You’ve seen the trademarked logo “Life is Good” on t-shirts, ball caps, mugs, window stickers, wheel covers and thongs.

You may have also heard the phrase, “Life sucks and then you die.”

Both phrases have their supporters and my experience is you will easily switch sides depending on what kind of day it is.

Therein lies the difficulty – Circumstance.

I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from philosopher, James Allen: “Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him.”

If your life is dependent upon circumstance, you have nothing you can depend on because circumstance changes direction like the wind.

Many people are waiting for circumstances to line up like the perfect storm before they decide to live. Their life is on hold until life gets good again.

That’s sort of like asking the stove to give you heat without supplying it with any fuel.

Circumstance is another word for reality. You’re never going to get reality to perform in your circus like a trained seal. You’re going to have to honk that horn yourself.

That means you need to learn how to sail through life. Notice that sail boat pilots move their boat no matter which way the wind is blowing. Yes, when circumstances are more favorable, they will move faster, but they will move regardless of circumstance.

Action is the remedy to get out from having circumstance dictate what direction you will go.

Taking action is responding to the reality and circumstances of life.

Frankly, life isn’t good or bad; it just is. What is happening now is happening now. There is no spin that changes that circumstance.

Spinning is a head game; action is a movement game.

When you choose a response to circumstance, you are taking action on which direction you decide to go. When you have the winds of change blow you all over the map, you’re allowing the circumstances to determine your destination.

What James Allen was writing about in the 1800s was that circumstance reveals your patterned way of doing things. If you put pressure on someone, they will show you their conditioned patterns. They will react the same way every time – a victim of circumstance.

When you choose a response to circumstance, you get to move in a different direction – one in which life’s goodness isn’t dependent on circumstances.

All the best,

John

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Here is one of life’s lessons: When you are too quick to offer your opinion, you may be in for a painful, protracted conversation that consumes not only time but your energy as well. Perhaps a story would be helpful . . .

I went to get a haircut the other day and was engaged in conversation by an older woman. I was reading through a magazine and out of nowhere she says, “What do you think about BP?”

Having done a radio talk show in the past, I was used to giving my opinion on a number of topics but this time was different. I said to her, “I have lots of thoughts about BP and the oil spill, what specifically would you like to know?” She said, “What do you think about their responsibility?” I was ready to launch into my answer when all of a sudden these words left my mouth, “What do you think?”

She offered a detailed, well thought out, summary of the facts and her response to them. I offered a few opinions of my own and it was a pleasant, engaging conversation. It could have been the conversation from hell, but I was saved from the fire and brimstone by asking one revealing question: “What do you think?”

Here’s the lesson I learned: When you are about to engage in conversation with someone on a specific topic, it’s in both of your interests to assess their level of knowledge and angle of approach before you decide to commit.

“What do you think?” helps you determine if you want to participate or not. For example, if this woman went on a mindless rant and just regurgitated some talking points she heard on TV, I would have politely listened and not offered anything in return other than something innocuous like, “That’s awful” and then would have returned to reading my magazine.

“What do you think?” is a question that will reveal another’s agenda and level of knowledge, and you will know in short order if you want to participate or not.

Had I just answered her initial question with my take on the situation, I would have engaged without knowing who I was engaging with. It could have been a loooong afternoon.

“What do you think?” is now, as the golfers say, “in my bag.”

The next time someone asks you an opinion question, you may want to pause before answering and consider using my new favorite, time saving tool – “What do you think?”

All the best,

John

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How much of your life is theatre?

The shocking answer is just about all of it.

When we live inside of our head, we are participating in theatre, not life.

Just take any 5 minutes of your life and monitor the chit-chat that’s going on in your head. That’s theatre.

When you are in there, you are all made up as you make things up that are distortions of reality. That’s theatre.

How often are you in there rehearsing your lines for an upcoming scene?

Real life doesn’t need rehearsal, just responses.

Real life is like Improv; you take what is handed to you and you respond to it by creating something new. Theatre is recreating something that’s already been done.

There is a lack of creativity in personal theatre as you repeat the same, tired lines.

The biggest downside of theatre is believing you are the character you are portraying. We believe we are the person we made up and got comfortable with. That’s not you; it’s the rehearsed you, the conditioned you.

The character you play in life is not real. It’s a justification of our conditioning. The biggest realization we can come to in life is that we are not our name, our role, our social status or our social security number. We are not the person we justify. You are not (fill in your name).

(Your name) is a role you play in your local theatre group.

Even when we come to this realization, it’s so easy to slip back into character. We’ve rehearsed the part for so long that it seems so real. It seems so normal to be who you think you are.

So if you aren’t you, who are you?

You are the responses you offer back to life, not the rehearsed reactions.

Anytime you choose a response to life, you are living. When you react to life, you are re–acting your past. That’s theatre.

We create the drama we experience in life. We do this by defining ourselves by our reactions. Notice we do this inside our head. That’s theatre.

The amount of drama present in your life is in direct proportion to the amount of pretending and reacting you do.

You are not your reactions; they are too limiting. They confine you to one role.

