My preferred method of exercise is walking. It’s easy on the knees and it allows lots of time for reflection.

I used to run, and many years ago I made a personal discovery about me. When the headwinds were stronger, I upped my game, I would run harder into the wind. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered it was a pattern that permeated my entire life, not just my running.

Years before my discovery, I had a boss who observed, “You’re best when you are on a mission.”

So when I hit a headwind, I try harder. I’m sure I’m not alone.

The deeper discovery came on a walk the other day when I parsed the difference between a perceived headwind and an actual one.

I’m fairly good at spotting an oncoming headwind, but I’m not as quick to act on the perception as I am when it’s actually happening. Again, I’m sure I’m not alone.

What headwind is on the horizon that you’re not prepping for? It’s a question worth answering. It will reveal areas that need attention now rather than waiting for a gale force crisis to test your mettle.

Observe the gifted athlete who doesn’t practice much; they are the first ones to have a rapid, downward career spiral when their headwind resisting skills begin to erode. There’s an old golfing axiom that states, “A professional golfer who’s chasing pars is like a dog chasing cars.” Soon it will be over.

Congratulations if you are good in a crisis. Even larger kudos to you if you can spot one on the horizon and take the necessary action now so you can take some wind out of its sails.

There will be enough headwinds that you won’t see coming to test your skill level, but it’s the ones you can see and don’t prepare for that will erode your skills much quicker.

The key to turning a perceived headwind into a tailwind is to prepare for it now. That way the big bad wolf is less likely to blow your house down.

All the best,

John

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“Life is a mystery – one that you’ll never figure out in a lifetime.” So said The Grasshopper, sounding like a character from an Agatha Christie novel.

I like solving puzzles and mysteries. They really take my mind for a ride. What I’ve come to realize is that when I successfully solve something, I have solved a situation, which is an isolated event in an ongoing puzzle.

There will be more of life’s puzzles ahead, but unlike the one on the coffee table, there is no final piece to place. Life is an infinite puzzle that’s unsolvable. So what’s the point of attempting to solve life’s puzzles?

Satisfaction in the moment seems to come to mind, but I believe there’s a more fulfilling benefit to solving life’s mysteries. Every attempt provides you with one of life’s most precious gifts – Resourcefulness.

Everyone has resources, but many of them remain hidden from us because we don’t make the effort to solve life’s puzzles. We look for someone “smarter” or “better” or “more suited” than us to do the tedious work. Just as you can’t have someone go to the gym and do your workout for you, you can’t benefit from life’s puzzles by not attempting to solve them yourself.

You can certainly enlist help, but you have to be part of the process to get the gift of resourcefulness.

Uncovering resourcefulness is simply giving yourself the opportunity to respond to life’s mysteries, rather than react to them. Reactions take you to familiar ground – nowhere; responses make you resourceful.

It’s true that you’ll never get out of life alive, but you’ll remain alive your entire life if you are resourceful.

Take the time to interrupt your reactions to life’s mysteries, then wait for a response before acting. Then you’ll discover one of life’s mysterious delights – your resourcefulness.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper asked a thought provoking question the other day: “Are you looking for what you’ve lost OR what you haven’t found yet?”

Normally I don’t know what triggers these messages from out of the blue, but this time I think I do.

I saw a Facebook posting the other day inviting me to listen to a new track from the forthcoming Diana Krall Album called, GLAD RAG DOLL. The song was an old, country flavored, slow waltz entitled, WIDE RIVER TO CROSS.

The song touched me on the first play, and then I played it again and again and these lyrics stuck in my head:

I’m only half way home

I gotta journey on

Where I’ll find

The things I have lost

We’ve all lost something or someone, and sometimes our journey is to find the things we have lost. There is another journey that, perhaps, we haven’t considered – Looking for what we haven’t found yet.

For me, there is a different feeling attached to each. Lost is a frantic feeling, and the search for what I haven’t found feels like hunger. “Lost” has the scary feeling of never being found, and “Found” is a knowing that something is there. I can smell it, but I just haven’t found it yet – like an aromatic bakery.

