I Shouldn’t Have To
I have discovered recently that one of my oft used phrases is, “I shouldn’t have to.”
What a paralyzing utterance that is.
What I’m saying is that I have to, but shouldn’t have to. That’s a dichotomy that will keep me dithering.
In reality, we don’t “have” to do anything. It may be our best interest to do something, but we don’t have to. Perhaps a story I’ve told before would be helpful.
Many years ago I was leading a communications workshop and asked a participant, “If I hold a gun on you and threaten to shoot you if you don’t move, do you ‘have’ to move?” Her answer was, “Yes!”
The correct answer was “No.” She didn’t “have to” but it was in her best interest to do so.
“I shouldn’t have to” just gums up the process of doing what’s in your best interest.
If you notice yourself using the phrase, “I should have to” with yourself or others, it’s time for a substitution phrase to get you back in the flow.
“This isn’t my job and I shouldn’t have to do this” may be a natural expression of frustration at a situation, but if you stick with it, it will stick it to you.
Side note: I hate playing golf with people who are easily frustrated. Here’s my experience: They hit a bad shot, have their favorite curse words leave their lips and then continue on a downward spiral with a litany of follow-up, frustrated phrases. “I suck.” “With all I’m paying for lessons, I shouldn’t be hitting the ball in the woods.” “I’ll never play this course again; it’s too difficult for amateurs.” Blah, Blah, Blah. They pollute the atmosphere for everyone around them and their game suffers for the rest of the round. What would happen if they had their favorite phrase leave their lips (#@!*##) to relieve the frustration and then went on to their next shot without further diatribe? Answer: A much more pleasant round.
Substitution is one solution for “I shouldn’t have to.” When you find yourself using some form of the phrase, you can insert something like “It’s in my best interest to do this” OR “I choose to do this because it’s the best, currently available option.” Create your own substitutions that keep the accent on moving forward rather than stopping yourself dead in your tracks with “I shouldn’t have to.”
“I shouldn’t have to explain myself to this person” becomes “It’s my best interest to give them an explanation.” “I shouldn’t have to do their job” becomes “I choose to do this because it’s the only current way to get the job done.”
There’ll be plenty of time to address the things you shouldn’t have to do at a later date when the pressure is off, but when it’s on, the way to keep moving forward is leaving “I shouldn’t have to” in your rear view mirror.
All the best,
John
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I have come to the idea that most thoughts are like brittle bones – they don’t support me that well.
There is one notion that holds all human beings back. It involves a simple truth that we lie to ourselves about. It took some salty advice from The Grasshopper to make me see what’s holding back you and me.
The Grasshopper paid a weekend visit and had this to say: “Amassing knowledge doesn’t make you wise.”
I was knocked over by a pound of feathers last night when I got the idea that beliefs are myths, with one notable exception.
I have come to believe that we invite more into our lives than we’re willing to admit – good and bad.
The Grasshopper showed up in a moment of pique yesterday and gave me a title for another book I’ll never write: “If You Don’t Follow-up, Your Lack of Results Will Take You Down.” 
The following is not an all-inclusive list of motivations but these four are present in my life and I suspect in yours.
Have you ever wondered why you’re not moving forward as quickly as you think you should? After all, you are smart and competent and have a pleasing personality, and you’re good to your friends and family, not to mention that you’re kind to animals. What else could you possibly do?
We have all been conditioned whether we notice or admit to it. Many of us will argue to keep our conditioning alive which is what our conditioners rely on to keep their agenda alive. Nowhere is this more evident than in TV commercials for drugs which all have some form of the magic phrase, “My doctor recommends” in them.