Whose shoulders are you standing on?

You didn’t get to the apex of where you are without stepping on a few shoulders.

I should note that you may not like where you currently are, but, again, the question begging for an answer is: “Whose shoulders are you standing on?”

In the case of not liking our location, we are quick to allow someone else to shoulder the blame as to where we are, but that ignores who is choosing where to stand.

Many of us, for better or worse, are standing on the shoulders of the early people who helped form us – parents, caregivers and influencers too numerous to mention.

But somewhere along the way we climbed onboard someone else’s shoulders to gain a taller view. Who helped you broaden your perspective? Who is foundational for your world view?

You may have a short or a long list of folks to credit, but it helps to make that list to see the flow chart of you.

One of the questions I like to ask musicians is: “Who influenced you?” Reminds me of a story . . .

About 15 years ago I attended a concert by pianist, George Winston who had a best-selling album called December. It contained many songs with a Christmas Holiday feel.

He played songs from that album and others he had recorded. I remember remarking aloud that his style, on a few of the songs, reminded me of a piano player who had a couple of hit songs when I was a kid. That man’s name was Floyd Cramer. Imagine my surprise when the very next song he played, “Last Date,” was dedicated to one of his early influences – Floyd Cramer. We both recognized the shoulders.

It’s not only respectful to give credit, but humbling as well. And it fills you with gratitude.

When we recognize we didn’t get here without help, we tap into the grateful feeling of having stood on another’s shoulders.

I could list a number of people whose names you wouldn’t recognize as being instrumental in my development, but that wouldn’t serve you as well as making your own list for your own benefit.

Take a moment today to list the shoulders you have stood on. It will help you to appreciate and see more of this parade called “Life.”

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

From a spiritual perspective, it doesn’t seem that heaven should have a caste system, but my version of it does.

My opinion is that some folks should enjoy each other’s company in the afterlife, separate and apart from the rest of us.

My reasoning is sound. If we were in that section of heaven, we would think we were in hell.

Who deserves to be in that special place in heaven? Here is a partial list:

    *People who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot. (Did you ever notice that they yell the loudest when their car gets hit by one?)

    *Union leaders who take a paycheck while their members go on strike.

    *Anyone who asks you for money so they can pray for you.

    *Any professional announcer who pronounces the word “forward” as “FOE-ward.”

    *A politician that calls what they do “Public Service.” They get paid.

    *Anyone still watching “Survivor.”

    *Any man under 50 who refers to his spouse as “The wife.”

    *Anyone who forwards me an email that I have to forward to someone else to get a special blessing.

    *People who talk with their mouth full.

    *Anyone still blaming their parents.

I realize this list of deserving people is not all inclusive. It’s just a thought starter. Please feel free to compile your own list of candidates who deserve a special place in heaven.

If I have sinned by offending anyone with my list, thank God. That means I won’t be going to that special place in heaven.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

We’ve all participated in bubble bursting. We’ve either done it or it’s happened to us.

What is the result of bubble bursting? It’s the inability to hold a particular belief anymore.

The Grasshopper injected this into a conversation the one day: “Anytime you put a pin in someone’s belief bubble, you get an outpouring.”

Sometimes a bubble burst results in an “ah-ha,” but most often no “ha, ha” is present.

It can be a painful experience to have your bubble burst.

Beliefs are a set of patterns that help us negotiate the world we live in. When someone or something pricks our world with a sharp, pointy object, we’re going to gush.

If our belief is like a boil that needs to be lanced, we experience pain, then relief. We are on the road to recovery.

It’s more difficult to recover when someone bursts your piñata that was filled with all the sweet treats of life. Your goodies are snatched up and scattered to the four winds.

Oftentimes it’s a “D” word that causes our bubble to burst. Death, Defeat, Demise, Deception and Divorce immediately leap to mind, but there are many others throughout the alphabet.

The recovery phase of an operation has little to do with investigating the cause. In fact, staying focused on the cause is as effective as breathing air into a balloon that’s already burst.