Surprise yourself and break out of character for just a minute or two, and find out how refreshing and creative it is to be the real you.

There’s a reason they call them “Plays.” You are playing a role. That’s reacting and that’s theatre.

Remove your makeup and start responding – that’s life!

All the best,

John

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You’re familiar with the expression, “We’ve come full circle.” It basically means we’ve come back to where we began, or to a point of contention that hasn’t been settled.

The Grasshopper has a unique take on “Full Circle.” He said, “You can’t chew your cabbage twice until you chew it once.”

I get that to mean that some people will go around in circles without ever addressing what’s at issue. It’s what a heavyweight boxing match would look like if the fighters only circled each other for the entire bout, No blood would be shed; but nothing would be decided either.

No matter how well your parents brought you up, sometimes it’s necessary to get into the mud with someone. Avoiding conflict at all cost just means that you are unwilling to give credence to the downside of life. It exists, and without it, we would have far less appreciation for the upside.

Grappling in the mud will get you covered in it, but notice the bond that’s formed with the other who’s willing to go there with you. Look at athletes who clash with each other in their respective arenas. When the competition is over, they embrace their arch rival. That would never happen unless they agreed to enter the mud. Otherwise, they may have postured their entire careers without coming full circle to address what’s at issue.

This isn’t about fighting and winning; it’s about the courage necessary to settle what’s unsettled.

It takes more effort to avoid a sticking point than it does to confront it. Avoidance will have you looking over your shoulder at all times and dying a thousand deaths.

You cut the circle in half when you are willing to engage; you widen it to infinity when you refuse to eat your cabbage.

When you nibble around the cookie, you leave a lot more crumbs than if you bite in. Those crumbs accumulate and get swept under the rug and form a molehill that turns into a mountain that keeps you from coming full circle until you circle the drain.

You really only have 3 choices:

1. Do nothing.
2. Do what you’ve been doing.
3. Do something new.

The first two will get you what you have now. Doing something new has the best chance of getting you to come full circle and make some coleslaw.

Bon appétit!

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper sang out some memorable lyrics last night: “You can’t be a rock star with part-time passion.”

The odds of reaching the top of the totem pole without overflowing passion are the same odds that Charles Manson has for getting parole.

If you do get there by happenstance, it will be a short visit without a long supply of passion.

We, as a culture, are passionate about looking for shortcuts to the top. After all, our society invented “Get Rich Quick.”

What we claim to want may be more than about money, but far too often we are unwilling to make the required investment.

I will now offer you one of the best tips you’ll ever get in life. End your frustration right now and stop chasing a dream without the requisite steam.

When what you say and what you feel are not in lockstep, you’re going to step into some pretty smelly stuff time after time.

People who are passionate about something are passionate about it all the time. Their passion doesn’t go on vacation.

When they focus that passion, the results are incredible.

Passion has a way of getting you to do the required work necessary to be successful. The first clue that you lack passion is your unwillingness to do the work.

Look closely at someone who is doing what you want to do. They followed a recipe to acquire that skill or level of success. Even if they are willing to share that recipe, many won’t commit to the plan, and then offer a litany of justifications as to why they can’t get what they want.

I have mentioned it before and it merits repeating now. Passion lives on a continuum that has “Nice to have” on one end and “If I don’t get this, I won’t be able to breathe” on the other end.

If you aren’t breathless about something, give it up. You are wasting your time and causing yourself untold frustration by continuing the chase.

Part-time passion won’t get you to the finish line.

You are kidding yourself if you think that isolated bursts of passion are all that’s needed. Watch any athlete who continually cuts corners in practice and then witness their performance fall apart come game time.

A hobby is something you do part-time; passion is a full time job. Once you make that distinction, it will be easier to successfully pursue your passion.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper left this on my doorstep this morning: “Don’t apologize for having blue eyes.”

I had to wipe the sleep out of my eyes before it started to make sense.

Chances are you resemble one of your parents or both. By and large, we are usually in denial about this for the first half of our life. The implication being: If I look like them, I must be like them.

In many instances, we are just like them. They’re who we learned from. Some of their qualities (good or bad) stay with us for life, and other behaviors we learned from them, we outgrow.

As with any behavior, the key to outgrowing it is recognition. If you don’t know you have it, it’s difficult to do anything about it.

Looking like them is nothing you’ll ever have to apologize for. Short of plastic surgery, there’s nothing you can do about it; it happened without your permission.

Your behavior is an eye of a different color.

Yes, you may have unwittingly sucked in their preferences, prejudices and attitudes before you even knew what those words meant, but they’re your behaviors now. That means that you can’t blame your parents any more. You own these behaviors now. They are yours to apologize for.

Once we get over the shock of being like our parents in ways we never dreamed of, it’s time for a look in the mirror.

What behaviors do you own that you are/were critical of them for having? If you said, “None,” you are in denial.

The physical recognition, if it exists, dawns on most about midlife. The operative phrase that escapes from your mouth, without pre-thought, goes something like this: “Oh my God, I look just like my mother/father.”

That’s the point where you want to go deeper and discover the behaviors that correspond to the resemblance.

If you inherited their big heart and sense of fairness, celebrate it!

