The Grasshopper made me scratch my head this morning when he left this on my doorstep: “You’re accountable even though you’re not responsible.”

It didn’t make immediate sense, but after a morning cup of tea, it became apparent to me.

Parents are accountable for the sins of their children. Mom or Dad didn’t throw the rock through the neighbor’s window but they’re going to have to go into their bank account to pay for it. They’re being held accountable for something for which they weren’t responsible.

That’s an easy one to understand.

Where it gets a bit more dicey is when you’re held accountable for other things you’re not responsible for, and that you’re totally unaware of.

Patterns come to mind. How many of our patterns are we unaware of, not responsible for, yet pay the price for every day?

The answer is: Too many to count.

We all have a certain way of behaving that we had nothing to do with acquiring. Furthermore, we are unaware that we are running that behavior, and are being held accountable for that which we are not responsible.

Has anyone ever nastily said to you, “You’re just like your mother, father, older sister or brother?

That type accusation is rarely met with a question like: “In what way?” It’s usually met with resistance of some sort.

Chances are a portion of their observation was accurate but in the heat of the moment you didn’t take time to consider it.

We inherit mannerisms and patterns of behavior from those who came before us even though we haven’t read their will. These are little routines that we run that we are totally oblivious to; much like that most people don’t recognize they speak in the accent they grew up around.

Reminds me of a quick story . . .

We were doing a seminar in Macon, GA a few years back and were checking out the meeting room early in the day to make sure all was set up properly for that evening. The hotel manager said he would meet us at 1 PM and we would go over the details. He was an Indian-American who was born and raised in Bombay which is now Mumbai. He said in his distinct Indian accent, “I would do it now but I’m fixin’ to go to lunch.”

He had nothing to do with acquiring an Indian accent but he was accountable for making us laugh when he cross-pollinated cultures.

We are paying for things we don’t know we bought.

Here is something most people won’t do. They go on a series of job interviews with the same employer and then find out that they didn’t get the job. Most will be disappointed and take it in stride, a few will call up and complain that they should have been hired, but few to none will inquire about what they were missing not to be the final selection.

If you’re being held accountable, it’s in your best interest to know what you are paying for.

Reminds me of another story . . .

Years ago, I was invited in for an interview for the position of program director for a radio station. I was meeting with the person who would make the decision and he told me I was the 32^nd person he had interviewed for the job. I asked him where I stacked up. He said, “Number 2.” I then asked, “What do I have to do to be number 1?” He laid out two things that I would have to do in order to move up to the number 1 position. As it turned out, I was unwilling to do one of the things.

I could have guessed forever why I didn’t get the job, but I took the time to inquire, in advance, about my potential shortcomings. I knew what I was paying for.

We’ll never figure out all our patterns but it’s helpful to discover the ones that are getting in our way. One way to find them is to look at an area of your life where you consistently don’t get the results you’re going after. The house money is betting there is a pattern of behavior there of which you are unaware.

You absorbed some behavior along the way that is thwarting your efforts at every turn. Even though you weren’t responsible for being a sponge, you’re the one who’s getting squeezed to pay the price.

Once you entertain that there’s a pattern of behavior that’s sitting beneath the surface causing you harm, then it becomes easier to find it. Too often we just won’t entertain the idea that it’s something we’re doing. And like any other shortcoming, it’s easier to spot in someone else.

It’s the pursuit of the unknown pattern that starts the discovery ball rolling. Just get curious about what you may be doing to hold yourself back. If you’re really brave, ask someone close to you. They’ll know.

You may have gotten this way by accident, but your feet will be held to the fire until you inquire.

If you’re paying the piper, it’s helpful to find out what you’re paying for.

All the best,

John

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