin said Steve would write jokes and then throw away the ones he didn’t want. Mull said he went through the trash can later and found stuff much funnier than what he was writing. Here is one of the lines he discovered in the waste can: “We sure have had a good time here tonight; too bad we’re all gonna’ die someday.”

Putting off or denying the inevitable – falling apart – keeps you in bondage. You are being fettered by the chains of illusion that make you think you can control what goes on in the world. The longer you impose your will on reality, the longer you suffer. It’s that simple.

It’s a very scary feeling to let go of the illusion of control. But you are only scared once rather than frightening yourself daily with all you have to hold together.

There is a bright side on the other side of falling apart – a calming influence appears in your life. You finally let go of the imaginary struggle and you learn to trust yourself in the face of the challenges life presents, knowing that you’ll respond appropriately. There is no more illusion to defend and hold together. You’re free to be you and not the imposter you were holding together.

Try it for an hour. Let go of the person you are trying to be and just let the real you show up. The freedom you’ll feel acts as jump off point to a more authentic you – a you who no longer needs to hold it together.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

http://GrasshopperNotes.com

http://cdbaby.com/cd/johnmorgan

http://www.cafepress.com/grasshoppernote/3580301

I remember on my elementary school report cards a category called “Self Control.” I also remember not being graded very highly in that category. I think the grade mainly stemmed from my eagerness to show that I knew the answer. This was accompanied by lifting my seat off the chair and waving wildly to be called on and saying the teachers name over and over again. I wasn’t the only one doing it.

As we grow older and mature a bit, the need to show that we know the answer calms down and the frenetic gyrations of a schoolboy looking for attention are not as present. That does not mean the need to demonstrate our knowingness has disappeared. How many times have you wanted to communicate to someone that you knew something they didn’t? It happens quite often. Oftentimes, the need isn’t so much to inform them, but rather to let them know that you know.

This is a transparent attempt to communicate that “I am not stupid.”

Many people grow up with unaware parents who say things that leave marks on impressionable children that have them run that script for a lifetime. “Don’t be so stupid,” “Only a moron would say that,” “Could you possibly be that dumb that you don’t know that.” My father had a hand gesture that he used to use. He would stick up his thumb and say, “See my thumb, gee you’re dumb.” He wasn’t malicious with it; it was more of a tease. Yet to this day, my son remembers it quite unaffectionately.

It may be illustrative to know where your behavior pattern stemmed from but it does little to alter its course. The recognition of the pattern is always the place to start when desiring a change. But why even bother to change this pattern if you are comfortable with it? The answer is simple. The pattern of “know it all” is a guaranteed way to keep people at a distance. People do not gravitate to people who need to show their superiority. The negative programming of the past causes a person to become superior and to “have to know” so they don’t appear stupid. It’s a fate worse than death for some.

What they fail to recognize is that people are backing away from them. If they do notice, they surmise that they are not giving them enough information and do the worst possible thing – pour on more of what is chasing people away – more of what they know. It’s a vicious cycle that repeats itself.

“Did you know?” is a telltale question from a person who is about to demonstrate their superior knowledge. Its twin brother, “Didn’t you know?” is also a dead giveaway that you are about to be regaled with superiority.

This, like so many of our flaws, is easier to spot in others. The bigger game is to notice it in you. As always, the noticing or interrupting of a pattern, while it’s running, puts you at the doorstep of change. You may have to interrupt yourself numerous times for the pattern to update itself into something that serves you better, and the effort is worth it.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

http://GrasshopperNotes.com

http://cdbaby.com/cd/johnmorgan

http://www.cafepress.com/grasshoppernote/3580301