GrasshopperNotes.com - Thoughts for inspired living


November 4, 2010

Bonding

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 6:29 am

I have never read “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” but I understand that one of the differences outlined between men and women is this: Women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged, while men complain about problems because they are asking for solutions.

That should not surprise any couple in a relationship because that complaining scenario plays out on a regular basis.

What’s interesting to me is the role that bitching plays in bonding.

Men, by and large, don’t bond as deeply with other men as women do with other women. It’s the bitch factor.

Men may piss and moan for awhile with other men and then look for an action plan to move forward. They won’t stay in complaint mode long enough to forge a bond with other men, or women for that matter.

It will come as no surprise to you that, as a man, I’m not a big fan of bitching because it doesn’t lend itself to a way forward. What I’m coming around to is that bitching may be a foundational step that most men are missing in their efforts to form bonds with others.

The bitching/bonding method is a slower way to get to a solution, but it promotes a better connection between the people seeking solutions.

There are “no nonsense” women among us, but, like men, they just don’t bond as well as the women who allow for complaints.

I may never totally warm to complaining, but I’m beginning to recognize the glue it provides to bonding.

Allowing for bitching longer than your current comfort zone allows, may be the stretch needed to form a bond which will still be in place long after a solution is reached.

 

All the best,

John

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