I think it’s useful to determine which of these you are looking for – Lost or Found.

If you are lost in lost, the chances of discovering what you haven’t yet found are greatly diminished. The search for found gets put on hold while you hold on to the frightening feelings of lost.

I can’t tell you what direction to head in – only this: Finding your way has the fresh smell of a brand new day.

If you pursue found, you’re less likely to get lost.

All the best,

John

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There is a worldwide myth that needs a challenge (at least I think so).

It’s the one of “Equal Measure” in relationships.

It’s my experience that, in a relationship, one person gives more. This applies to working and non-working relationships whether they be personal or business.

It really has to be this way or the relationship would have no movement. An equal measure relationship would be like a see-saw that was perfectly balanced on each end – both of you would be up in the air.

Perhaps you are tired of being the one who gives more. That’s totally understandable and it has a remedy, but not in the current relationship. If you attempt to adjust the roles so there is equal measure, two things are for sure:

1. The change will be temporary.

2. No one will be happy.

One remedy is being in another relationship where you give less.

“But I don’t want to be in another relationship,” you say. I say, “The balance of the relationship you are in is already set.” Attempting to change it would be like trying to change your blood type.

What to do? Recognize the reality that there is no lasting equal measure, and that efforts to make it so only strain a relationship.

Let’s pretend that you believe your mother or father loves your brother or sister more. Let’s even further pretend that it’s “true.” You can spend a good portion of your life looking for equal measure only to be thwarted at every turn. The sooner you accept the balance the way it is, the sooner you’ll feel movement rather than stagnation.

If this sounds like resignation to you, you need to be in a new relationship OR you need to remove the denigration from resignation and appreciate the relationship you have, the way it is.

Improving relationships is always a noble work in progress, and never is the end point equal measure. If equal measure is your goal, you have a recipe for disaster.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper gave me a new label to play with the other day: Spiritual Reporter.

I knew exactly what he meant. A Spiritual Reporter is someone who talks about the spiritual side of being human but doesn’t necessarily experience it, at least to the degree that they talk about it.

There are some notable names in that group who are big draws on the motivational tour circuit. Their message is sound, but to my eyes their experience is lacking.

These are gifted speakers who have books and DVDs that have a wealth of information that introduce people to the spiritual side of being human, but they haven’t received their own message. It sort of reminds me of the old axiom, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

This isn’t a slam on these people – just an observation. They provide a valuable role in getting the message out, but the message hasn’t yet landed in their “In” box.

Here’s the difference between a Spiritual Reporter and a Spiritual Teacher: When you are in their presence, one gets you curious about their information; the other transports you to the spiritual realm. In other words, the reporter gets you to see and hear it; the teacher gets you to experience it.

Out of respect for the work they do, I will not name any reporters, but two teachers I have experienced are Eckhart Tolle and Jerry Stocking. Five years ago I wrote about one experience I had with both of them in the same day. You can read about it by clicking here.

This post could easily be interpreted as “my teacher is better than your teacher,” but it’s deeper than that. It’s a barometer to use to assess your access to your own spiritual nature. One method will get you curious about it; another will actually take you there.

For example, when reading a book infused with spirit, you will be taken away from the world of facts and figures and into the quiet world of calm. Spiritual works don’t get you to think, they get you to experience and feel.

Here’s a hint: if you are reading a “7-Step” book, it won’t be a spiritual experience. There is no overt agenda with a spiritual presentation or text. The only mission is to take you to that place that has no name and no syllabus, but is a cauldron of learning.

I still read the works of Spiritual Reporters because they are so gifted in presenting what they say, but I know they are the wrapping paper rather than the gift at the end of the day.

All the best,

John

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Got a pep talk from The Grasshopper yesterday. Like all his motivational speeches, it was short. His message was one we can all benefit from: “Your aspire needs fire.”

Was having a career conversation with my grandson last night and I offered him two pieces of input: Passion and Patience.

