There is a lot of equivalence in the news and in the world; it acts as a distraction and delays a solution.

Our equivalence comes out when we are defending something that’s not defensible.

Take the current news story of congressman, Anthony Weiner. Weiner has engaged in some questionable behavior. The news media initially castigated him for lying to them about it, and now some are defending him with equivalence.

They are asking, “If congressmen of the other party have done such deeds and were not asked to resign, why is Anthony Weiner being asked to resign?”

The argument has shifted to resignation via equivalence. The main issue is no longer the issue – questionable behavior.

My guy with questionable behavior should be able to stay in office because your guy with questionable behavior was able to. Is anyone missing the fact that they’re defending the behavior in the name of fairness?

The argument is basically this: My guy is no worse than you guy, therefore he should be allowed to remain in office. The issue of whether they’re fit for office gets buried in the equivalence argument.

Equivalence just changes the argument from what the issue is to another issue. It’s fun theatre, but it’s a diversion and it keeps the main issue buried under a mountain of equivalence.

I don’t care about congressman Weiner’s situation, other than it points up how we get caught up in equivalence and obscure the foundational issue.

Have you ever been involved in an argument and got so engrossed with winning that you forgot what you were arguing about? You can bet that equivalence was there cheering you on to escalate it to another level.

If you are looking for a solution, equivalence will not get you there. It will only extend the argument.

You are being sidetracked by equivalence when you buy into the myth that there is an argument that will end the argument. There isn’t.

Take a breath today and find out if equivalence is alive and well in your life. If so, let it act as a reminder that you are moving away from a solution each time you use it.

To find a solution we must first call for the resignation of equivalence.

All the best,

John

ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING
LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

The Grasshopper made me scratch my head this morning when he left this on my doorstep: “You’re accountable even though you’re not responsible.”

It didn’t make immediate sense, but after a morning cup of tea, it became apparent to me.

Parents are accountable for the sins of their children. Mom or Dad didn’t throw the rock through the neighbor’s window but they’re going to have to go into their bank account to pay for it. They’re being held accountable for something for which they weren’t responsible.

That’s an easy one to understand.

Where it gets a bit more dicey is when you’re held accountable for other things you’re not responsible for, and that you’re totally unaware of.

Patterns come to mind. How many of our patterns are we unaware of, not responsible for, yet pay the price for every day?

The answer is: Too many to count.

We all have a certain way of behaving that we had nothing to do with acquiring. Furthermore, we are unaware that we are running that behavior, and are being held accountable for that which we are not responsible.

Has anyone ever nastily said to you, “You’re just like your mother, father, older sister or brother?

That type accusation is rarely met with a question like: “In what way?” It’s usually met with resistance of some sort.

Chances are a portion of their observation was accurate but in the heat of the moment you didn’t take time to consider it.

We inherit mannerisms and patterns of behavior from those who came before us even though we haven’t read their will. These are little routines that we run that we are totally oblivious to; much like that most people don’t recognize they speak in the accent they grew up around.

Reminds me of a quick story . . .

We were doing a seminar in Macon, GA a few years back and were checking out the meeting room early in the day to make sure all was set up properly for that evening. The hotel manager said he would meet us at 1 PM and we would go over the details. He was an Indian-American who was born and raised in Bombay which is now Mumbai. He said in his distinct Indian accent, “I would do it now but I’m fixin’ to go to lunch.”

He had nothing to do with acquiring an Indian accent but he was accountable for making us laugh when he cross-pollinated cultures.

We are paying for things we don’t know we bought.

Here is something most people won’t do. They go on a series of job interviews with the same employer and then find out that they didn’t get the job. Most will be disappointed and take it in stride, a few will call up and complain that they should have been hired, but few to none will inquire about what they were missing not to be the final selection.

If you’re being held accountable, it’s in your best interest to know what you are paying for.

Reminds me of another story . . .

Years ago, I was invited in for an interview for the position of program director for a radio station. I was meeting with the person who would make the decision and he told me I was the 32^nd person he had interviewed for the job. I asked him where I stacked up. He said, “Number 2.” I then asked, “What do I have to do to be number 1?” He laid out two things that I would have to do in order to move up to the number 1 position. As it turned out, I was unwilling to do one of the things.

I could have guessed forever why I didn’t get the job, but I took the time to inquire, in advance, about my potential shortcomings. I knew what I was paying for.

We’ll never figure out all our patterns but it’s helpful to discover the ones that are getting in our way. One way to find them is to look at an area of your life where you consistently don’t get the results you’re going after. The house money is betting there is a pattern of behavior there of which you are unaware.

