Here’s a holiday tip from one of Santa’s older elves – me.

If you want to leave arguments out of your holiday gatherings, leave your assertions at the door.

Notice how one assertion (the way things are according to you) opens the door to a barrage of counter assertions that lead away from the sugarplums you may have been expecting.

An assertion is most often an opinion stated as fact. Many of them start with the words “all, every or never.” “All left-handed rodeo cowboys are cattle rustlers.” “Every person who wears a red hat is looking for attention.” “I never do that.” (Yes you do).

An assertion is a guaranteed argument starter. Did you just notice I made an assertion? Did you also notice how quickly you can come up with a counter example?

Get in the habit of asking questions rather than making assertions.

If someone else makes an assertion, let it go without response or ask a curiosity question as to how they came to that conclusion. If you counter the assertion, plan on turning your holiday gathering into a call-in talk show where you’ll be using your outdoor voice indoors.

One way to avoid this type of interaction altogether is by saying something like, “You know, that’s a discussion we can have anytime; I’d rather hear about your (fill in the blank).” Blank Fillers: Your visit with your grandson or your girlfriend who came to visit or the yoga class you’re taking. There are many things you can inquire about that move you away from the avenue of argument.

You can help insure pleasant and peaceful holiday gatherings by leaving your stocking, filled with coal-fired assertions, at the door.

All the best,

John