I first shared with him a concept I learned from Jerry Stocking – Where on the continuum your goal has to reside in order for you to find fruition.

Jerry indicated that the low side of the continuum represents the emotional component of “Nice to Have” (my words). The high side represented, “If I don’t get this, I won’t be able to breathe.” It was immediately apparent to my grandson, judging by his reaction, that he needed to be closer to the high side in order for his aspiration to appear.

I then told him my spit shinning story that resulted from my basic training days in the U.S. Navy. In order for your porous, cheap leather boots to shine like a black mirror on the toe portion, you have to constantly apply polish and water and rub in a circle in the same spot to get the desired result. It doesn’t happen on the first application and is still absent after the 30th. The sense is it will never happen and giving up is not an option. Your mentors insist on your success and their tactics seem heavy-handed, until that little spot of reflection begins to show itself. Then success feeds on itself until you have a shining example of your work.

To what you aspire needs fire, enough so that it brings stick-to-itiveness along with it.

Is your aspiration a talking point or a point of focus? It’s easy to find out; just measure the amount of talking versus doing that you do, then The Grasshopper’s message will become crystal clear to you.

I can’t help but reissue my favorite, ancient Chinese maxim for the umpteenth time – “Talk doesn’t cook rice.” It’s the difference between “carving out your heavenly slice” and chit-chatting about the elusive “nice.”

All the best,

John

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There is a noticeable difference between hard and soft landings. Ask any passenger who’s been on a plane when it made a giant thud when landing and had them bounce in their seat. It’s unsettling.

Contrast that with the smooth landing – whisper quiet and pillow soft.

We experience both hard and soft landings in life and we all show a preference for the softer ones. The arithmetic is, though, that we will experience a certain percentage of hard landings and we rarely know they are coming. That last part is a definition of reality.

What serves us best after landing hard?

We will have our involuntary reaction to the landing, but what we do next will determine how long we stay unsettled.

Staying with the reaction too long will produce drama, and drama is like most TV spin-off series; it keeps the story line alive well past its expiration date.

What to do?

Allow your reaction to have its say. Just don’t provide it with a pulpit. The minute you begin to repeat your reaction, you are headed towards drama. That’s when it’s time to seek out a response. A response, unlike a reaction, is not on the surface level; you have to dig for it, and finding it is like finding oil.

The good news is, the field you’re digging in is loaded with responses. No dry wells here.

The key to finding a response is to notice that you are giving your reaction too much time in the spotlight. Just noticing your reaction, while it is happening, is enough of a stimulus to put a shovel in your hand.

The tendency is to stay on the surface and justify our reaction, or enlist people to form a support group for it. To go Beverly Hillbillies on you, there’s no “Texas Tea” in those strategies.

It’s natural to have natural reactions; it’s therapeutic to seek out a response. Prolonged reactions will keep you stuck; responses offer alternatives.

I’m sorry if you’ve had a hard landing and now you know how to soften the blow. Dig for a response that’s different from your reaction. Responses will take you places that reactions don’t know exist.

All the best,

John

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I was out walking yesterday and had a lots of conversation going on in my head. I noticed that I was paying more attention to my thinking than I was to my walk. It was then that The Grasshopper popped in and said, “You’re always feeling but you’re less likely to notice it if you’re thinking.”

The feeling apparatus goes on ’round the clock, non-stop for our entire lives. Thinking can be suspended when we focus on the sensations our body is feeling.

Feeling sensations is being in the moment; thinking takes us away from the moment.

Getting out of our head and into our body is one of the most therapeutic things we can do for ourselves on a daily basis. Reminds me of a story . . .

Years ago we had a gathering at our home and the topic of exercise came up between two of the guests. One of the men was in terrific physical shape and the other wasn’t. The out of shape man said, “I tried some arm shaping exercises but didn’t see a lot of results.” The in-shape guy said, “Show me what you did.” The man put two kitchen chairs about 2 1/2 feet apart and placed his hands on the seat portion of the chairs and began to do some dips to work his triceps. He was going through the exercise as though there was a timetable and he had to do a certain amount of dips in a certain amount of time.

