Examples
The Grasshopper dropped a bombshell this morning: “You’re shortchanging your parents’ contribution to you if you only laud them for their good example.”
We hear comments like these all the time: “I got my sense of humor from my mother”; “I get my ability to be on time from my father.”
We don’t often credit them for their bad examples. I believe it’s one of the most overlooked contributions they gave us.
“My mother is so obstinate.” My father is such an opinionated windbag.” How can traits like these possibly benefit us?
There is certainly enough downside to these traits if we’ve incorporated them into our life without noticing. That means we are as oblivious to these undesired traits in ourselves as our parents are/were to them in themselves. That’s just a lack of noticing on our part.
It’s time to notice and praise your parents for their bad examples. If they didn’t show them to you, you may not have built such an aversion to them so as not to incorporate them into your life.
Reminds me of a story . . .
If you have any Irish heritage, this story will carry more weight. Years ago, I was hosting a “wine and cheese” function with a travel agent enticing people to come on a cruise we were advertising on a local radio station. The morning DJ from the station came to the event to give the main pitch as to why these folks should come along. This fellow was a well known radio personality and his surname was unmistakably Irish. He did his presentation and then fielded questions from the audience. One person asked, with their tongue in their cheek, how an Irishman could go through an entire wine and cheese night without having any wine. The question brought a big laugh from the group. His answer was sobering. He said, “My father drank enough for all of us.”
It’s a fact, some people had lousy parents. Here is a typical comment a therapist will hear from a client: “My father was such a womanizer and he tortured my mother with this behavior her entire life. He spent more time with his ‘skanks’ than he did with his children.” If the client is a man himself, he may not recognize how he came to become such a faithful spouse and devoted father.
There is an upside to our parents’ downside if we take the time to notice.
The downside can act as a catalyst for us developing more admirable traits.
There are no perfect parents. There never were and there never will be. That fact needn’t stand in the way of us recognizing how our parents’ good and bad qualities helped us form into the people we are.
If you have one of your mother’s annoying habits, it’s helpful to notice it in yourself so that you can outgrow it. It’s equally helpful to know how a parents’ shortcoming has become the stimulus for your evolvement.
“I never want to be an ungrounded dreamer like my father” is an uncredited gift that your dad gave you.
It’s easy to disparage our parents’ shortcomings. It’s a more inclusive view to notice that our upside is a direct result of their downside, and it’s another avenue to allow forgiveness to enter our hearts.
All the best,
John
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