You absorbed some behavior along the way that is thwarting your efforts at every turn. Even though you weren’t responsible for being a sponge, you’re the one who’s getting squeezed to pay the price.

Once you entertain that there’s a pattern of behavior that’s sitting beneath the surface causing you harm, then it becomes easier to find it. Too often we just won’t entertain the idea that it’s something we’re doing. And like any other shortcoming, it’s easier to spot in someone else.

It’s the pursuit of the unknown pattern that starts the discovery ball rolling. Just get curious about what you may be doing to hold yourself back. If you’re really brave, ask someone close to you. They’ll know.

You may have gotten this way by accident, but your feet will be held to the fire until you inquire.

If you’re paying the piper, it’s helpful to find out what you’re paying for.

All the best,

John

ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING
LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

One of the many synonyms for the word “Indelible” is “Unforgettable.”

There are things that leave such a permanent mark on you that you’ll never forget them. They’re indelible.

The first time I encountered the word was as a child when I heard about indelible ink. It couldn’t be removed no matter what. Then the next usage for the word came from the nuns who taught me. “Sins will make an indelible mark on your soul.” Leave it to the good sisters to come up with a negative definition for the word.

Indelible has a different meaning for me now.

There was an indelible mark placed on our soul, but it wasn’t sinful. It was a homing device.

The sin is forgetting that we have an unforgettable part of us.

There is a part of us that we can’t forget about; it’s always beaming a signal to bring us home.

It’s running in the background 24/7 and it never breaks down. It’s like a lighthouse beam that perpetually shines, even on the foggiest of nights.

We were born as a complete package. We came with everything we needed no matter how flawed our conditioning taught us we were.

In spite of all the limitations we learned that crowded out our completeness, there is always an indelible mark that can’t be removed no matter what. That indelible mark leads us back to the treasure we left behind.

Everyone is trying to complete the loop to get back home to completeness. We know completeness is there because it’s indelibly etched in our soul.

We start out searching for completeness outside of ourselves because that’s what we’ve been taught. It’s an outward journey with thrills and chills like an amusement ride with loops, bends and sharp turns, but it always takes you to the same place – back to square one.

We spend most of our lives in the amusement park pretending we are home.

But we know we’re not home because of the empty feeling we have. It’s hard sating your appetite with cotton candy.

The trip back home begins with the recognition that completeness is not out there. Once we make that discovery, we can turn the corner and head for home.

Home is where we are complete, a place we’ve forgotten about, but it has never forgotten us. It keeps sending us signals lighting the way.

If you keep coming up empty on your outward trip, chances are it’s time to turn around and head in the opposite direction and complete the trip back to completeness.

When you discover the indelible part of you that’s always enough, you are complete. You can then lay your head down anywhere and always feel at home.

All the best,

John

ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING
LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

I can tell you from personal experience that walking on hot coals is easier than walking on eggshells.

Eggshell walking will drive you to drink, or worse.

Walking on eggshells is a great skill to have but it can only be effective in small doses. When omelets are always the main course, Humpty Dumpty’s fall can easily be predicted.

We are all involved in relationships – partners, spouses, children, parents, family members, friends and acquaintances. A relationship’s future can easily be predicted by the amount of eggshell walking that’s done.

If you have to walk on eggshells around someone, it’s only a matter of time before that relationship ends.

There will be no surprise when someone who ends this type of relationship tells you their news because they will have egg all over their face.

One of the best pieces of wisdom I came across many years ago was this: Teach people how to treat you. That means when something truly bothers you, address it early on, because if you wait, the yoke’s on you.

Withholding is a disservice we all do to ourselves. If it’s continued over time, it will cause us to crack up.

Just about everyone knows the quote, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” What they may not know is the lead-up sentence to that quote from the ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu. It reads, “Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”

Eggshell may be the color that goes with everything when painting a room, but as a way of life it keeps your emotions cooped up way too long.

If you’re already in that type of relationship, I feel sorry for you, but my sympathy won’t help. Even though the best advice is to address eggshell behavior when it first surfaces, you may have ignored that sage wisdom. It still may not be too late if you finally decide to address the chicken in the room.

Something as easy as, “When you do _______, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to keep this relationship together” will begin to address the issue.

People have to know you are walking on eggshells around them in order for the eggshell walking to stop. Rather than talk exclusively about what they’re doing, it’s more personal and effective when you express how you feel about it.

If your relationship with someone is not all it’s cracked up to be, perhaps it’s time to stop walking on eggshells.

It may save you from a lifetime of playing chicken.

All the best,

John

ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING
LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE