Sensations
There was a big hit song in the 1970s called “Feelings.” I’m not sure it would have been as big of a hit if it was properly labeled as “Sensations.”
One of the biggest errors we make in communicating is attempting to explain our feelings. We would be exponentially more accurate if we described our physical sensations.
Pure and simple, feelings are labeled sensations.
“I feel sad” doesn’t give us much to go on. “I feel a lump in my throat and a heaviness in my chest and I call that ‘sad'” gives us a much clearer picture of what “sad” is for you.
“Sad” may have different sensations for me, and if I say, “I know exactly what you mean” when you say you’re sad, I really don’t have a clue what sad is for you unless I know the attendant sensations you’re feeling.
Feelings are made up labels that don’t communicate very well. When you say “I’m totally pissed,” you know exactly what you mean because the same sensations in your body present themselves each time before you announce your label. You’ve catalogued these sensations over time and affixed the label “totally pissed” to them. But your “totally pissed” may be my “minor annoyance” depending on my sensations and how I’ve labeled them.
So when we’re “sharing” feelings, we’re not talking about the same sensations, which causes tons of miscommunication.
I sincerely doubt we’ll stop talking about our feelings any time soon, but I believe it’s useful to notice from time to time that we aren’t communicating as well as we could if we’re just exchanging labels.
All the best,
John
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