Recovery is forming new beliefs, not dwelling on the ones that can no longer hold air.

If your sweet bubble has burst, I’m sorry for your loss. I won’t lie and tell you that I feel your pain because nobody can.

What I can offer is a path forward. It starts with baby steps.

The first step is to let go of “why?” You’ll never get an answer to that question that will satisfy you or move you forward.

The next step is to breathe in some new life. That means to recognize you can be filled up with another substance. Warning: The minute you begin to compare and contrast it with what you had, you pop your new balloon.

The ever present question you want to ask yourself is: “How can I be happy now?”

The answers you get are habit forming and bursting with promise.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

If we only pay attention to the news, it’s hard to argue with the notion that we’re going to hell in a hand basket.

But there is something else that, if paid attention to, would instantly improve our world 100%.

This “something else” is something that comes out of our mouths on a regular basis but we’re deaf to it.

What is it that would improve our world 100% that we say nearly every day but don’t seem to hear?

Our own advice!

I don’t know about you but I’m world class when it comes to telling others what to do. I’m closer to an “also ran” when it comes to following my own sage advice. I believe I have lots of company.

The old axiom is accurate. We would have more success in improving our world by taking care of our own little corner of it.

We become confounded when others ignore our pearls of wisdom, but it’s like yanking teeth to get us to admit that we don’t follow our own astute recommendations.

There is great wisdom in our counsel, but we’re so blinded by our own shortcomings that we become shortsighted when it comes to recognizing it also applies to us.

We’re never going to stop giving advice. That’s like asking the wind not to blow. So the world improving question is this: “When are we going to start taking it?”

Reminds me of a story . . .

I was walking past a neighbor’s house a few years ago and noticed that their beautiful, newly sodded lawn had a patch near their fence that didn’t take. I immediately went into “Mr. Fix-it” mode in my head and knew exactly what needed to be done. I didn’t know these folks well enough to offer my “invaluable” advice.

The story gets more interesting when I notice that days and weeks later that they haven’t tended to this obvious flaw. I was chomping at the bit to offer my advice, but had the good sense to choke it back. That good sense came to me that very day when I noticed that my own lawn looked like a patchwork quilt of sewn together bare spots.

This would have a storybook ending if I were able to report that I went home and immediately attended to my little corner of God’s green earth, but, alas, it remained brown.

It’s flattering when someone asks for your advice; it’s world changing when you follow your own.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

Beginnings hold promise.

Ask any avid baseball fan at the beginning of the season about their team’s chances and you can feel a palpable optimism.

Perhaps that’s why baseball is mentioned in the very first words of the bible – “In the big inning.”

Endings are painful.

If for no other reason than a way of doing things has come to an end.

Even if the ending has productive results, the pain is still present, as in ending the use of an addictive drug.

Beginnings and endings are one unit. They are not separate. Each one contains the other.

Just as up is part of down and vice versa, beginnings and endings are inseparable.

Consider this: Without conscious recognition, beginnings and endings, as we perceive them, don’t individually exist; they just change into each other.

Take a leaf for example. It begins on the tree and ends on the ground. It decomposes on the ground and forms the rich environment from which a tree can draw nutrients to grow new leaves.

If we only look at the individual components, we are looking at a snapshot, not the ongoing cycle.

Consider the concept of time. It’s a mind made phenomenon attributed to change. The fallacy of time becomes apparent when you ponder the conundrum of, “When did time begin?”

What did come first, the chicken or the McNugget?

Life is ongoing but when we consciously attempt to break it down, we are left with the polar opposites of beginnings and endings and the emotional ups and downs they bring.

Life doesn’t have form; it inhabits form, giving life the appearance that it has a beginning and an end.

The part of us that believes in beginnings and endings will end. When we end, life will continue, even though we believe it can’t go on without us.

This is more than an observation that we’re all going to die someday; it’s a call to action to appreciate the moment you are in. This moment has no beginning or end; it’s a constant that’s with us throughout our life.

