I Shouldn’t Have To
I have discovered recently that one of my oft used phrases is, “I shouldn’t have to.”
What a paralyzing utterance that is.
What I’m saying is that I have to, but shouldn’t have to. That’s a dichotomy that will keep me dithering.
In reality, we don’t “have” to do anything. It may be our best interest to do something, but we don’t have to. Perhaps a story I’ve told before would be helpful.
Many years ago I was leading a communications workshop and asked a participant, “If I hold a gun on you and threaten to shoot you if you don’t move, do you ‘have’ to move?” Her answer was, “Yes!”
The correct answer was “No.” She didn’t “have to” but it was in her best interest to do so.
“I shouldn’t have to” just gums up the process of doing what’s in your best interest.
If you notice yourself using the phrase, “I should have to” with yourself or others, it’s time for a substitution phrase to get you back in the flow.
“This isn’t my job and I shouldn’t have to do this” may be a natural expression of frustration at a situation, but if you stick with it, it will stick it to you.
Side note: I hate playing golf with people who are easily frustrated. Here’s my experience: They hit a bad shot, have their favorite curse words leave their lips and then continue on a downward spiral with a litany of follow-up, frustrated phrases. “I suck.” “With all I’m paying for lessons, I shouldn’t be hitting the ball in the woods.” “I’ll never play this course again; it’s too difficult for amateurs.” Blah, Blah, Blah. They pollute the atmosphere for everyone around them and their game suffers for the rest of the round. What would happen if they had their favorite phrase leave their lips (#@!*##) to relieve the frustration and then went on to their next shot without further diatribe? Answer: A much more pleasant round.
Substitution is one solution for “I shouldn’t have to.” When you find yourself using some form of the phrase, you can insert something like “It’s in my best interest to do this” OR “I choose to do this because it’s the best, currently available option.” Create your own substitutions that keep the accent on moving forward rather than stopping yourself dead in your tracks with “I shouldn’t have to.”
“I shouldn’t have to explain myself to this person” becomes “It’s my best interest to give them an explanation.” “I shouldn’t have to do their job” becomes “I choose to do this because it’s the only current way to get the job done.”
There’ll be plenty of time to address the things you shouldn’t have to do at a later date when the pressure is off, but when it’s on, the way to keep moving forward is leaving “I shouldn’t have to” in your rear view mirror.
All the best,
John
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