The in-shape man said it wasn’t the exercise that was at fault; it was the way he was approaching it. He then demonstrated how the out of shape man did the exercise and then he showed him how he would do it. He did the exercise much more slowly, but he said the secret was to feel the muscles being worked. He said, “Give your attention to the muscle being worked rather than rush through the routine without attention.”

There was a noticeable difference from when he just went through the moves to when he gave attention to the muscle being worked. It’s safe to say he was focused on the sensations his body was feeling.

This isn’t a treatise on exercise; it’s more about how thinking keeps you from feeling and how it takes you away from the moment and how ineffective that is.

The gift I got yesterday was that I noticed I was in my head when I needed to be in my body. After that realization, the rest of the walk had a lot less talk.

All the best,

John

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I dare say it’s one of the biggest copouts of all time – “I don’t care.” It’s often a protection mechanism used to deny being emotionally hurt by another’s actions. It’s also a repellent.

Too often when we say, “I don’t care,” we mean exactly the opposite, but saying so makes us vulnerable (read “weak”) and, for many, that’s a fate worse than death.

So saying “I don’t care” gives our ego protection but can do nothing to chase away the feeling of not being cared for.

Also, pretending not to care hardens us in the eyes of others. It makes us appear uncaring and that’s nothing that’s high on anyone’s attraction list. Not caring leads to being avoided.

So how do you care if you don’t care?

A start is to be more open about how you actually feel. Showing a little underbelly goes a long way on the way to caring.

You’ve heard the expression, “thick skin.” What does that mean other than someone has hardened themselves against being hurt? What they don’t know is that it makes them less approachable and harder to care for.

When you say, “I don’t care,” you are advertising that you need to be cared for in the worst way, but most people don’t see it that way. They will take you at your word and begin to move in a direction away from you.

There are certainly things that we don’t legitimately care about. The Olympic sport of Curling comes to mind for me, but there are a host of things we do care about but deny.

I invite you to notice how often you say, “I don’t care” when you actually do. It will give you deeper insight into what you really care about. Then adjust your language.

Begin letting people know that you do care. It feels risky at first but gets easier as you practice. It’s Quid Pro Quo in action. The more you let others know that you care, the more they will start to care about you.

All the best,

John

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I’m always quite hesitant to ask a “Why” question, but it seems to fit here. Why do we do what we do?

There are so many answers to that question but I would like to focus on one. We are searching for a feeling.

There is a questioning technique that goes something like this:

Q: What do you want?

A: I want to be famous.

Q: What will that get you?

A: Money, cars, jewelry, headlines.

Q: What will they get you?

A: Respect, acknowledgement, satisfaction

Q: What does it feel like to have respect, acknowledgement and satisfaction?

A: It’s hard to describe but it feels good.

We are searching for a “good” feeling in just about all that we do and pursue.

Whether you are chasing away the blues with Jack Daniels or Ben & Jerry’s, you are searching for a feeling.

If you are attempting to be the best in your field, you are searching for a feeling.

Whether you’re moving toward or away from something, you are searching for a feeling.

It’s helpful to become aware that we’re all searching for a feeling. When we become aware, we can just go for the feeling itself rather than be shackled to the vehicle we use to take us there.

It’s one of the reasons we like “method” actors. They go for the feeling of the character and when they have it, just about anything they do or say on screen is infused with that feeling. Contrast that with the performance of the “movie star” who may dazzle us with their looks or moves but leave us devoid of feeling for their character.

A helpful question to ask yourself is: What do I want to feel?

By going right for the feeling, we have an opportunity to avoid the detours.

It may have never occurred to you that you are searching for a feeling. Just being armed with this knowledge helps us avoid many of the pitfalls and side roads we normally use to get there.

The next time you catch yourself about to use a “vehicle,” know that you are searching for a feeling. A quicker way there is to ask yourself, “What do I want to feel?” and then search for that feeling in your body.

When you know what you’re searching for, it’s much easier to feel it.

All the best,

John

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