The moment we are in is life itself, not the collection of up and down moments our mind makes life out to be.

When we immerse ourselves in the moment, our mind doesn’t wander off to thoughts of beginnings and endings which produce a never ending tug of war between hope and hopelessness.

If you’ve ever had a personal experience of time standing still, you have discovered the one moment of life. It has no beginning and it has no end.

Tap into that moment and your beginnings will never end.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

I had an interesting message from The Grasshopper the other day – “Criminals don’t get caught because they’re stupid; they get caught because they’re patterned.”

It got me to thinking about what patterns we are caught up in that lock us up every time.

You can go a lifetime and not become aware of an arresting pattern.

Patterns are pieces of purposeful behavior that we learn without knowing how we learned them, and they often hang around long after the purpose of their formation has come and gone.

We become like an unfragged hard drive in a computer with little pieces of behavior strewn about here and there, slowing us down and compromising our performance.

Pattered behavior is wonderful when it continues to serve a purpose that’s serving us.

It becomes problematic when it handcuffs our abilities.

I was reminded of the tragic side of patterning the other day when listening to a song by Karen Carpenter on the radio. This young singer had a beautiful voice but learned a pattern that she didn’t have a beautiful body.

As the story goes, early in her career, she and her brother, Richard were performing at a small venue and were well received. The local newspaper ran a glowing review of their performance the next day. The reviewer, as an aside, referred to Karen as “Chubby.”

She ignored the rave review and got caught up in the personal characterization. She began a life of dangerous dieting and purging and died from heart failure attributed to anorexia nervosa at age 32.

The purpose of the original pattern was to get her to not be chubby. The pattern lived on well past the time any healthy weight had been achieved.

What pattern do you own that’s confining you? It’s a question worth asking because your exploration of an answer can serve as your “Get out of Jail for Free” card.

The purpose in finding a limiting pattern is to then employ a strategy to outgrow it. This new outgrowth learning begins when you catch yourself running the pattern.

In order to catch yourself, you first have to know that you are running a pattern. Sometimes it’s quite evident what pattern you are running, and sometimes it’s not. If you are really in the dark about what offending pattern you are running, ask someone close to you. They always know.

But knowing isn’t enough to get paroled from this pattern. You have to catch yourself committing the crime.

That means to catch yourself in the act. All new learning begins when we become cognizant of a behavior while it is happening. The key to escape is to interrupt that behavior while you are in the middle of it. Beating yourself up a half hour later won’t do the trick.

Interrupting the pattern while it’s going on takes you to the prison gate. Continued recognition and interruption gives you the key to freedom.

It’s not only against the law for a high wire act to work without a net, it’s extremely risky. If you are caught up in a risky pattern, take a tip from the pros: Work with the net of recognition and interruption. You’ll catch yourself every time.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

We live between the tick and the tock of a clock. That pause between sounds is where life is.

It seems we stay focused on the tick and the tock and ignore the silence between them. This is ignoring the wellspring of creativity.

Life is a dynamic, creative adventure, not a static collection of ticks and tocks.

The ticks and tocks we experience in life are only made possible by the creative silence that lies beneath and between them.

Any graphic designer worth their paycheck will attest that a great design is the utilization of the space that gives their designs life. The brushstrokes or keystrokes only come alive when the silent partner, space, is sufficiently used.

You can have the most exquisite furniture that money can buy, but if you crowd it into a room, it cannot be fully appreciated without respecting space. Reminds me of a story . . .

My mother had an eye for exquisite things and diligently saved to buy what she could afford. She lived in a mobile home and decorated it with pieces you would see in Architectural Digest. The problem arose when you attempted to walk around. You couldn’t.

These lovely pieces – breakfront, grandmother clock, expansive coffee table, antique desk, overstuffed chair and a large sofa buried in decorative throw pillows made walking around in her home a high wire act and an exercise in baby steps.

She was caught up in the tick and the tock. All the pieces were beautiful; she just crammed them into a space where their beauty couldn’t shine.