If you got something that gets you admonishment, it’s time to own it and outgrow it.

Recognition is the wedge that goes between stimulus and response. It’s in that moment of suspension of your automatic behavior that you glimpse your free will – the will to be free of your inheritance.

All the best,

John

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There’s something very appealing to me about light softly pouring through a window. It not only illuminates the room; it lights up part of me.

When light finds the smallest crack, it shines itself on even the darkest places.

I do an exercise that brings me peace whenever I find myself too caught up in the dark side. It takes a tiny bit of imagination and it works wonders.

Allow that natural light that’s lighting up the room to enter inside of you. Use your imagination and guide it to the spots that need a healing light shone upon them.

Direct that light to physical places in your body or imagined places of mental unrest and let it bathe your mind and body in its rejuvenating essence.

It seems a little silly at first but no one needs to know what you’re doing. Just give it a go and notice what you notice. As Bill Cosby might say, “The proof is in the Pudding Pops.”

If nothing else, this exercise will remind you to “Lighten up.”

All the best,

John

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Today is Memorial Day, a day to honor the brave men and women who died while in military service.

It’s also my Mother’s birthday.

One of my earliest memories of Memorial Day was her stopping on a street corner and giving money to a man in uniform, and then putting an artificial red poppy with a wire attached to it through the buttonhole in my shirt. She said it was in honor of soldiers. I asked why we did that and she said, “It’s just something nice to do.”

I never went to the library to look up the reason why; I just took Mom’s word for it that it was something nice to do. As an adult, I became more curious about the red poppy and found a poem written by Moina Michael. It reads as follows:

We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.

Today I’m remembering my Mom and our fallen heroes too
by wearing a poppy because “it’s something nice to do.”

Happy Memorial Day!

John

I’ve always been a big fan of naps, except when I was little and had to take them when I wasn’t tired.

I would have to say that I’m a world-class napper (A real resume eye-opener).

Napping isn’t considered an asset in the work-a-day world, but my experience tells me different.

Naps have a way of recharging me and allowing me to tap into creativity that wouldn’t come my way if I were perfunctorily pushing through.

Some people can naturally nap; others have more than cultural taboos keeping them from napping. For example, a number of people report being groggy after a short nap. My experience is that those folks don’t get enough sleep. They have been so conditioned to push through that they dismiss natural tiredness. When they nap, the nap isn’t long enough to take away their tiredness and they become fuzzy.

I haven’t done a scientific study on this but non-nappers are more prone to look for other outlets to deal with an energy lull – watch TV, do crossword puzzles, throw themselves into their work, or some other method to ignore their natural tiredness.

The body has rhythms which have been documented. You don’t need to read the studies to know that there is an energetic low point in your day. That’s usually when a stimulant is sought – another cup of coffee, a soda, something sugary or God forbid, Red Bull.

My mission isn’t to get you to come over to my way of thinking about naps because that may not be practical for you. It’s more of presenting a red flag to get you to notice how often you push through.

Pushing through has a low return on investment and a higher rate for making avoidable mistakes.

Not everyone has the opportunity to nap, but you do have the time to engage in some type of mind quieting activity. Even the busiest person can find 5 minutes to observe their breathing. That’s one of the oldest forms of meditation that is as effective today as it was thousands of years ago.

Begin to notice your penchant for pushing through and interrupt the pattern by calming down your mind.

I don’t expect to get you to accept what I’m saying right now. I just invite you to consider the merits, and then sleep on it.

All the best,

John

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How connected are you?

Most of the things we get in life come from other people, and it follows that if we’re disconnected, we miss a lot.

I’m not defining connection as how many Facebook friends you have, how social you are or how many organizations you belong to. Connection in this context is deeper than that.

When you have your façade interact with their façade, you have the most superficial of connections.

Deep connection can happen with a total stranger whom you may never see again.

So what is a deep connection?

As with many things, it hard to describe in words but you know it when you feel it.

My sense is that a deep connection happens when we set aside any pretense or agenda we have when interacting with another, and they do the same.

The chances of both parties doing it at the same time are slim, but if one person starts the process, the chances for opening the connection become greater. It takes two to tango, but one person has to ask the other to dance to begin the process.

If you’re waiting for the other to begin, it could be a long wait.

Deep connection begins with you. How willing are you to drop your disguise and let people view the unvarnished you?

It takes courage – the courage to stop pretending. Pretending is synonymous with lying.

When you stop the lies to protect your disguise, you open the door to deep connection. It’s really that basic.

Being authentic has nothing to do with careful preparation, cover stories or PR; it’s just dropping our act.

When we drop the pretense, we set the stage for deep connection. People get caught up in our authenticity and want some of that for them. It’s easier for them to follow suit when they have a model to follow.

You may think that this recommendation is for use with strangers or casual acquaintances, but that would cheat you out of a lot. How willing are you to open yourself up for inspection to those closest to you? The risk/reward is totally worth it. The close connection becomes even deeper.

Some will remain a stranger to those even closest to them until they discover the doorway to depth. It opens when you insert the key – which is the freedom to let them see the undecorated me.

All the best,

John

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