Feeling Powerless
I’m sure you’ve been in situations where you felt powerless. I know I have. It’s what the late Dr. Dave Dobson called the highest state of fear.
Hopefully, it’s not your constant state of mind, but for some it is. It is easily evidenced by their penchant to constantly rant and rave. I’m guessing you have a few friends on Facebook who write in ALL CAPS!!!
I’m amused by them until I’m not. My amusement turns into concern because these folk are locked into the illusion of being powerless.
You would never consciously come to that conclusion by reading their words. Their soliloquies are filled with bombast and false bravado, but they are scared to death, scared that they have no power.
They haven’t stopped to notice that their rant isn’t making that feeling go away.
If you want to feel powerless, here is the formula: Equate power with control.
When we attempt to control our situation and can’t, which is always, we feel powerless and that can cause us to strike out. It reminds me of a story I’ve told before . . .
Years ago, I was at a christening and ran into a man who found out I did a talk show on the radio. He said, “Do you know the kind of people who call talk shows?” Before I could answer, he said, “I’ll tell you the kind of people who call talk shows. They’re the people who are in a bar and will bend anyone’s ear who will listen. When the last person in the bar also begins to ignore them, they go home and call you. That’s who calls talk shows.”
He wasn’t too far off the mark.
If you are ranting and raving about something and not doing something about it other than broadcasting your fear, you are steeped in the illusion of control and will continue to feel powerless.
Certainly not in every case, but this person tends to be more than a little overweight (obese), leans toward conspiracy theories, is into name calling and lays out a talk that’s rarely followed by a walk.
They are attempting to control the universe with their words. It’s hard enough getting a cab on a rainy night, but they set their sights exponentially high, causing a giant drop back to earth every time.
The best antidote to feeling powerless is to recognize you are feeling that way and just sit with the feeling. Acknowledging the feeling and allowing yourself to feel it, is the quickest way to metabolize the fear. Striking out rather than reflecting in will keep that fear in place, sometimes for a lifetime.
No doubt these people are angry, and anger sits on top of fear and is driven by it. If you are constantly angry, here’s a remedy: Notice that you are angry and don’t assign it to a cause. Just notice that you are angry and feel the anger. The minute you attempt to assign it to a cause, you go back into the anger loop and it will have you go round and round with endless rebound, without any relief.
Feel free to continue to “piss and moan” because we all do. But when it gets to be your regular practice, you are practicing to be angry and powerless for the rest of your life.
All the best,
John
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