I was having a dream this morning where I found myself counseling a total stranger. He was struggling with his performance at something and out of nowhere I offered him this: “Discover yourself through other people.” Then I woke up.

Here’s what I find when I’m offering input to other people: I’m usually offering that advice to myself.

There is a part of me that’s just like them and my sense is that I need to be exposed to my remedy as much as they do.

Other people will not only test you, they will improve you. They will help you discover a part of you that you’re keeping in hiding. These hidden parts of you are patterns that hold you back.

If you deny or don’t know they exist, they will continue to run your life into the ground. Other people show you your patterns. What you don’t like in them is what you don’t like in yourself. If you continue to only ascribe their patterns to them, you’ll miss an opportunity to bring yours out into the light of day.

It’s hard for us to admit that there is a part of us that’s just like a person with an offending pattern. That doesn’t mean that we’re just like the other person. In fact, we may be oceans apart. What it does mean is that the part of us that observes their limiting pattern is the part of us that has it too, to one degree or another. It’s like two artists or two plumbers at a crowded event who never met who wind up talking to each other. They find each other.

Every encounter with another person is an opportunity to find out more about you.

This isn’t an exercise to find out what’s wrong with you; it’s an opportunity to explore what’s hidden from view.

Have you ever been offered an observation about you from someone you respect that opened your eyes to a pattern that was holding you back? That’s the opportunity you get every time you observe something you don’t like about someone else. You find out a little bit more about what’s hiding in you.

If you avoid other people, you are avoiding the parts of you that you don’t like. In essence, you don’t like the experience of having a mirror held up to you face, especially by a total stranger.

Total strangers will teach you more about you than your closest friends. You just have to be open to what they have to show you to discover what’s holding you back.

All the best,

John

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