Ticks and tocks are to be celebrated and appreciated. They just can’t be confused with life which lives in the space between them.

If you are a clock watcher, begin to pay attention to the space between tick and tock. It’s this space where all the creativity of life takes place.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

Something has left the building and I’m not certain it’s coming back.

Perhaps it’s cyclical and will return, but my sense is it’s on death’s doorstep and circling the drain.

Traditionally we have seen it wane in difficult times and have witnessed its rebirth when the smoke cleared, but my sense is not this time.

We don’t recognize the demise because it’s insidious and sneaks up on us.

What is about to leave this planet and leave us less civil? (please cue Aretha Franklin)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Respect for our fellow man is at an all time low and the bar is getting lower.

I’m not sure even Tinker Bell can save respect.

I wouldn’t even attempt to cite the reasons for its downfall because they would fill up libraries. (For younger readers: That’s where you go for peace and quiet to read your Kindle or iPad)

I would offer a remedy but I’m fresh out of ideas.

It’s time to call the family and say “Goodbye.”

Who among us will deliver the eulogy?

Perhaps no one can because dementia has universally set in and we can’t remember what respect was like.

I wish I could be more upbeat and point to a silver lining, but since respect has been subject to caustic elements for so long, I believe it’s tarnished beyond repair.

I can’t officially pronounce its death because that would be disrespectful of your ability to resuscitate it.

If that’s something you want to attempt, you have my undying respect.

All the best,

John

I have never read “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” but I understand that one of the differences outlined between men and women is this: Women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged, while men complain about problems because they are asking for solutions.

That should not surprise any couple in a relationship because that complaining scenario plays out on a regular basis.

What’s interesting to me is the role that bitching plays in bonding.

Men, by and large, don’t bond as deeply with other men as women do with other women. It’s the bitch factor.

Men may piss and moan for awhile with other men and then look for an action plan to move forward. They won’t stay in complaint mode long enough to forge a bond with other men, or women for that matter.

It will come as no surprise to you that, as a man, I’m not a big fan of bitching because it doesn’t lend itself to a way forward. What I’m coming around to is that bitching may be a foundational step that most men are missing in their efforts to form bonds with others.

The bitching/bonding method is a slower way to get to a solution, but it promotes a better connection between the people seeking solutions.

There are “no nonsense” women among us, but, like men, they just don’t bond as well as the women who allow for complaints.

I may never totally warm to complaining, but I’m beginning to recognize the glue it provides to bonding.

Allowing for bitching longer than your current comfort zone allows, may be the stretch needed to form a bond which will still be in place long after a solution is reached.

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE

It seems so obvious but the only time we can make a choice is now.

That means that every current moment is a choice point.

What is it that you can choose every time you become aware of the moment? – Your response to what the moment presents.

The only thing that keeps choice hidden from view is our patterned thinking that we don’t have a choice.

Reminds me of a story . . .

I was presenting a workshop some years ago illustrating that we always have a choice. I asked a participant if someone had a gun to her head and told her to move from one place to another if she had a choice in the matter. She emphatically said, “No.”

I was quick to point out that she did have a choice – to move or not move. Of course, the choice to not move had a high risk of death, but there was a choice present.

Most of our choice points are not that risky, yet they are also not that obvious, due to the conditioning we have received that we don’t have choices.

How many times have we heard someone say, “I had no choice”? That’s not accurate. What is really being said there is, “If you were presented with the same set of circumstances I was, you would have done what I did.” Meaning we would have made the same choice.

There are opportunities presented by choice but we won’t explore them if we believe we have no choice.

You have a choice every moment. You can let the choice be made for you by letting your patterned thinking that you don’t have one stay in place, OR you can recognize that you always have a say.

There is freedom in recognizing choice – The freedom to choose.

It’s really this simple: When you fail to recognize choice, you diminish your options.

Open your eyes to what choices the moment presents and you will see more options.

Choose or don’t choose; it’s your choice!

All the best,

John

LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE