The Grasshopper popped in last night with this nugget for the New Year: “Getting it begins when denial ends.”

I’d have to guess we’re all in denial about something, but if it’s in the area of something we need to get, it’s gonna’ be a long wait.

Denial is a roadblock to progress; it’s always been that way. I’ve had many people request that I work with them regarding their issues with alcohol. My answer has yet to be “Yes.”

The denial that permeates people with drug and alcohol problems is so ingrained in their make-up that anything I could offer would bump up against it and bounce off – never reaching the target.

Denial is not something someone else can lure you out of; you have to confront it yourself. It begins to lose its power when you acknowledge it, not when I point it out.

When someone besides you addresses your denial, you will double down and offer even more polarity than you did the last time they brought it up. The hope is that they will go away, and to insure that, you will often act hostile towards them and their observation.

I don’t know how to get people out of denial, but they do. Deep down, anyone in denial knows they are there. Pointing it out to them is like telling them that Whoopi Goldberg has a terrible voice for radio. They already know.

One way to address your denial is to pretend the opposite of what you are denying is true. This exercise in imagination opens you to the possibility that your denial is in the way of a solution. Pretend you are the way everyone says you are. Try it on for size and feel what that feels like. Then, switch gears and dig back into your denial and imagine that everything they are saying is false. Go back and forth between the two positions so you can switch in the blink of an eye. Then just let the topic alone for awhile.

What you are doing by pretending is expanding your options, options you would have never entertained by staying totally steeped in denial. Each time you do the back and forth exercise, you give more credence to an option you would have slammed the door on in the past. In effect, you are creating a crack in the door of your facade to allow denial to escape.

Do you need to “get” something? It will be a lot easier if you pretend that you’re in denial.

All the best,

John